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Julian Assange undergoes religious epiphany

If Julian Assange were only retweeting Pope Francis out of the usual convenient messaging, it would be more of the same wry humor from the atheist hacker. However, in the past months Assange has retweeted Pope Francis more than anyone else, suggesting deep changes in his character of the profound kind usually associated with a religious conversion or epiphany. This far-out, science fictional prophecy from his Twitter last week gives flesh to the hunch:

It is well-known that mystics, shamans, and monks seeking proximity to the vast expanse beyond endure incredible isolation or physical stresses, and Assange has incidentally undergone a special and new trial, a digital stylite preaching to the world from the cramped office he can never leave.

Assange’s message suffers badly from a laughable popcorn-munching hype where computers are not sophisticated tools in the hands of the 1%, but rather more clever versions of their creators. Of course The Matrix and Terminator would be so much less sensational with a few computer nerds and Jeff Bezos behind the curtains, but Assange is one of them in spirit, and he does not want to give Dorothy the balloon ride home. He is a mad villain who wants to breathe sentience into computers, another Dr. Frankenstein with the mantras “Publish and be damned! Information wants to be free,” in spite of his sudden religious enlightenment.

Wikileaks and Julian Assange are the vanguard of an infectious planetary discourse that appears terminal to the world order. For all its oppression, lies, and terror, it is too easy to look back only ten or twenty years and see a golden age of civility, socialism, and geopolitical harmony. Democrats who once hated George W. Bush already look back at his wars of aggression with nostalgia, a totally morbid symptom if there ever was one.

Assange’s mystical revelation has the kernel of truth in that we’ve entered a new era by which the domination of the 1% is cemented by dehumanized technology and uncivilized discourse. Black Mirror’s The Waldo Moment is too terrible to watch. Some might say this is the end of the neoliberal era, but perhaps Assange has made its ultimate and final expression. The phony naturalism of the classic liberals now takes a singularitarian bent, and Dr. Frankenstein’s threatening, neofascist AI monster is already in power, controlled by men like Julian Assange who bogart all its gifts for themselves, cowardly cheapskate wizards behind the curtains. There is no good reason to struggle against the “AI” tools of the 1%, to wear strange makeup for surveillance and encrypt every byte of online presence. The quaint Christian message of Pope Francis that makes the poor and the powerless sacred again is enough.

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Julian Assange assassinated after release of #DeepStateFiles password

INTERNET — A team of masked men stormed the Ecuadorean embassy, Monday, killing five guards and Wikileaks publisher Julian Assange. Sunday, Assange tweeted a password which will open the 700TB ‘Deep State Files’ torrent to the public. Already this treasure trove of the Deep State’s most hidden data has proven that the CIA assassinated president John F. Kennedy and installed Putin in Russia as an American puppet state after the fall of the Soviet Union.

Fans, friends, and supporters across the world mourn Assange’s death on the #DeepStateFiles hashtag as they circulate the evidence he’s brought to light against the Deep State, but they’re also expressing resolve and bracing for more violence.

Assange’s Girlfriend and assassination eyewitness Pamela Anderson said, “I heard gunfire and then they broke the door down with a battering ram and put a rag over his face. I thought it was only chloroform but when they left, he wouldn’t wake up.”

Anderson, in tears during her interview on Fox News, said “At the time I thought he was okay, and what was most horrible was how they took all the computers and went through all of his hiding spots in no time. In all my time in Hollywood I’ve never seen choreography that smooth.”

Cryptic messages from proven hacker and Trump-insider, QAnon, suggest that a string of assassinations of high profile Deep State targets are in the works.

bool highcastle = true; trump.shell(“golfsafe”). if putinist.iran == (feminism + assad){kimjongun.nuke(Guam)}

Analyst Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador interpreted QAnon’s message, saying “Obviously Trump says he’s going back to work, yet he spent a whole week on the golf links. QAnon is telling us that this is Trump’s only defense from the Deep State, who will have trouble assassinating him from the fortified golf club. Not only that, but Trump is plotting several major international incidents to distract the Deep State from focusing on him.

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Donald Trump to replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill

INTERNET — Obama-era plans to replace the image of Andrew Jackson with Harriet Tubman on the twenty dollar bill have been scuttled as Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin presented a new design which will place President Trump’s face on the currency starting next year.

Trump previously said that removing Jackson from the currency was “Pure political correctness.”

“Donald Trump is already the greatest president ever,” Mnuchin told reporters at a press release announcing the change, “The twenty dollar bill should reflect how Trump has changed the face of America forever.”

Rumors circulated on social media from alleged leaks within the White House, suggesting the back of the currency would also be overhauled to show Mar-A-Lago instead of the White House, and “Make America Great Again” rather than “In God We Trust.” Some speculated that Trump also plans to move the official residency of the nation’s chief executive to Mar-A-Lago on a permanent basis.

Dr. Vinay Jugurtha of the Institute for International Finance told reporters, “Trump’s just doing what he’s done before, and that’s branding. He’s sending the signal that the American Republic is for sale, and my opinion is it’s doomed as soon as someone makes a half decent offer.”