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Occupy Wall Street GASSED in Times Square

POLICE ENFORCE MARTIAL LAW

POLICE IN TIMES SQUARE HAVE GASSED THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF THE 99%

New York–Occupy Wall Street protesters were gassed today by police officers who were covering their badges with duct tape. After being herded into a paddywagon, tear gas cannisters were deployed on innocent protesters who were completely peaceful and in fact already restrained.

Video equipment was destroyed and phones were confiscated by riot police, who also deployed an LRAD sonic crowd control device to control the peaceful protest with rays of concentrated pain.

Peace officers removed sim cards from confiscated mobile devices and stamped them into pieces before protesters before throwing the phones away, presumably in an attempt to destroy evidence of wrongdoing.

New York City is on the brink of martial law, and hundreds of FEMA vehicles were spotted crossing the Brooklyn Bridge earlier today.

Unconfirmed reports surfaced of Black Hawk helicopters being spotted in the skies over Times Square and around Manhattan.

Area residents are reportedly “grateful” for police efforts to bring down the noise level in surrounding areas.

“They just wouldn’t quit with those drums,” complained Marcy Hennegan, 43, a high-rise resident around Zucotti Park.

Protesters were heard screaming out “Why?” while onlookers chanted “Shame! Shame! Shame!” over the sounds of orange gas lines hissing, fed into the open slots of various police vans in the area.

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New Boxxy video “worst yet”

This Sunday Catie Wayne, known for bubbly youtube videos under the alias of Boxxy, released a minute-long video of her new character 3v3. 3v3 is completely indistinguishable from Boxxy except for the fact that 3v3 has some kind of hideous neon rat’s nest in place of her incredibly beautiful dark hair. To top it off, the video is shot in some fucking public place on a damn smart phone or some bullshit while 3v3 yammers on about how she’s recording with the terrible rap group Little Kinky (who are so suck she has to be sleeping with them). Fans of Boxxy have been decidedly pissed and have widely expressed the sentiment that they are no longer fans of anything Catie Wayne touches.

Here’s the terrible advertisement video for Catie’s upcoming shitpile – the only interesting part being a slight tit bounce around :50.

This drech has got to end, Catie.

Fans have to be asking themselves what the fuck is going through her head. The nose ring, the blue contacts, the squid from Uranus growing out of her hair. Now I don’t want to take away anyone’s right to self-expression but this is just a complete trainwreck, possibly signalling the end of Catie Wayne’s internet career. We just can’t possibly be expected to fap to this.

Sorry Catie, but my marriage proposal is so OVER.

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Madison Rising: Astroturf political rock for the right

I heard about Madison rising today on the Glenn Beck radio show, introduced by the woman who reads headlines as if she is not a part of Beck’s program.

Madison Rising’s song, “Honk If You Want Peace,” depicts Occupy Wall Street protesters as “tie dye slobs” and tells the story of a female protester who has been fatally injured by her own misplaced convictions.

A mother’s scream, the father races over
His little girl sprawled helplessly
He lifts her up upon his shoulder
And they run frantically

They’re in the car, it won’t be far
Their angel they can save
But as they turn the corner
She’s destined for the grave

Jeering mobs and tie-dyed slobs
People lying in the street
Whistles, drums and megaphones

This music is for people who really like Nickelback, but really can’t stand anything that doesn’t have a conservative message.

This live performance for Fox News features unbelievably anemic vocals and lyrics that are painfully stupid.

“Amen to the ones on the battlefield

Amen to those who fall

Amen to the [American] women and the children

Gettin caught between it all”

A perfunctory listen will reveal that these lyrics were not written by musicians. In fact, the phrases used by Madison Rising are assembled by a think tank and successful songs are then constructed from these phrases by a focus group of middle aged white men. Then, the lyrics are set to the music of songs that were not quite good enough for Nickelback.