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Thousands dead in Washington D.C.

Jeff rips the bong and sips coffee with me. Jeff’s comrades refuse all hospitality. They’re typical American teens, conditioned to hate free things and fear mild drugs. They’re more interested in getting back to a place with cell service than understanding what just happened to them. Jeff and I don’t talk, but I understand that he is coming with me when his friends leave. By the time the coffee and weed are really kicking in, we’re doing 90 on Interstate 81 listening to the news radio cycle through the same old shit. Then something new.

” There are chilling unconfirmed rumors that right now a mass murder of public officials is being committed by Anonymous.  Allegedly armed with nothing but swords, Anonymous has taken control of the Capitol building, for now. The bodies of congressional staffers, lobbysits, congressmen, and congresswomen have been heavily mutilated and raped. Protesters in the streets are celebrating. Barrett Brown has announced he is about to make a speech.”

I talked to Barrett Brown last week on Skype. He used a false baritone that reflected his inflated self-importance. He tried to skirt the fact that he knew who I was. I forced him to recognize me by rudely eating a sandwich on cam instead of introducing myself. He had plenty of disdain for Anonymous but did not like how I wanted to compare them with a cult. Barrett claimed to be in connection with all the leaders of Anonymous.

Barrett’s incredibly sly about phrasing and never uses strong language to describe his supposed position of power. When he makes thinly-veiled claims about his connection to the “leadership” of Anonymous it is truly ironic. Barrett Brown colludes only with the sockpuppet masters of Anonymous.

The Anonymous I know is only capable of self-love and hatred. The hesitant love “Anonymous” has for Barrett Brown is quite obviously created artificially by sockpuppets. No one ever really liked that David Spade looking motherfucker anyway. He made up the heroin addiction for dramatic effect and smokes cigarettes through interviews as part of the act.  Barrett Brown, the amusingly bad spokesperson, manufactured by the government.

As I’m sharing this realization with Jeff, the radio goes quiet for a few seconds. The silence cuts to a live audio feed from outside the Capitol building. Barrett Brown’s speech is about to begin. I hear the mob chanting Barrett’s name over and over. As Barrett takes the podium, the mob is jubilant. Brown waits for the people to silence themselves and then waits a little while longer to increase the anticipation. The man who is speaking now seems to be related to the Barrett Brown I spoke with on Skype but only in name. He speaks comfortably and with obvious practice. His voice rises and falls. He makes promises. The people cheer wildly. Jeff turns off the radio and stutters a few times on thoughts that are coming out too quickly to be verbalized. I know what he is trying to say before he manages to spit out half of a sentence. I imagine that the same idea is simultaneously arriving in the brains of thousands. The viral aspect is thorny and tangible. There is still hope.

 

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Fucking Pseudonymous Pwnd!

axisflip cryptofinancial

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Entertainment

The situation begins to get strange

3

I wake up with too many nightmares clouding my thought. I crack open a Mexican Coke and drink down that real sugar. I was in college again, lost in a dorm, assaulted by “bros,” manipulated into sexual humiliation by lesbians. I can’t go to work today. I go to Anonymous. In the middle of writing another long diatribe on the problems of the Anonymous cult, a car full of teenagers in Guy Fawkes masks show up in my driveway with signs. They read “GTFO,” “We Hate You Billy,” and “Failgore Troll.” I am not shocked, but I really don’t know how to react. Should I get my guns out and wave them around, maybe fire a few shots into the air? Should I go get these people to take off their masks and talk to me? Should I invite them in for some coffee?

I try to talk to them, but they won’t take off their masks. I can’t talk to them like that, it’s absurd. They have a lot of angry things to say, but nothing I haven’t heard before. I go inside and flick on my electric organ, play something in a minor key to drown out their insults. I keep playing for almost an hour, until they leave. I make myself some lunch. As I sit down to eat, another car pulls up. I figure it’s a bill collector or my boss wondering why I’m not at work. Maybe they’ll finally shut off my electricity, but no it’s just more protesters.

This time I cover my face with a bandanna and quickly make a sign that says “FUCK YOU KILGORE TROUT!” I join their ranks and protest myself like I often do online. The Anons don’t even seem to process the possibility that I am protesting myself to mock them. I get real close to the guy next to me, to be a creep. I sneak a peek behind his mask. I let out a reflexive “What the fuck!” There’s something metallic going from the mask into his eye sockets. For the first time in my life, I am actually scared of Anonymous.

I bolt inside, lock my doors, and load the AK-47. I take the safety off and chamber a bullet. Am I going insane? I start to think about the “collective conscious” and well, I believe in it for the first time. Damn!

It’s dusk before the protesters leave. I crawl out of the corner and put the AK down. Reality is like a shattered mirror.

4

I wake up early after just a couple hours of nightmare filled sleep. Too much purpose, too much paranoia, too much adrenaline for sleep. I drive to Roanoke and try to get my hands on one of these Guy Fawkes masks. I can’t find any except in the Wal-Mart toy department. It feels like it’s made of something more substantial and heavy than cheap plastic. $50 fucking dollars for this fucking thing. I don’t dare open it until I get to work.

It’s hard to explain to my boss what’s going on. I’ve drunkenly explained how I’ve become the enemy of Anonymous to my co-worker Neil, and he tries to cover for me, badly. I wait for everyone to go on lunch break and take a close look at the mask in good light. Nothing special on the surface. I think about my $50 regretfully as I cut this thing down the center with a bandsaw. It barely cuts, and causes the bandsaw to buck like it’s made of steel. What a fucking mess! The “mask” turns into liquid, or leaks where I cut it. It’s the color of used motor oil with a metallic consistency like it’s full of glitter. I don’t touch the shit with my bare hands, and throw away the nitrile gloves when I’m done cleaning the mess. The blade’s worn the fuck out, so I change it. Maybe it’s some kind of nanomachines or some shit. God, I start to think about how I accused the government of running Anonymous and I get a little sick to my stomach.

For fear of going home, I work the rest of my shift. When I do go home, my computer is borked. I can not even access the lowest level, the BIOS. Damn thing’s a paperweight. Fucking Anonymous! Fucking government! Shit, the organ still works. So does my typewriter. Can’t hack that shit. Maybe I am more overwrought than I should be. Then I remember those monsters! I check on my guns and even test fire the AK off the porch. I am relieved to hear it still fires.