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Negro uprising suppressed by Homeland Security

Mainstream Media broadcast images of riots in Negro Ghettoes accompanied by the auctioneer-like intoning of disembodied voices.
Mainstream Media broadcast images of riots in Negro Ghettoes accompanied by the auctioneer-like intoning of disembodied voices.

FERGUSON — Supporters of Mike Brown, the Young Negro shot down by the brave officer Darren Wilson, flooded into the streets in dismay after no charges were filed against the murderous officer by the secretive grand jury. On both sides of the Atlantic and in Ferguson, armored vehicles filled with proud White police soldiers opened and released their wrath upon the Negro ghettos, suppressing the outbreak of violence and anarchy with “less than lethal” weaponry.

One outraged negro man was seen scolding an assault-rifle toting trooper, telling him, “Go fight ISIS! We ain’t got no weapons.” Shouts of, “You no better than ISIS, you no better than Hitler,” were heard, streamed to hundreds of thousands of astounded people connected to the Internet. An angry mob set fire to a police cruiser in Ferguson as heavily-armored proud white men behind a shield wall fired tear gas into their midst.

Moments before a round of teargas canisters were launched out of an armored personnel carrier parked beneath a neon “SEASON’S GREETINGS” banner installed in the ghetto by the all-white local government, one particularly intelligent Negro pontificated, “White people just don’t get it. They think everything the police do is right. They’ll never get it, not until they get black skin, brown skin.”

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Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu Dead at 65

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu passed away suddenly, Sunday evening
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu passed away suddenly, Sunday evening

REVELATIONS — Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel, died suddenly Sunday evening after suffering a heart attack in his home. He was 65 years old and will be deeply missed by prominent bankers and comedians. His entire estate of over twenty million dollars was disbursed to the Anti-Defamation League and will go towards building a holocaust theme park in the heart of Tel Aviv.

 
Netanyahu’s fabulous wealth will also go towards demolishing the Muslim holy site at the Dome of the Rock and aid in the rebuilding of the most holy Jewish temple, from which God’s prayers are thousands of times more effective than any other place in the universe. This move will usher in the biblical endtimes by securing Israel’s final lock on global power, and experts in all three Abrahamic religions believe that a new messiah and possibly anti-messiah will appear at any moment and possibly destabilize even the gold market.

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Lebal Drocer Denies Wrongdoing in Latest Scandal

The Chronicle.su will never die
The Chronicle.su will never die

SLAVEYARD — Lebal Drocer, indicted for what one Judge called, “laying down with the dogs and getting the fleas,” fired back at Europol after they seized Lebal Drocer Publishing’s heavily-guarded mainframe installation in Belgium, or possibly Germany.

Lebal Drocer’s Chief Marketing Officer Barry B. Poundheaven told reporters, “This was an unadorned form of harassment directed at the people’s final source for truth, knocking the Internet Chronicle offline for mere moments but taking a profound strike at liberty over all of spacetime.”

Laughing, Poundheaven dismissed the seriousness of the situation, saying, “Yes, we were in the wrong place at the wrong time during the world’s biggest police operation, but it was no more serious than the usual constant attacks we receive from hateful, patriotic or anarchocapitalist hackers. Only a fool would be surprised that the Marxist Eurofeds would take this opportunity to hassle the world’s most glorious corporation.”

Chronicle.su officers were nowhere to be found during the site seizure, but hatesec approached kilgoar on several occasions asking him to setup PGP encryption so the underground editors could communicate freely.

“He emailed me twice,” kilgoar said, “but I was busy with a lot of stuff and with all the media requests we receive at chronicle.su, it can be hard to tell the difference between a real OP and a psy-OP.”

Kilgoar said it was at that time the Lebal Drocer, Inc. CEO wrote him, again, requesting the two communicate securely.

“He said he was Anonymous,” kilgoar explained. “He said he was legion.”

Hatesec, a known corporate apologist, told kilgoar that Lebal Drocer was not to blame for the Chronicle outage.

“He said Lebal Drocer is invincible,” kilgoar said. “He threatened to dox me if I said anything otherwise.”

The Internet Chronicle will never die.