Category: News

In what is turning out to be the worst case of popular sacrilege since the Jyllands-Posten Muhammad cartoons controversy, Sunday, the infamous street artist Banksy boldly desecrated the Western Wall with an absurdly simple and gratuitous anti-war message in a contrived media event designed to boost his own brand of so-called “anti-celebrity.”

Orthodox Rabbi Shlomo Amar has called this incident the “Worst outrage since the holocaust, and all Gentiles should be punished unequivocally and without discretion.”

Cultural Critic Slavoj Žižek deconstructed, “My God! It’s as if God has no clothes!”

Conspiracy theorists in Israel have identified “Banksy” as a Muslim citizen of the UK named Hayed Al-Achmed. We reached Al-Achmed for comment, and he denied these accusations categorically and provided proof from his employer that he could not have possibly been in Jerusalem at the time of the blasphemy.

Nonetheless, the already tense and religiously charged situation in Israel has instantly degenerated. Seemingly taking this event as a cue, at least 70 rockets have been fired towards Israeli settlements, and Israel has been accused of launching White Phosphorous munitions from drones onto Exploited Palestinian Ghetto Cities.

Banksy has remained unavailable for comment.

Let’s face the facts if we’re going to be a bunch of rational Scientist Atheist fanboys, okay? Neil DeGrasse Tyson is no Carl Sagan or Slavoj Žižek.  I’m a cultural critic now, because I watch a lot of Slavoj Žižek, so I’m going to “deconstruct” the hell out of this situation for ya.

I know this is stinking disgusting, hell, it’s racist of me to say this, but it has to be said. White Guilt is the biggest reason Neil Degrasse Tyson has become an internet celebrity rage comic source for Athiest hardons.

Hell, White Guilt is the biggest reason Obama got elected. You won’t see me over with the “Birthers” tellin’ you Neil Tyson’s some kind of a Manchurian candidate raised to this holy pulpit of Scientific-Atheist-Hero-Myth-Religion by the Muslim-Satan-BLUEBEAM-AncientAlien-Agenda, but I will tell ya this. He’s not famous for being smart. Okay, well, he is famous for being relatively “smart,” but we can’t even begin to put him in the same room as Sagan, Žižek, or even that Anarchist Bastard Occupy Cultist Chomsky.

Carl Sagan’s central role and massive contribution to “Space Science” cannot be overlooked.

Sagan was Dir. of the Laboratory for Planetary Studies and David Duncan Prof. of Astronomy and Space Sciences at Cornell University. He played a leading role in the Mariner, Viking and Voyager expeditions to the planets and was a recipient of the Pulitzer Prize for literature. He died in 1996.

Slavoj Žižek stands on equally “hollowed” ground, and is even compared to Jacques Derrida on “WikiPedia!”

He has made contributions to political theory, film theory and theoretical psychoanalysis. “One of the world’s best known public intellectuals” according to John Gray[2], it has been said that “Žižek is to today what Jacques Derrida was to the 80s: the thinker of choice for Europe’s young intellectual vanguard”.

So what contributions, what great scientific advancements, what major accomplishment is Neil DeGrasse Tyson known for most?

As director of the Hayden Planetarium, Tyson bucked traditional thinking in order to keep Pluto from being referred to as the ninth planet in exhibits at the center…this decision has resulted in large amounts of hate mail, much of it from children.

Every time the following glyph is posted to the Internet, Black Tinkerbell loses her wings. But that’s right! Faeries are rarely Black except in fanart. Oh there I go mentioning the race thing again. Wouldn’t it be better if no one ever talked about the undercurrent of racism so it would just disappear from your sweet insulated whitebread suburban internet life?

Yes, you are dealing with a badass over here. Why doesn’t the Internet understand Tyson is “apart” of the bottom-tier of Public Intellectuals?! He says a few things about Atheists, and all the Atheists who have never even CONSIDERED serious theology or philosophy turn him into some substitute holy man. All hail Neil DeGrasse Tyson, the guy who took Pluto out of our Planetariums!!!1 Bitch, we want MORE planets, not less! Can’t you understand this!? I’d LOVE to have 1,000 planets. WTF is an exoplanet? As if Pluto’s somehow not a part of our god damn Sun’s Timespace Gravitywell. Sheesh! Get outta my Rage Comics, I hate ’em enough already!

Dear citizens of the world,

For far to long have we have been socially rejected. For far to long have we stood by and watched seemingly attractive people who aren’t awkward actually get the opportunity to talk to a girl. For far to long have we seen people get profiled based on wearing a piece of plastic on their face. It has been to long since something has happen that has changed the world. Getting laid and seeking employment is long overdue and I am here to introduce the start.

Many people have been protesting in the streets of New York, and they’ve gotten beat by police for being hippies, LOL. The only problem with the spreading is it wasn’t very well organized to begin with because we actually have no idea what we’re even protesting about. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea and think I am taking away from progress, because this is certainly true. I support the new “occupy” movements and will take part in my local occupy, and gladly get my ass kicked by cops, which will be streamed, and will be fucking hilarious.

What I am suggesting is something more or less on the lines of Global Protest Day except a bit more organized and planned. So here is what I am suggesting.

On the first Monday of April 2012, we shall march to every capitol to demand more money because work sucks, in your local governments, to your countries government, we shall avoid vaginas and social acceptance EVERYWHERE.

This shall be launched on a time schedule. Starting with the first timezone to hit 9 a.m. on that Monday morning and then working its way through every single timezone, except Africa.

Think about it. Every hour a new protest launches in another place and cops waste their time kicking some hippies ass when they could be home with their family or destroying their wife in bed. More people every hour and the cancer would spread globally. There would be no chance for a media blackout. And there would be no chance for oppression, because, we don’t have freedom to say what we want in America, although we do, we ignore that and say we don’t. This is the age of hacking, which we seriously have no idea what the fuck that even is. Legs spread faster than they ever have, and we still can’t get pussy. We can still do this.

This is not a final draft, because if it was I’d be pretty embarassed. This is something I want to spread and get feedback. I want this to work, because I don’t want to, I like handouts. I want the power of the virgins to be that. THE POWER OF THE VIRGINS. WE ARE HERE. WE ARE ANGRY. WE WILL NEVER BE SOCIALLY ACCEPTED. BUT NO MORE. AWAKEN, TIME TO TURN AMERICA INTO A 3RD WORLD COUNTRY.

WE R ANONYM0ZE
WE R LEEJUN LOLOLOLOLOL FB
WE DO NOT FORGIVE THE EVIL BIG BAD CORRUPT BAD BIG GOVERNMENTS
WE DO NOT FORGET THE CORRUPTION OF BIG BAD CORPORATIONS OF WHICH WE STILL BUY PRODUCTS FROM
EXPECT NOTHING, SERIOUSLY, BECAUSE WE AREN’T EVEN A THREAT. WE DON’T KNOW HOW TO HACK, AND WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE’RE EVEN DOING

Love always.
@anonymously37