Category: News

Hello, I’m Kilgoar, founding member of the Namefag Party. I want you to vote for me in the upcoming presidential election because I’m the greatest namefag Anonymous has ever seen. A namefag is generally a pejorative term describing someone who uses a name in an attempt to gain recognition from the Anonymous collective. Famous namefags include Barrett Brown, Jamie Jo Corne and th3j35t3r. I have spent the last year griefing namefags in an attempt to spread the gospel of the true Anonymous Legion.

Fighting namefags has ironically required my further descent into namefaggotry. The Namefag Party is at the same time vehemently opposed to namefaggotry and willing to engage in limited namefagging. Of course, it would be impossible to run for president without namefaggotry, so I have titled the Namefag Party to reflect my own disdain for what I am doing.

A vote for me is a vote proudly wasted. I’m not even old enough to be president. However – and I cannot stress this enough – a vote for anyone else is a vote for the bad kind of namefag. Use your vote to send a message to all the evil namefags in government. The Namefag Party is coming for them in 2012.

President Obama announced Sunday that he will be participating in #OccupyWallStreet, a loosely-defined protest movement rallying against corporate greed. White House Press Secretary Jay Carney spoke to the press, “The president has become frustrated with his puppet masters in big business. He will be joining #OccupyWallStreet to display solidarity with others who are losing the struggle against corporate power.”

Mainstream corporate media has been slow in reporting this startling announcement from the White House, leading protest supporters to sling accusations of an orchestrated media blackout. Expert media analyst Angstrom H. Troubadour explained the situation in clearer terms, “There’s no media blackout. It’s just that no one really cares about Obama anymore. Hope has died and change is just a thing starving college graduates beg for on the streets, in hopes that they can make their next student loan payment.”

Protesters were less than optimistic about Obama’s announcement, expressing the sentiment that the president did not really intend to defy his overlords. Protester Anna Gomez explained, “It’s like, almost a thousand of us got arrested and now he wants to join? Couldn’t be more obvious he’s just doing it for the votes.”

Want to find the internet’s most engorged and cancerous tumor? Look no further than /b/, a virtual city of basement dwelling neckbeards who post images of my little ponies and child porn.

Constantly seeking out newfags, /b/ has all sorts of gay inside jokes. Posting a picture of milhouse from the Simpsons or messing up a shitty little piece of triforce ascii art is the height of humor on /b/. Any inside joke to ostracize newfags gives the oldfags raging boners.

When the oldfag circlejerks really get raging, the forum shifts into transexual mode – signalling a collective orgasm. Truly, the oldfags are the purest of closetfags, too emotionally suppressed to ejaculate to anything but images of male genitalia on female bodies.

Oh, another thread about how superman would beat Goku? Oh, I get it – superman supporters are trolling. Another thread about ponies, boxxy, or milhouse? Trolling. When you see it you will shit brix? LOL newfag, there’s nothing there and you just got trolled.

Except it’s not trolling. Everyone knows what’s going on and all the true newfags instantly figure out all the transparent inside jokes. The “newfags” who fall for these jokes are just getting off on trolling oldfags. /b/ can’t stop suckling on its own flaccid cock.