axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
News

Trump to star in ‘The President’ a new Reality TV show on Fox

“Ye fyad”

TRUMP TOWER — Donald Trump announced he has assembled a press pool, in a move that shocked reporters. Traditional print and television journalists will not be given any access to Trump. Rather, he’s assigned several teams of reality television filmmakers to document his presidency.

Trump said, “I want to communicate with the American people. I want them to see the tough decisions I have to make and why I make them. That show will be The President on Fox, and it’ll start on the day I’m inaugurated. And on the very first day, you’re going to see. I’m going to be firing a lot of people. More than ever. It’ll be great tv and it’ll be a great America — just tune in and see it. I’m gonna Drain the Swamp.”

Other filmmakers will document his personal and family life. “Melania’s talking to Food Network. She’s a great cook. Wonderful. Another show, First Family, will air on NBC, and you’ll see the other side of me. I am a warm and caring father, and Melania’s just perfect. We’re good people. You’ll forget about all the lies of crooked Hillary. You’ll see.”

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
News

Come on down to Hole-Suckers on Southside and get your hole sucked

Tonight only, come get your hole sucked at Southside Hole-Suckers on Williamson Rd right next door to the Civic Center Arena!

hole-suckers

Hole-Suckers on Southside is now fun for the whole family. Get your hole sucked on Southside while the women watch. Hole Suckers on Southside is where Timmy becomes a man! Southside Hole Suckers – Get your whole hole sucked by the mouthside, on the Southside!

“I took my church group to Southside Hole Suckers and we had a lovely time. The staff were very friendly and treated us all (even the you-know-whos) like family.”

“I visited Hole Suckers on Southside for my buddy’s wake. It was depressing, because of the way he died, but that was through no fault of the good people at Southside Hole-Suckers.”

“I took my prom date to Southside Hole-Suckers – because we’re kind of the weird kids at school – and even though we are both virgins, my girlfriend is now pregnant. Thanks, Southside Hole-Suckers!”

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
News

Donald Trump promises to pardon Snowden, Assange, and Manning

Donald Trump pardons American Heroes
Donald Trump pardons American Heroes

THE SWAMP — Sunday evening at a Republican fundraising dinner in Washington DC, Donald Trump promised to pardon Edward Snowden, Julian Assange, and Chelsea Manning.

Speaking to the group of neoconservative elites, Trump said, “These are people who have done good things, heroic things for America. Heroes. Meanwhile the Mexicans are rewarded with citizenship for having babies on our land, illegally. I think we need to change things around a bit, deny citizenship to all Mexicans forever. But first thing’s first, we’re going to build the wall.”

Trump even suggested he is considering appointing Snowden and Assange to positions in his cabinet, saying, “These are smart, smart people. Just look at what they’ve done for us already. Why are we going after them, rather than asking for their help? Think about it. If we spent as much time going after ISIS as we spend on them — well there wouldn’t have ever been an ISIS. I might hire them.

“Hillary’s emails were a disaster. Total. Disaster. That’s why I’m going to get Snowden be my Cyber General. I’m going to go to war on hackers and secure our computers. Don’t get me wrong, I love computers. But ISIS uses computers a lot, and we must be vigilant.”

“Assange, he knows so much. So so much. If anyone can help me to drain the swamp, it’s Assange. I think he’d make a great secretary of state.”