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Entertainment Obituaries

Andrew Breitbart hoaxes his own death

Goodnight, sweet prince.

Fans mourn the loss of Andrew Jackson Breitbart, the pundit better known by the name ‘Andy,’ who died early Thursday morning at his home in Los Angeles.

Breitbart was pronounced dead at 3:48 a.m. EST. Cause of death was listed as “Complications associated with acquired immunodeficiency syndrome,” or AIDS. He was 43.

Breitbart is survived by twelve ex-wives and six children.

Because no will was entered into the public record, Breitbart’s charity for underprivileged children in Africa, the Konfidence Foundation, will dissolve.

Remaining assets are to be turned over to DR (Congo) for future disbursement to nobody in particular.

After a recent vitriolic and hateful explosion at an Occupy event, Andrew Breitbart has been accused of hoaxing his own death. Breitbart didn’t receive the kind of attention he had hoped for from his drunken hate speech, so now he’s sunk to the same level as the Internet Chronicle and is on the road to infinite blog hits.

Disclaimer – This is all completely fucking true and you’d be a fool to believe anything BigGovernment.com says. No, it’s not just another formulaic Akon death article, it is so much more.

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Obituaries

Barrett Brown murdered by the infamous Zetas cartel

Barrett Brown

DALLAS – Fans mourn the loss of Barrett Cockram Brown, who was found murdered in his modest home Sunday morning.

Police stated Brown died slowly from a controlled blood loss which took “at the very least,” several hours.

Coroners report Brown died at 3:32 AM CST on Sunday. Not all of Brown’s remains were recovered, and investigators suggested Brown’s testicles had been kept as a small trophy by a group of high-ranking members of the Zetas, a drug cartel Brown repeatedly threatened on YouTube.

Brown’s prolific writing career was sullied by his repeated attempts to act as a spokesperson for Anonymous, the hacktivist collective which largely treats Brown as a total pariah.

Brown’s recent book deal with Amazon, known enemy of Anonymous, created intense controversy because of Brown’s hunger for dirty corporate money to support his drug habits.

Brown is survived by a few junkie friends who have dedicated their latest binge to his memory.

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Entertainment Obituaries

Anonymous hack reveals Illuminati behind Whitney Houston’s murder

Tina Turner
Whitney Houston

Our close friends within Anonymous infiltrated the e-mail accounts of Illuminati agents several months ago, waiting for the kind of scoop we got this morning. The following is an uncensored excerpt from an Illuminati e-mail which has not been fully disclosed to the public because of its sensitive nature and the extreme discretion Anonymous uses when dealing with Illuminati material.

“The target was intercepted at Tru Hollywood and the poison was administered with very little altercation. The agent was disposed of using the established Jack Ruby method.”

Anonymous generally keeps Illuminati related hacks close to their belt, but found it outrageous that their beloved Whitney Houston – with similar eyebrows to the iconic Guy Fawkes masks – was murdered just for the purpose of distracting people from the massacres the Illuminati are currently directing in Syria.

Our analysts suggest that this is the final straw for the Illuminati. Anonymous will soon be swept away with a single campaign of false flag murders from the Illuminati, posing as angry j35t3r fans and Zetas.