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Creepy crawlies in your Internet? It’s more likely than you think

Reader beware!

There are creeps on the prowl, culminating in a Memorial Day festival of “remember me, you used to trust me? let’s talk” type of motherfuckers crawling out of the woodwork, and into your DMs.

Edward Snowden accesses sensitive files using a mind-computer interface. It would suck to be blind right now, because this picture looks pretty cool.
Your most trusted online friend.

If someone comes up to you with friend requests and hi-how-are-yous, that’s nice, but be careful when talking to them. They might seem innocuous at first, but over time – for reasons unknown – they could be building a profile of who you are, what you do, and what kind of person you are. They’re creeps, Jerry!

They might approach with strange assumptions. Don’t let these passing signals go undetected. For instance, they might approach you pretending to be someone you trust. You might recognize a name, and you could be familiar with its origin, but you did not implicitly trust that person. This is the incongruent kind of shit to watch out for.

“This dumb bastard believes I’m Jake Davis.”

Or maybe they are unstable people who can quickly turn. Time and safe practices can help you measure a person’s stability and proclivities. Unstable people might do the same, but they can turn these tools of simple good judgment into weapons of cyber, mental and emotional attacks.

“No shit ASSHOLE, but why?”

Not every creep is a fed or law enforcement. Some are just creeps, and perhaps they are the worst ones. If they are online, being creepy and arbitrarily gaining people’s trust – for no other reason than for love of the game – there is no way of knowing just how far their passion for destruction may go.

For no other reason, for love of the game.

For no other reason, your life was never the same.


— Battle Hymn of the Creepy Crawlies

Jim Hannaman
“Hey what’s up, do you trust me yet?”

These people can often try to get a person to say a certain thing, and that is where it blends into fed territory – for example, when building a case against radical Internet personalities – but shares space with life ruination types, too. In general, what are you doing talking to people who need weirdly specific shit from you?

People taking liberties is very important to Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, of the Internet Chronicle Cybernetic Institute. He says readers should watch out for people who make assumptions and operate on their assumptions with you, or people who slip inappropriate things into conversation.

Dr. Troubadour can not reproduce in a drug the same rush that people get from ruining each other’s lives.

He says at first, some creeps will try to see how much bullshit you are willing to go along with, or how much they can get by you —gaining your implied approval or acknowledgment of whatever weird shit they want to introduce into a given story.

“If you feel like you are being guided into odd conversations, that kind of person might be dangerous,” Troubadour says. “They can enter with strong egos, fun at first, but forceful as time goes on. They can be dangerous legally, by taking advantage of your politeness or putting you in a situation where you feel like you have to say something to appease them, but also in the literal sense that there is no telling what lengths a crazy person might go to get involved with your life. Just because it’s fun for them, they will sit and drink Starbucks at their computer, giggling and working to harm you, do you know what I’m saying? They’re getting a rush off that shit that I can’t even approach with TerrorMax.”

Reader beware!

For some reason we can’t have a normal society without shadow creeps crawling in, so just watch out, is all we are saying. We are all friends here. Until we’re not.

Be safe. Practice safe personal sharing guidelines. Some people might act normal, but with situational awareness, you can keep them at arm’s length, safely able to joke around and have a good time. Time and good judgment will tell if a person is truly safe. Observe their attitudes while controlling access. You might be keeping someone at arm’s length, but do they act like you are within arm’s reach?

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For the love of God, take your fucking TerrorMax. This amazing drug by Dr. Troubadour will help you keep your eyes glued to the horizons, aware of all threats – known and unknown – and vigilant against Internet try hards. Their goals are not your responsibility! Strike down their advances with TerrorMax Instant Tension powder, mixed into your favorite soda, water, or beer.

Your opps will know never to mess with Internet Chronicle readers.

This message is brought to you steadfastly by Lebal Drocer, Inc.
“Stay ahead of the game.”

By Angstrom Troubadour

Dr. Troubadour is the world's leading physician, and important contributor to leftist rag Internet Chronicle. His every word here is taken as fact.

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