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Sony shuts down PSN, saves billions and blames Anonymous

Yesterday, Sony purposefully shut down its own Playstation Network servers to save itself billions in operating costs. This move was shrouded with rumors that Anonymous has yet again resorted to the unpopular DDoS attacks that led to the failed “boycott” of Sony products on April 16th. Sony, as always, has made a meaningless and vague statement about their network status in an attempt to counter any blame.

Despite their own miserable failure with Sony, Anonymous has not even had time to come up with a new strategy. In fact, Anonymous has entirely lost interest in wasting their time on Sony. Playstation 3 owners have reactivated their violent urges which are at a steady boiling point without Call of Duty: Black Ops. The last bastion of truly free press,, has been under sporadic DDoS attacks that may have originated from “Sonyfags” or the Playstation Network itself.

Now with a scapegoat for all future network outages, Sony is free to mistreat their own user base without discretion. Sony currently has a plan in the works to create paid Playstation “Gold” accounts that will not suffer from network outages which disable completely unrelated services such as Netflix and Skype. This strategy is consistent with Reddit’s current “downtime” that allows only paid Reddit “Gold” accounts the ability to log in.

Free information and net neutrality is dying at the altar of Anonymous, as I have predicted. Public opinion is being manipulated by the global oligarchs who control multi-national corporations like Sony. The people are being whipped into a hate-storm that can only end with mass vannings of the Anonymous collective.

UPDATE: Sony has admitted that the database of personal information on PSN has been compromised. Anonymous sides with the users of PSN in filing a class action lawsuit against the incompetence of Sony!

186 replies on “Sony shuts down PSN, saves billions and blames Anonymous”

I suppose you noticed that Anonnews is down. Getting great Lulz off of this.

Looks like Anon may be getting a taste of their own medicine.

I Doubt they hacked the Chronicle, but if so, this was a good way to do it.

Whut? How is Anonymous getting a taste of it’s own medicine? Technically, due to the very nature of Anonymous, it has no official site; anonnews simply tries to compile all relevant news pertaining to Anonymous and it’s actions, to make the information more easily accessible to everyone, Anonymous, individuals, etc =]

It could be hacking, or another one of Kilgores attempts to fail troll =P

Don’t get mad at sony for blaming Anonymous, they did it in the past, so you would only assume that they did it now. Either way i don’t care who did it, i just don’t understand attacking PSN. Did these people(or person) get so bored with masturbating they had to do this?

Sony, if it takes a week to get it up then it takes a week, just make sure that it doesn’t do any dmg to our information.

If Sony does not get PSN up by 8:00 tonight(since they said it would take 2 days)we should take action by doing some thing to sony for legitly lieing to it’s users. If anyone has any ideas send it to my email, [email protected].

We should take action if Sony does not get PSN tonight by making them loose money. If any body does not agree, you should read blogs by typing your error code into google, it said two days and it started at eight o clock on wedsday.

Wow. That is all I can say. Actually, I can say a lot more but, I was raised if I cannot say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. So: “…………………………………………………..”

fuck anontards,have a cry sum more,then go pick on kids LMFAO
mm psn “should be full of kids” they are playing games lols

typical americans fail at targeting anyone with substance so they choose children RALMFAO

man, you guys are completely stupid it has nothing to do with them upgrading the servers nor does it have anything to do with them turning it off to protect themselves from a billion-trillion dollars of cash.

it’s just a simple bug within the internal system of the servers, it should take 2-3 days before it can be completely restored. so till then grab your controllers and start killing “zombies” it’s the only thing that’s fun to do while servers are done eh?

and for those you who said Sony is lying to us? please correct your spelling i mean seriously if you’re going to diss the company at-least learn to spell first?

also, Sony’s entertainment doesn’t have to worry about such a huge bill fucking up their company i mean it’s us as a community that’s helping pay that bill by buying the map packs and all that great stuff.

or go out outside and enjoy some fresh fucking air instead of letting a ps3 babysit you while your parents are at work, or at home not caring. fuck black ops. infinity ward rules. sony is rebooting servers in anticipation of 2011 releases including a certain mw3. expect much smoother gameplay, better quality all around (except in the competition, psn fags suck at most games)

i was FURIOUS… and they gave us a free game didnt they, as an apology (and it sucked lol i was just pumped ta play some cod 4 still think it was the best one)

i dont get it… how do they save billions by dropping the servers on the release date for portal and new games like socom and MK? surely they lose out big time on that market…. plus its easter school holidays. kids are buying games and using the network flatout.

no… i think they will loose quite a bit of money from this.

anonhitler… first of all your name isent edgy its just lame and offensive. secondly are you saying that children who use the playstation network enjoy rectal fornication or are they ciguretes…. or are you just a pathetic fucking nerd… oh wait im on an anon site…

jake, this would be true IF PSN charged money to play on their servers. because it’s free, your argument makes little to no sense at all. they make money from the games and the systems being bought, which will not be hampered by a few days of server downtime. if you think about it, the cost of maintaining the servers costs alot, and since they don’t make any money by people playing on them because it’s free, that particular part is a money loss. netwise, however, it’s a gain because people buy games and buy their systems to play on the internet for free, but by having the servers down for merely a few days, people will still be buying them, but without the cost of maintaining servers, it creates a larger profit.

Jeff Buddy, ill have you know sony are losing money. Sony shares dropped by 2.8% at close on thursday afteroon (after the announcement that the servers would be down a day or two). Do you think that in leaving the network down that their shares will go back up. No, they will continue to decline – therefore the company will lose money. Sure they may save money from having the servers down, and people buying games. But, when you compare this to stock market value and reputation its nothing.

attention all PS3 users i think i have figured out the reason y playstation network is shut down i think xbox is behind it do to the fact xbox 360 is in competition wit PS3 n PS3 has alot more users than xbox wat about this xbox is the cause of the network outage by xbox hacking into sony so it would crash n then it would look like hackers who have hacked sony before that way ppl would move over to xbox 360 since it is the game system at the moment were it has online tell me if this makes sense or if u agree

you have ds shortbus psn fag dick licker. sony shut down the servers so they could install software that will record everything you do or think while on the ps3. while they were doing that (it was on 420) a worker at sony tripped over the cord of the psn mainframe. its like when your power goes out and when your tv comes back on, on the guide it says To Be Announced on all the channels. its just rebooting. everyone get over it, you can live without the shitty ps3 version of black ops playing against little kids and stoners.

Well only an idiot would say there saving money as a result of shutting down there own servers.
They lose money when nobody can buy anything.DUH.
If it were a matter of saving money,why not do it on a weekly basis?
Just so you know anonymous has claimed responsibility.

By the way its old,old news that sony was intending to charge people to play online so your not announcing anything that people already knew.

You want to pick a fight.What about those big bank and goverments that have an agenda against the Union movement?
You witnessed the largest union busting in history when auto makers said they were broke and the workers need to make concessions.JOKE.
These so called hackers do nothing about this.

they’re saving alot of money. ALOT. playing on PSN is free, do you think they maintain the huge network and all of the servers for free? it probably hemorrhages money for sony to keep the PS3 network up. with only a few days downtime, it however, will not prevent users from buying games and ps3s, benfiting their company. maybe in the case of xbox it would make them lose money to have their network shut down, but with a free network like PSN, having it shut down for a few days saves a huge amount of money.

lol dave, if you listen to the video anonymous have not claimed responsility. “this is why anons all over the world are currently attacking sony, and not its PSN login servers” (1:34)

Not sure if stupid or really stupid…

1. In that video THE INDIVIDUAL who made it said that Anonymous wasn’t attacking PSN.
2. One individual cannot represent Anonymous, speaking under the name of Anonymous doesn’t mean a single Anon speaks for all Anons.
3. Have you actually paused to think (ever?) that Sony might be doing this to save money AND discredit their two most recent enemies: Anonymous and hackers like GeoHot?

Just curious =]

ember your dumb to if you think sony wants to save a buck. did you ever think sony doesn’t give two shits about anonymous, they are making WAY to much many to care. if this attack was done ‘anonymous’ly it was fool-hearted and ill-conceived. if these hackers are as good as they and sony claim they are i want to see this hacking done on a new scale. im glad the psn is down though, video games have become baby-sitters for lazy parents. maybe a kid that would normally be playing black ops today will instead pick up a richard dawkins book or watch some bill hicks…something informative

Loving the name and loving the grammar there buddy.

I am merely playing the devils advocate and theorizing, its something I enjoy. You seem to enjoy reveling in your own self superiority and your view of inferiority in other people. If you want to seem superior, you’re going to have to concentrate more on your grammar and your terminology. Many of the terms you used in that paragraph were out of place and others made little to no sense.

This is likely to just be a problem on Sony’s end but to of set the blame against a recent enemy they blame Anonymous. However I like to theorise more interesting possibilities to amuse myself. I enjoy debates =]

You’re final point is a good one though, ‘The God Delusion’ would be far more educational than camping in Black Ops… Hell, reading the instructions for the washing machine would be more constructive as well =D

rofl maybe fool hearted and ill conceived werent the best adv but fuck it i gotta b in english and i missed 13 days:)
ember add me on psn and i can talk about dawkins and hawking and hicks and sagan and jefferson and you can correct my english and we can mock the singularity of ignorance that is the playstation network

i fight for the United States of America… but im not in Afghanistan right now so how bout you let me have my fucking black ops back

Sorry anonymous, but when you’re gonna go around pulling your V For Vendetta bullshit on everyone, expect to be blamed for it all, as you scumbags deserve. Wipe away your Doritos crumbs and enjoy some sunlight, basement dwellers.

It seems like its an attack. they didnt just shut down psn they shut down everquest, dc universe, everything. The fact that its been down for more than 24 hours going on 2 days with no announcement does not give me hope. Sony does not “surprise” their customers with ANYTHING good or bad. If playstation comes back online with a new security update you’ll know its an attack. Especially if theres no announcement pertaining to it afterward.All of this pending on the event that they dont lie to us, i.e. heres you new dlc! lol



My full support to anonymous!!!! You guys got tears in my eyes!!! Good to know that there is still people out there who are not blind fool and actually have guts to do stuff!! Congratulations ANONYMOUS ! hope these comments from slaves of the system don’t put you down! You guys are indeed the sparkle in the darkness, the hope in such a putrid world. Thanks for being a voice for us all!

Only people that need to get laid around here is the Anons, with too much time on thier hands, fucking around with what other hard working people paid for…. [edited]

To the people who are supporting the hackers. What will happen when all good game developers will stop making games cause of piracy? And they will take more advantage of you people who buy their games with their own hard earned cash to get that little bit of entertainment. Can these hackers ever really create anything ? absolutely not. They won’t be able to make no God of war 3 or MGS4 or anything at all. You guys are just looking at the small picture. In the end it will be you who lose out not the Corporations and not the stupid hackers. just wait and see. I just fucking hate the hackers.

Just like how piracy stopped the music industry right? Piracy exists in the music industry; it’s flourishing, the gaming industry will not yield because like below 1% of their userbase pirates a game, if you’re gonna pirate a gaming chances are you are unable to buy games easily, or you weren’t gonna buy it in the first place.

Education Time:
In fact the hackers just want more features on their PS3. The PS3 has been out for years and it can’t do half the things the XBox 360 can, hell, there are much more better games on the Xbox 360, such as: Dodonpachi, Mushihimesama, Death Smiles or any CAVE shmup, EVERY RPG worth mentioning this gen regardless of them being shafted on the 360 and that is just the Japanese advantages, I won’t even begin on the better multiplatform western games such as Mass Effect1. The 360 has cross game chat, you can install games on the hard drive,in game custom sound track(I believe), you have Xbox live party chat, the dashboard interface undergoes regular changes (or at least more regularly than the XMB), I can go on. Hell thanks to the hackers MY PSP has in game custom soundtrack, my PSP can install full games, my PSP’s interface can change.

Sadly I’m not even a 360 fanboy I’ve had PS1, PS2 and 2 PSPs(still working to this day), 3 PS3’s (2 of them can’t read Blurays, so low failure rate my ass as far as I’m concerned PS3 has a 66% failure rate), never owned 1 XBox or 360. In fact, attacking the hackers is dumb, this is how you can tell you’re getting the shaft…head…the whole 9, this has never happened to XBox live.

Also how is Piracy even an a rebuttal for game quality dwindling? DS has great sales hardware and software, it had piracy from day 1; EVEN 3DS HAD DAY 1 PIRACY and that is selling faster than IQ207 smart pills. PSP failed because they focused on hardware over software and in the end stopped supporting the hardware. Same with the PS3, in fact the only reason Sony has not gone under as a gaming company is because of 3 things: Developer curiosity, free online gaming, and Japan’s Xenophobic attitude towards game consoles.

You know what is the worst part about all of this for people in my situation ( in countries where there is duty/ import tax on electronics but not computers) that was a loop hole for me to get my PS3’s at a reasonable price, I spent 500 on 2 launch PS3’s (due to sony not covering repairs in my region), and 1000 dollars on a 2010 Phat model. All of this because geohot made a 3.21 spoofer, that required soldering; if someone is gonna solder to hack your hardware that requires some serious dedication something a common user would lack for a 300-600 dollar console, which could’ve easily been patched and found, just like they are doing with CFW users such as myself.

Hackers haven’t done anything wrong. Hackers are hackers, pirates are pirates (and practically everyone pirates music). Sony needs to support their devices better. Don’t use piracy as a scapegoat for bad games.

and ON TOPIC: Anonymous is fail.

A veery well worded, clear and concise argument =]. I fully agree with everything you say apart from the remark about ‘Anonymous is fail’, this was just a badly organized attack which failed. Anonymous is tying to help but sometimes it just doesn’t think very hard about it first =

The argument that piracy exists in music so it is ok that it exists in Video Games is terrible at best. You pirate a song, theoretically the artist loses 0.99, not a big deal. But the artist still can make money off of perhaps the pirate actually buying the full album, or the pirate going to the concert of the artist. There is still a market for the artist. When pirating a game there is no additional payoff, a pirate isn’t going to buy a game after pirating it, a pirate is not going to go to a concert. After a game is pirated, it is game over. That is 50-60$ in lost revenue, well more than that if they play it on the corporate servers.

Comparing Gaming piracy to Music piracy is terrible at best.

We are looking at the small picture??? Lol! A msg from a real gamer to you: I Woul rather no more games at all than to become a slave for big corporations. Merely a shadow eaten by the. World, living a life without yourself. Maybe you need games so blindly desperate like this because that is the only sparkle of life you may get. Only time you can be a “hero” or make a difference is inside this scripted universe – a game. “every men dies. Not every men lives” – braveheart. Don’t take as an insult, but think about it… Think in this situation as a game, if you preffer :) and you are the man character in a world of a society that forgot how to live a long time ago. Fragiles by their lack of will, they become mere puppets to the hands of greedy corps losing their soul and their very own identity. Or if you rather, plain and simple, history, ancient Rome: tiranny forgotten by people because the tirants would give “bread and circus”.

he calls himself a real game then immediately goes on to state how he wont be a slave to corporations or a shadow. your nothing your consciousness is a quantum reaction of energy particles your perceptions are lies your life is meaningless

I just figured it out. George Bush had Bill Hicks killed. Bush is a whiny young republican daddys boy coke head alcoholic who signed over 100 bills in 1 day (he liked signing bills knowing as little about them as possible), because instead of reading them throughout the year he hid them in his desk whilst doing lines with bin laden. Bush didnt like the criticism he was receiving from Hicks, so he cried to daddy and got something done. The Bush family and everyone like them has been a liver cancer to this country for to long. thats why i like seeing obama start to get angry. im angry. my friends are angry.

Are you serious? Sony should offer you a job thats the only way to balance this bullshit out. I think any one that can hack a place should be given a job in that company’s IT SECURITY to make this into something good. hackers are fuckin smart. Haxkr r hot.


Public opinion is being manipulated by the global oligarchs who control multi-national corporations like Sony. The people are being whipped into a hate-storm that can only end with mass vannings of the Anonymous collective.

this is tottally boring geohots, good that your standing up for your self and wont back down, but clearly you didnt have ne thing to do with this shut down, so why bother ever post online about it, unless….I’d support anonymous, if it wasent for groups like these, out PS3 wouldnt be safe ever, atleast we know people are working on tryin to make them more sucure , due to the problems that have occurd in the last 2 weeks, press on geohots, and chokolo! will be free!

Somebody told us that PlayStation Network is FREE. NOT, it is NOT! Why? Because when you buy a PS3 or a Game, you pay for it, you pay to have it “free”.
Another thing that come in place is the INCOMPETENCY: it doesn’t matter that were the hackers or not, the site is down and “the maintenance” wasn’t announced.
An the last thing is FREEDOM: I want to be free to even buy the latest game through Internet – can I ? No, because the big companies now still your money in levels: New Games in the shop, Not so new Games in the paid subscriptions and Old or Stupid games and Access through the “free” Internet subscription (like the PSN). Also the DLS business. I just bought a Need For Speed for my son…and I realized that I have to spend more money if I want the complete game (they fool us that they made these DLC later… but they are only isolated and hidden in the most of the games in order to pay more for the game). This is the World we living in… and we are all participants.

I’m not an English native and I stayed 30 minutes to understand your reply. I’m an educated man and maybe I have some problems with the English topics, sorry. But like many people I saw, they are more concentrated to my English level, than having a constructive discussion, to see how we can move the society. For me, no mater you are or do, you are not a God, me neither. We are people who need to communicate in order to make something.

I think we accomplished something today – I only lost some time, trying to understand if you are “better” than the others (companies, etc). NOT, you are NOT. Sorry. Do you really think that the entire posts here do something good, positive? I feeling like I see every day the “zombies” in the metro with their mighty iPhone that “educate” you.
Maybe is because my age (41) …and I’m not so flexible, like you. God, bless you (even if I’m not a believer).

..they say so…that’s why I was fired from my last job: I was different from the others, even if it was in a positive way for the company. 10x for the respect, I like to think that I respect you, even if I tented to criticize you. Maybe will communicate some day, here my day is over.

@me nobody knows what to beleive and nobody can tell you what to beleive, but i will leave you with a quote from thomas jefferson “Question with boldness even the existence of a god; because if there be one he must approve of the homage of reason more than that of blindfolded fear” or how bout this one “Ignorance is preferable to error, and he is less remote from the truth who believes nothing than he who believes what is wrong.”

FIX THE PROBLEM ALREADY people. if they didnt want to affect the customers they should have thought about that when they started intruding. sony is gay, they are liars and cheats. makkeing us pay for exxxxxtra map macks that they already had made before black opps came out, they just waited 3 months to release them, and now they got another may 3rd or some shit. wtf fuck sony. but still not allowing us to play is dangerous to them, for all the hactivists

JOEY you must be retarted, you must not undermean. ANONYMOUS, they are one, they are you and me, they are you neighbours. we are info seakers and control our own lives.

lol this site is run by anonymous, but now i cant even tell you what that means. i feel like this all goes nowhere but it accomplishes it in a way that takes it somewhere it gives some meaning to the overall lack of meaning. does that make sense or no?

no it doesnt dumb ass. it makes no sense. im fucking confused. you remember that “i think therefore i am” shit? for a year now i feel more like “i am…i am what?” there are no right answers.

how do you know? are you even the real geo hots and if so, why would you be wasting your time on here chating with random poeple

lmfao, these people are going crazy, they need black ops !!!!! learn some knoledge and maybe you might beable to turn on the PSN by ur self, if your skills reach maximum!

1. you said learn some knowledge…WTF
2. you spelled knowledge wrong. ultra fail.
3 your making fun of ppl for needing black ops when your name on the blog you started reading because the psn servers are down is “just wants to play”
4. you sir or lady, are a bufoon

hackers are a plague, virgins trying to assume intellectual superiority because they dont believe in 666god666.
unfortunately for them not all americans are mass produced.
i dont believe in the big guy in the sky either, but #anonymous act like they know everything when in reality, they are just as clueless as everyone else. and like EVERYone else they bash what others believe. are they right about the government? most likely

you read my name too slut basket. lol/emeber i guess dont understand sarcasm.
@ember why the fuck are you an atheist who refrains from cussing? self-rightousness? prude? or because you defer to speaking more intelligently? because where i live, if i talked the way you do (which i used to), nobody would understand me. if i speak with a hint of intelligence my listener is instantly confused and the purpose of my entire conversation becomes void. yippee. i like to speak on people’s level, which yes, is generally quite low. welcome to america.

Well I’ll have to choose option C there I think; I ‘defer’ to speak more intelligently. Most people view intelligence with respect and almost everyone has a small modicum of fear within them of people who poses a higher mental capacity than them. I am not saying that I am smarter than you, but if an outsider were to look at our conversation they would likely recognise myself as the more intelligent individual.

If you, as you say, you are normally used to speaking with people who are mentally inferior to yourself, you should relish the opportunity to converse with someone more equal to your level of intelligence.

also, while your vocab is vast compared to the vernacular most americans, it is in no way a valid measure of intelligence.

Again, insults dont prove you are smarter than me or contribute to the conversion in any way. Would you like to try again?

True, most of the outspoken Americans do seem to be lacking in intelligence and, truth be told, common sense. I however know that there are smart Americans lurking and I am firm friends with many of them. I never said my ‘vocab’ means I am smarter, I simply said it makes me appear so.

Are you serious? Sony should offer you a job thats the only way to balance this bullshit out. I think any one that can hack a place should be given a job in that company’s IT SECURITY to make this into something good. hackers are fuckin smart.

sooo sony…uhm…why didnt you tell your ‘fans’ about the ‘maintenance’ and why is your only answer “we thank you for your patience”

if you gave me a really good copier, and one or two cloning machines i could give you 99.9666% of humans. @Sony -funding worthy right?
i’ll do it for a couple billion, and a house on a big ass tropical island branson style for privacy (not so my human copy army can grow weed and sell it to terrorists so they realize they should @USA mind your own business you hypocrite neoneonazi facist. we would definitely not do that)

This shit is to funny. you people complaining about black ops is like a tard waiting to have a seizure. NO BBBB BLACK OPS………..shit here it comes. I tolerate black ops but it is not that good. just go join the rest of the shitbox owners if your that fucking strung out. Here is an idea that might kill some time while your waiting…………GET SOME FUCKING FRESH AIR

And now it would appear that my posts are being moved around. I am tiring quickly of such of such petty tactics.

With all of there shutting down to up-grade the system, and other B.S. you would think, Sony, playstation, would have the best operating system in the world. Plus, with the spring break going on they would, stop there S_ _ _ and do it during school hours come on get your CRAP together or maybe Wii system still is better?

fuck this i could care less who turned off psn i just want it back theres never been any maintenance that lasted this long

It seem’s to me that, you all were just doing this last week the week before and the week before so, how many more times this monthe and next are you ass holes going to be doing this? Why can’t we, get a trueful answer from you all as to why the damn system is always down we deserve it since we are buying your products to play on this system!!!!!

Sony never said ANON was responsible for the DDoS and outage of their service. They only stated that an attack was made by an outside party, and that they were still investigating who was responsible. Anon was not even mentioned.

As far as being attack by an Sony itself is highly implausible. The legal charges they could face would not be worth the gain, which there is no gain. Companies do not operate like that. The coincidental timing of the attack on AnonNews more than likely came from a QQing hacker playing the blame game because he could not get his fix of Black OPs.

Finally, You get what you pay for. The PSN is free to use for everyone, and as Sony has stated it will remain that way for basic services. Complaining about it is like pirating a movie and then complaining to the uploader that its quality was not up to par with your standards. Your getting this shit for free, thats more than I can say about other networks out there. I believe the “Gold” feature will be a great addition to the network for players willing to pay an extra buck to receive better services.

ok u bunch of piece of shit, 40 yr old virgin ass nerds better just pray! i hope u kno there r so many people that want u DEAD!!!! deny it all u want but nobody is so stupid to believe u. fuck u and i hope u all burn in hell!!! u got nothing better to do with ur lives then to sit in front of a computer and beat off on 1 page wile ur takin out ur anger, that u cant get ur dick wet, on the other!!! u sad lowlife fuckin NERDS U WILL GET UR CARMA!!!!!!!!

your really saying people want these “hackers” DEAD for sony not taking care of their shit properly, resulting in you not being able to play cod all day with 8yo.
you sir, are a moron. also, you are probably a virgin who gets pissed off at cod because you suck..because you are a moron.

@ember, i wasn’t trying to insult you.i call you a prude because you come off as one. its that simple. and im glad you realize using an expansive vocabulary (correctly) only makes you appear smarter. prude

Seriously. He’s acting fake as shit. I’m glad to see some INTELLECTUAL discussion around here. I bet Ember’s hand is softer than kitten’s fur due to all that masturbation.

Ember: why do you behave in this manner?

Ember’s an echo of myself, as I am an echo of anonymous. I hope that we who subvert those who subvert will forever be subverted in an endless recursive process.

Also, Ember’s a female name, right?

buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttt. i would love the opportunity to write for a site like this, even for free. sir?
@XoR50r5 big lol, huge

in your endless quest for “teh lulz” it seems you have lost track. i can’t say for sure what you wanted from this site when you started it, but was this really it?

i used to enjoy every post. maybe i’ve changed, its possible. i feel you need to sit down, smoke a blunt, drink a beer, and think about where this site is going. until you recognize how big this webpage could be, it will never get there.

i realize my rant is oddly heartfelt and quite redundant, but take it as a friend trying to help, not a troll, or as someone who doesn’t recognize this specific brand of comedy.

John Skittles McStarbust Stamos

Sure. What should we do? And why is this a reply to my comment? Are you the same person who wrote “haha i dont believe any of your stories’ because if you are, that’s two useless comments so far, and I gotta feeling strike 3 is coming.

Tell me, oh great and honorable John Stamos, how to change the Chronicle.SU and make it “big.”

no i’m not the same person.
i feel i should reinterate that i don’t know what you want from your site.
there is a bad habbit of attacking people intellectually here, which doesn’t bother me. but i think you spend too much time defending your post while also making fun of the idiots.
again, i used to enjoy this site quite a lot, i’ve read nearly every article, and recently i’m disappointed.
you’ll probably take no heed of anything i say, which i understand that. there are very few people, if any, that i actually “listen” to.
i just think you should know my criticism comes from a love of what do combined with a dislike for what you’ve become.
i’m not going to try to tell you what you should do, i’m simply asking, is this really what you wanted it to be? i had bigger visions for it when i first started visiting, surely you hoped for more as well.
maybe you need ibogaine and an isolation chamber to figure it out. if so, go for it.

with love,
the great and honorable John Skittles McStarburst Stamos

god the cronical is so bad these days, this was their last great article. RIP cronical

Casey Anthonyfags are all “reasonable doubt” but us Cayleefags are all “murderous demon spawn bitch!”

they use to be cool, but now they’re just hipster wannabe trolls or something

the worst part is i almost know they’ll think i’m trolling or have some hidden agenda, because thats what they look for. they seem to have trouble taking things literally. i think it might have something to do with this site actually. they’ve become engrossed in this fake satire sarcastic trolling not trolling bitcoin anonymous wikileaks world. its as if they’re sense of reality is distorted. thats why i suggested ibogaine, and perhaps meditation

sir, your critique lacks substance. as such, it has been deemed a failtroll.

John Stamos is an ibogaine addict the likes of which Edmund Muskie could never keep up with. Failtroll!? Maybe. Sir, we have a sense of reality, but we live in an alternate one you may not recognize. As a de facto journalist for posterity, the fictional world of Chronicle.SU is built upon our ever changing frame of reference. You may donate bitcoins by clicking my name, and we will use them to purchase ibogaine because of our unconditional love for drugs. All are trolls who post upon Chronicle.SU!


I’ll give you a fair answer since I know what you’re getting at.

I guess I would like to see the Chronicle.SU “funnier,” as in not just inside jokes that only we get, or think is funny; however, when we set out telling jokes and realized what kind of website we are making, we knew not everyone would go along with it, and we knew only a handful of people who come across the site will really follow us. We never had any aspirations of becoming The Onion II, either.

But what i hear you telling me is that you read the site regularly, often and thoroughly – and you carry this gut feeling that we have more potential than we reach for, and you’d like to see us doing much better than we are – we could be more poignant, spot-on, hilarious and relevant. I agree.

That is why I asked for your input, and not a reiteration of what you first said. But I think above is the problem if you really want to discuss the creative process: connecting our talents seamlessly to our convictions and clarity of understanding of the world around us.

That goes back to what Billy said. I think there’s a specific truth that not even underground news agencies can put their fingers on, and to fill in those gaps we must invent conspiracies or play up those which already exist. This, too, can be satirical and I’ve never seen anyone push absurdity to the limits that Kilgore Trout has, and still keep it funny. Maybe that’s because I know him personally and understand his sense of humor better than anyone else in the world. And maybe you’re right that he and I don’t do a good enough job bringing you in on the joke. But that’s not our problem. We don’t have bosses breathing down our necks. We don’t have advertisers demanding more readers before they pull our pensions. And our lives don’t magically improve even if we nail the shit out of our favorite subjects. We only have each other. And if we enjoy that more than you enjoy reading it, then the most direct response to your question would be: Yes, this is what I wanted. [And your snide remarks which I do appreciate by the way, and to the contrary do not feel the need to defend myself against. You are however the first person to question us so coherently.]

We’ve been talking about a visual overhaul that would not necessarily take the site in a new direction, but improve upon the direction it’s already going; for instance, we love playing up the purported glory of Police States, failing governments that insist upon their own omnipotence, and the virtues of unrestrained Capitalism. I think a new site design that appeared sleeker, shinier and more Web 3.0 would do well to glorify the technological enslavement of mankind if at the same time we created some more ads that put a positive light on entities like OPEC, NATO, Time Warner, anti-P2P corporations and the NSA surveillance supercomputer.

I think our main problem is that the socio-economic discrepancies exacerbated by media psychosis and western absolutist thought tied to christian upbringing has led Conservapedia to certain doom, while Wikipedia has entered a completely anarchic state.

It’s a fair point you raise, to say we aren’t as good as we once were. The truth is that you aren’t as good as you used to be. You have failed to follow the story arc of the internet, and are being left behind in a stoned, meditative state.

Meanwhile, Social Media is now able to predict your preference for a mate 33% of the time, and will soon close in on 100%. As such, we must face Barrett Brown down and watch as weaponized Social Media takes the place of prisons.

I would love to fuck Boxxy

lolol kilgore. you used to be my favorite.

that was the first genuine response i’ve ever received on this site, and for that i say thank you.
At one point it almost brought a tear to my eye, at others i laughed.
i realize i won’t get all of your jokes, and i realize that you and other writers control this site, with no corporate input, and with financial gain likely the furthest thing from your minds, and that i appreciate, because it’s quite rare and i think you’ll agree.
but notice the response kilgore gave.
it’s funny, i “luld” but i dont think he sees where i’m coming from. i think you, “rupert” might.
haha sleeker 3.0??? that was funny. but i think you also know that isn’t what i’m suggesting at all. again i don’t want to suggest anything, i don’t know how to run a site or i would doing so.

just keep in mind, while what you do is good, and often funny, there are people out there, very few, that see the world or the universe or the cosmos or existence, whatever you call it, in a similiar way as you do. while “teh lulz” are great, i recognize you and old brutus, and now to a lesser extent kilgore, as individuals perhaps more intelligent than myself. i posses a certain ability and even lust for abstract thought. i thrive off intellectual stimulation. i guess that is where my problem with the chronicle comes into play…i’m no longer being satisfied.
you all seem so wrapped up in trolling or failtrolling and everything like it, personally i think it’s annoying.
i’ve probably rambled a lot in this response, if so, i apologize, i’m pretty fucking distracted.

oh ya, you made statements in your response that reminded me of Dead Prez lyrics, i thought that was kinda cool.

anyway, good luck on your quest for “teh lulz” i hope you find them. i plan to continue visiting this site, simply because i know tomorrow i could get on and not see the word troll anywhere. i can hope right?

John S.M. Stamos

i feel, this being the chronicle, i should point out i’m VERY aware it isn’t your job as writers to satisfy me. my point in saying that was that you used to…

“It’s a fair point you raise, to say we aren’t as good as we once were. The truth is that you aren’t as good as you used to be. You have failed to follow the story arc of the internet, and are being left behind in a stoned, meditative state.”

I only get high on weekends:)

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