KABUL, Afghanistan — Strange new reports from American intelligence officials in Afghanistan suggest the sudden appearance of an unlikely face among the turmoil. Legendary pop star and homosexual pedophile Michael Jackson, who is widely believed to have died from a heart attack at his Los Angeles home in 2009, was reportedly spotted in and around several small villages under control by emerging factions of the Islamic State, or ISIS.
ISIS, who recently suffered losses with the collapse of oil prices, have turned to human trafficking as a means of income, pulling in a remarkable $520 million in 2014. Among their customers are major governmental figureheads, from British MPs to American diplomats, and even celebrities. Classified intelligence reports suggest the appearance at “human trade shows” of a tall, pale white man who never speaks.
An anonymous source inside the CIA told the Internet Chronicle he has firsthand evidence Jackson is taking advantage of the fog of war throughout several despotic gaps in the Kandahar region of Afghanistan, one of the deadliest and most easily exploited provinces in the Middle East.
Experts predict that after five years without medical care, Jackson’s plastic surgery has likely suffered gross deterioration. Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, of the Los Angeles School of Cosmetic Surgery and Design, said he believes there is a good chance Jackson’s sandblasted face has taken on a new, unknown form.
“His face could appear weathered, pock-marked and cratered,” Troubadour said, “He probably has changed so much he is no longer recognizable, which would give him a staggering advantage over his prey.”
Conspiracy theories already emerging suggest Jackson, compelled by an insatiable lust for child sex, faked his own death and even allowed his personal doctor to face jailtime, to go onto a permanent sex vacation, walking the earth until he “ascends to take his throne in the great big Neverland Ranch in the sky.”
29 replies on “Michael Jackson ‘spotted in Afghanistan’”
Christ, hey could I re-post this on Business Insider?
Just give attribution. The Associated Press calls the Internet Chronicle legitimate.
This needs to be shared
So as we wake up to the news in France and all I can think of is two things, first the conversation you and the fishfag had recently of trying to justify depicting Muhammad satirical in the chronicle, during a recent Hate Radio episode. Secondly I thank Allah that the corporation of Lebal Drocer and it’s sister companies are too cheap have physical offices for their trafficked slaves, I mean their employees/wprkers
Just because someone doesn’t have a sense of humor doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be ridiculed. #RipCharleHebdo https://twitter.com/CronkiteSays/status/552831262734680064
Expect 72 underaged virgins #opDeathEaters
i hope that michael jackson is alive. dont matter how he is look like.
i want justice for what the elite (illuminati or armageddon conspiration) done to him.
Okay, firstly I do believe Michael is alive.
Secondly, the “homosexual pedophile” is so fucking disrespectful, he is NOT gay, he is NOT a pedophile. Everybody can think whatever they fuck they want.
Yass preach it is disrespectful and they need to quit it disgusts me in how they think if him it us utterly disgusting he is human and those children lied so disrespectful
Is that even the way to describe someone? Even if it’s an unknown guy????
“Legendary pop star and homosexual pedophile Michael Jackson”….
You haters will always say this but he was such an innocent and honest guy, you would find someone like him easily nowadays. The one who wrote this article
“.I.. F the press Michael is the best”
And just leave him alone, you won’t make any money on this stupid stuff, let him rest in peace.
Yeah John and andrea you are right, this fucking guy (such an asshole) who wrote this about MJ has no respect, I think his/her parents abandoned him/her while he/she was young so maybe he/she is ilmannered and illiterate.
I couldn’t even read the last paragraph! Oh Goddd so stupid and ilmannered people. Yuck!!!!! May you not live a happy life.Amen
What a disgusting article. Slanderous In every way. Apparently you have nothing better to do or any real purpose in life to find time to lie to the world.
daer micheal jackson is she her alvie happy you happy 25 bariday from manar new womn im see you sarry not you see yours home saty you teddy baer love ask you marry you yes or no new mom yes or no sex you hot love
Ok so not even sure how I ended up on this page but I did and oh Mylanta! First off why is it that these reliable sources cannot pen who wrote this article? Well whomever it was had better pray that Michael is no longer with us cause I do believe he would have a slander case on his hands! You people are lower than the dog doo on my shoe! Just remember you reap what you sow in life, so karma is gonna bite yall hard and I would not want to be you for anything! You are a bunch of cowards for not crediting wo wrote this article so that we may approach them by name!
“Legendary pop star and homosexual pedophile Michael Jackson ”
FUCK YOU and FUCK THIS SITE !
Learn a thing of two about respect, facts, and integrity before you post complete bullshit on a shitty website like this one.
Every dog has its day no matter what or where just a matter of time people need to be fair real and be truefull and the government need to step up and b fair to all people and stop this in justice they money hungry and letting any thing go like Sodom an gorrmo god is coming to destroy these evil wicked selfish partiality unfair lieing people for good through Jesus Christ and his holy angels he have trillions of them on every side of him coming to fight up against Satan and his 1/3 of evil angels and evil people no one will b standing but none violent none evil Jesus saved people saved by faith in Jesus Christ the time is near any day now saved people will inherit this earth evil people Will die …
Look Michael Jackson is not a homosexual!!! The only thing I believe about MJ is anything he says himself! He made Neverland so children can get away from there problems. And I beLIEve that the King is comeing back soon. I never meant him and I know I’ll never get to meat him but I believe him. Just read his lips LITERALLY! And I really hope he sees this. That man is truly amazing and he outsmarted the hole world…think about that…
Niggers b mad and shit still lelz
Stupid man! Stupid article. Stop hating on MJ u bastard
this is bull. Why do u say those things about the number one Pop star whether he is alive or not. Also people made up rumors that he’s planning an attack on the U.S. What kind of bull shit is that!!! I believe that MJ is resting in peace and that all of this is fake. Idk whether he is alive or not but what I do know is that this article was very disrespectful and hurtful and very untrue. I would never credit or suggest this site for anything. I’m 15 and I have more manners than the author of this article would ever have
Plz leave mj out of any homosexual act coz he is not one he’s so Kind to do that
Hey u stupid man/lady what u thing who da hell u are ha u Fucking idiots how dare u to post this kinda bullshit we still believe that MJ is still Living in our heart i love mj from bottom of my heart so many great dancers are out today because of Michael Jackson ur kinda some jealousy pplz also want to break da record of great mj but its not gonna happen in future there is only one mj n we all fans love him so much ..live n let others live..
Listen you Fuck retard, it’s been six years and you morons still want to earn your money by spoiling a kind hearted persons name. Fuck you dick head and get a life. This is not journalism, learn some basics.
This is absolute crap stop being jealous and greedy Don’t mess with MJs legacy bitches
what king of pop is alive kkkkkkkk think twice guys let MJ rest in peace , some fake pics there and yu belived it kkkkkkkk even a child can tell yu that why can micheal hide him self and he’s billoner
what ?the king of pop is alive kkkkkkkk think twice guys let MJ rest in peace , some fake pics there and yu belived it kkkkkkkk even a child can tell yu that why can micheal hide him self and he’s a billoner
One thing’s for sure, Michael Jackson defined an era with his hits and bangers. He’s responsible for the Sega Genesis success. Do not underestimate him, living, or otherwise.