Elon Musk announced his new political party shortly before ICE troopers besieged his compound
INTERNET — Fans expressed both glee and dismay as Elon Musk announced the formation of a new American political party, Friday, in celebration of Independence Day.
Floating the names “X-ist,” and “America Party” Musk promised full adherence to all non-viral ideologies and accession of the manifest destiny of the United States government to full control over the solar system and ultimately the galaxy.
Elon Musk’s trademark exaggeration and hard-boosted tweet reached more people than any other post in history with over 650 million views in just one hour
Perennial critics at YourAnonNews asked, “Why does America need another billionaire’s party?”
Musk fired back, limiting the visibility not only of the account but of the entire line of critical thought, identifying even its sarcastic expressions utilizing sophisticated AI.
Musk panned Trump’s economic policies as “socialist” and promised an end to poverty through investment in X coin.
In a scene reminiscent of Waco, ICE agents laid siege to Musk’s compound in Texas at dawn this morning, with denaturalization proceedings for the South African billionaire expected to revoke his citizenship by this afternoon.
Festooned with the latest military technology, ICE Command Trooper first class Henrique Von Braun of Pennsylvania projected his voice directly into Musk’s office with the LRAD’s laser-like intensity, “We’ve got ten semi trucks with scores of fiber optic FPV drones ready to deploy at a moments notice, and a dozen toxic gamers with itchy trigger fingers, Mr. Musk. Just come out peacefully, while you still have a chance at due process.”
“That’s a lie,” Von Braun winked at reporters, who watched on in astonishment as he wielded limitless paramilitary style power. “Hit him with the microwave beam, let’s see how that apartheid bastard likes a little Havana Syndrome.”
An ICE trooper shouldered a large weapon, resembling a large film camera. In the oversized monitor, reporters could make out the infrared light signature of an oddly barrel-chested man holding a child up as a human shield. “That ain’t gonna stop this weapon,” the trooper laughed with a cruel smirk. A humming and then the smell of burnt electronics was observed as both figures fell to the ground in anguished paroxysms.
Fans mourn the loss of Aella, prominent sex influencer, writer, and pornstar. Aella was found dead in her San Francisco penthouse Monday morning by police investigating a noise complaint. Deputy Frankie Hardswallow said the adult film star “died in unspeakable pleasure.”
Detective Chris Mooney has not yet ruled out foul play, saying, “It sure looks like a suicide to me, but she was mixed up with some really messed up people, said and did many things most normal people might find despicable.”
Aella was a member of a Neo-Randist cult called “The Rationalists,” a nascent organization loosely bound together by the perceived threat of AI undermining the human drive towards excellence. Like Rand’s so-called Objectivism, its founder Eliezer Yudkowsky charts out a path to Truth, his so called Sequences. Yudkowsky’s tedious intuition pump essays appeal most of all to unwary young engineers and software developers who hope to optimize the logic of their brain. However, the violent past of Yudkowsky’s radicalized followers has necessarily caused concern for local police investigating the still-unexplained death of Aella.
Public opinion of Aella’s “Rationalism” as applied to intimate human relations turned her into a grotesque lolcow on social media, trolling abuse culminating in her reaction, “…I’m a meme…I feel kind of broken…I’m so sad the world is shaped this way.” Social media user Sarah Norman responded, “I don’t even follow her and yet she is on my timeline talking taboo this, sex that, children this, and so what? No one cares. I don’t care. Fix the algorithm, Elon.”
Internet Chronicle was able to reach Grimes, pop star and sole defender of Aella’s philosophy. Grimes told reporters, “I want this like, off the record, okay? Quote the other stuff I said. It’s like, she’s a philosopher. Hello? You’re supposed to be making people angry and provoking their reaction big time. Flat out, they just don’t get it. Like a play party is where adults have sex, not kids. It wasn’t really like that at all, not like they say at least.”
Porn fanatic Jeb Garvin wrote on Aella’s memorial Facebook page, “I never got the philosophy thing from her, I always thought she was more about gangbangs. Always felt like I could talk books with Charlotte Sartre or even Sasha Grey, but I never got the feeling like Aella reads too much. To each their own.”
INTERNET – EXHILARATING new developments as Revenge Pornographers LOCK DOWN TANTALIZING LEAKS: GLENN GREENWALD GAY; CONFIRMED!
The raunchy exposé follows YEARS of tedious genocide coverage by the failed journalist, hosted confusingly on Power-Zionist Peter Thiel’s shock news site RUMBLE™. Greenwald had been whining endlessly about incinerating toddler or some such rubbish, but all the while he was betraying their interest – and yours – by soliciting GAY ACTION.
Thiel complained to Chronicle, “I-I-I-I-I- I just told him to…. To…. to stop! I said, I said GLENN. We- you- I- w- you can’t do this! I can’t host this! You think- you think- what, you think it makes any difference if- if- if- if you’re Jewish? Buddy, that’s precisely who they’re locked in on! You think I want these people coming after me?! You… I… You… There’s a very strict protocol for these business arrangements. I-I-I-I- I told him…. Glenn! You have to STOP!”
Get ready, because what you’re about to see next on this web article will chill you to your very bone. Glenn Greenwald in dainty maid and skirt pantyhose gruesome fetish FUCK
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Image pixelated to protect victims (You.) Face of Greenwald maintained for public interest.
I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT, CAN YOU? WILL ANYTHING EVER BE THE SAME AFTER THIS?!
The breaking story reached front desk of Lebal Drocer CEO Raleigh T. Sakers who all but confirmed Mossad was behind the hit. “This is almost certainly Mossad’s doing, I go golfing with the guy who keeps hold of this filth. He has his own private server.Petabytes of the shit.
“But you listen to me cockroach, I’ve been happy to let the Chronicle slide into irrelevance to avoid precisely this type of scandal. You think I want my good friends smeared in my own paper? Not a chance! We’ve got a fundraiser coming up for the annual Fair Saint Louis Parade and I do not want our biggest donors unhappy.
“If you so much as think of publishing even the faintest allusion that Mossad is behind this? You better believe you’ll be the next one in tight panty girdle on the front page of the New York Post! Oh, what’s that? No such thing exists? WHAT DO YOU THINK WE HAD THAT AI BUILT FOR? WRITING ARTICLES? GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!”
Auernheimer’s public profile may never recover from his association with degenerate Glenn.
Long time collaborator and heterosexual icon Andrew “Woiv” Auernheimer was shocked and appalled, “this whole time I thought Glenn was Aryan and straight, but it turns out he’s Jewish and gay? What the fuck, man!” Greenwald did everything in his power to rehabilitate Auernehimer’s public image after a neo-nazi hack gone wrong, but it just wasn’t enough. Old wounds now re-open, and the salt inserts directly, “it’s given me a lot to think about that’s for sure! HAH! HAH! HAH!”
None were more bothered by it though than old friend and collaborator Ethan Klein of h3h3 fame. Klein recently fell into a heaping pile of dung when it got accidentally revealed his wife “Hila” Klein was a former raider in the Israeli Defence Force. The controversy saw users haemorrhaging out of his podcast – and spondulix out of his pocket. Klein worked quick to control the damage, but it just wasn’t enough.
In a last ditch attempt h3 swallowed his pride and solicited donations for Palestine, but accidentally gave all of it to Ahmed Fouad Alkhatib, a Palestinian, yes, but sneakily employed by the Atlantic Council, direct facilitators of the democide. With no where left to turn, Klein’s only hope was a puff piece at the intercept from him old chum Greenwald Glenn, but it turned out he was batting for the other side.
Klein became aggressive on stream after his hypocrisy was revealed.
“After all these years my good friend Glenn Greenwald can’t even lift a finger to write some positive press about me? It pisses me off!”
“For months on end now he’s been brow beating me, Ethan your perspective’s all wrong, Ethan you’re on the wrong side of history. Ethan. Ethan. Ethan. Ethan. But the whole time this is what he’s doing? Maybe those kids deserved to die if this is who’s really pushing their agenda!”
