Internet Chronicle

INTERNET — As the media frenzy over Trump’s ties to Jeffrey Epstein boil over, Vice President Vance has quietly moved forward in talks with Stephen Miller, who finished the first draft of Project 2026 Monday evening.

Stating that national security is threatened by a “brain drain” as wealthy liberals leave the nation, Project 2026’s first priority is to restrict travel and ban Americans from emigrating or becoming citizens of other nations.

While it’s true that school shootings, political retaliation, racist violence, and mass imprisonments have driven well-to-do liberal Americans into leaving the country by the tens of thousands each month, that isn’t the whole story. According to some experts, the architects of Project 2026 are more concerned with the possibility of lower income classes leaving the country by the tens of millions when Project 2025’s Soviet-style forced labor provisions begin to kick in.

Historian and Political Science professor Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, however, believes this sudden shift in policy was planned, “The wall was never about keeping immigrants out, but rather keeping the masses in, and forcing productivity out of them. The New Iron Curtain, as Vance himself calls it, will have Americans working for even less than the illegals.”

Troubador sat back in his chair, smoking a cuban, “You wanna know what I really think? ICE is only running a pilot program with the deportations, and in the end it’s all going to build up to this sophisticated paramilitary for compelling labor, punishing political expression, and imprisoning tens of millions of American citizens. You think they arrested citizens on accident? Think again. They are only pushing against the Republic for judicial or legislative resistance and weeding it all out ahead of time. Any Americans who aren’t imprisoned will find themselves in permanent debt and compelled to work forty hours a week at jobs they are not legally allowed to quit. Project 2026 signals the end of Republicanism and the beginning of a dynastic totalitarian empire.”

INTERNET — Ghislaine Maxwell granted her first telephone interview from prison to Internet Chronicle reporters. After meeting with DOJ officials, Wednesday, Maxwell shared details of her lurid affair with President Trump.

IC: Who was your contact with the DOJ, in your recent meeting?

GM: It was Trump himself, I was taken to the local Federal building and spoke with the president and Kash Patel over a secure line. He had great things to say.

IC: Great things? Do you expect that you’ll receive a pardon in the coming days?

GM: That’s what I’ve been promised.

IC: We’ve been reviewing the Epstein tapes, and we’ve heard Jeffrey complaining about Trump sleeping with all his friends’ wives. Did Trump ever attempt anything with you?

GM: Absolutely. Every time he could, he grabbed me just like he always bragged about. I don’t usually go for that but he’s famous, you know? I heard that tape and everyone does everyone’s wives in our circle, Jeffrey just got mad because he wasn’t cool like that. Hell, we all banged Melania whenever we felt like it.

IC: What was in the box that you brought back from the meeting?

GM: Snacks, drinks, some personal items. It wasn’t the list if that’s what you’re getting at.

IC: So when it comes to the child sex trafficking, what was Trump’s involvement there?

GM: Trump’s 100% innocent. Melania had nothing to do with it. Nothing. There’s no list, no crimes, and all the accusations against me are political lies cooked up by the Democrat Party.

IC: What do you think took place during the missing three minutes from Epstein’s prison suicide video?

GM: How the hell should I know? Democrats maybe? They probably killed him! God, he was a gentle, loving man who would never harm a fly. Donald Trump was lucky to have him as a friend for so long, up until Trump banned Melania from working for us. It’s like all those years and it’s over just like that?

IC: What are your plans for when you get out of prison?

GM: I’m going to become chair of the Young Republican National Federation, do youth outreach. I wanted something more official in the administration, but this actually pays a lot more and I’m not exactly bargaining with a full hand here so whatever. I’ve got to go. Trump is 100% innocent, make sure you print that.

WASHINGTON DC — Insiders at the Trump administration leaked details of the Trump Administration’s plans to pardon Ghislaine Maxwell, Wednesday. Details of the plan include a significant hush money payment to Maxwell, possibly in the billions, and paid out by the Department of Homeland Security.

Reporters questioned Trump while he was golfing at Mar-A-Lago, who appeared to confirm the pardon. “There was no list, no trafficking, aren’t you people tired of this? But I can tell you, what’s going to happen in the coming weeks will be a major surprise. Major.”

“It’s Stormy Daniels 2.0,” Political analyst and legal historian Dr. Angstrom H. Trouabador told reporters, “Except this time, Trump has turned his personal, private, and political vulnerability into a taxpayer expense, all in the name of National Security.”

Joe Rogan, conservative podcaster and former Fear Factor host, got up out of his chair and threw several haymakers at his training bags in a rage. “I’m responsible for this, for having Trump on the show and covering for these sickos, and I’m just having a hard time living with myself for the past few weeks. It sucks man, it sucks but it’s true.”

Alex Jones challenged lifelong friend Joe Rogan to a “fight to the death” after declaring that the Epstein story was a “hoax” by the Democrat mafia in Washington, echoing a similar challenge which landed the “Liver King” in prison, last month.

The state of Texas issued a warrant for the arrest of Alex Jones, who has been accused of making Terroristic Threats.