Boxxy, will you at least go on a date with me?

Catie Wayne, the creator of Boxxy, is possibly the greatest actress and troll of our time. As she comes of age and the crapflood of prepubescent fanboys turn gay, her fine art can be better appreciated.

That’s why I would like to forever dedicate everything on Chronicle.SU to Boxxy. She is my soul mate and kindred spirit. Her infinite beauty and bottomless pool of talent caused the internet to implode with jelly. I would commit suicide if it meant a single night in the arms of Catie Wayne.

Listen, if the Svetlana bitch fucks with you again, I’ll take matters into my own hands. That goes for any Boxxy haters out there. Back the fuck off. You will get d0xed, you will get hacked, and you will regret it. No one fucks with Catie Wayne.

I know when I asked you to marry me yesterday it was a little too much all at once, maybe.

I would like to ask you on a date, Catie, and I will treat you like a perfect gentleman. I can buy you lobster if you want and then I’ll serenade you with banjo music afterwards over a bottle of red wine. Then we can stare into each other’s eyes for a few hours or for however long is cool with you. You have such nice eyes. I’d really like to gently caress your face and run my hands through your beautiful dark hair.

We don’t have to go out to a fancy restaurant if that’s not your thing. We could go to an independent movie theater and see a comedy. We could even go see a play if that’s  more what you’re in to. I saw pics of you in a high school play, so that might be right up your alley. It doesn’t matter. It would be so great just to share some laughs with you. If you’re not into intimate eye-contact on the first date we can go out to a bar or something. I know you’re not 21 yet but I know a few bartenders who wouldn’t ask questions.

Then again, this still might all be too much at once. You might not even like alcohol. It’d be pretty chill to go for a walk through the woods and just hold hands with you. I’d take you to this place where there’s a waterfall and when we got there I’d try to sneak in an innocent kiss on your cheek. If you’re down with getting stoned we could smoke a little too and just lay around enjoying the serenity. I mean this might not be your thing either and you might hate weed, a lot of people do.

It’s cool if you don’t drink or smoke. I barely ever do it. In fact, I’ll quit if you want me to. I want to take you on a trip around Europe. We would visit all the most important art museums, because I bet you have a very sophisticated taste in art. We could spend a whole week walking through the Louvre and still not see it all. I would wait until we got to the Eiffel Tower to kiss you, because that would be the perfect timing.

I can’t wait until we fall in love.