Britney Spears ‘desperately addicted to the internet’

Britney Spears covers her sunken internet-addicted eyes with cakey makeup.
Britney Spears covers her sunken internet-addicted eyes with cakey makeup.

LAS VEGAS–Britney Spears is at it again, but this time her family has stepped in to prevent her dangerous, but not-so-teenage pop star antics.

Currently working on a $100 million deal, the former starlet will be performing Las Vegas shows, like a ‘slave’, each night at the TransAtlantis Casino and Resort Hotel. The 31-year-old’s worsening addiction to googling herself has caused her handlers to take away all internet and phone privileges, as if she were an innocent child incapable of taking care of herself–yet paradoxically she is expected to be a ‘jaded’ sexual adult.

“Internet Addiction is especially dangerous for celebrities who want to keep a handle on their own failing career,” said addiction expert Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour. After several botched plastic surgeries, Spears’ aging face no longer arouses middle-aged male fans. This caused the sharp decline in Spears’ record sales which led to the degrading new gig in Vegas. ‘Britney’, as her fans once knew her, has reportedly not been laid in years, and is putting on excess weight due to her deepening internet addiction.

Britney Spears will never, ever, be famous again. She peaked decades ago, and no one wants to see a wrinkly old woman pretending to be a sexy child-adult star. Her series of tragic comebacks and failed image-reboots have culminated in the only way possible: Fat Old Spears will work away her last few days performing for bored Las Vegas drunks, as she herself marinates in the same fatal solution of pills and booze that claimed Fat Old Elvis.

3 replies on “Britney Spears ‘desperately addicted to the internet’”

you are an complete and utter ignorant jerk do you realize that Britney’s tours have all been sold-out including the Circus tour as well as Femme Fatale Tour so clearly people still want to see her no matter how many wrinkles and who cares if she has gotten work done it’s her money there is nothing wrong with the way she looks please post a picture of yourself and show us how perfect you are while you are insulting someone looks the internet has truly brought out the worst in people we have become so disrespectful towards one another it is sad and you do realize her albums Blackout, Circus, Femme Fatale all went to number 1 and all of those albums came out after 2003 so she is just as successful today as she was in 1999 please before you write something so rude do your research first and how stupid do you have to be she put on weight because she is in her 30’s and has had 2 kids your body never goes back to what it is after that she has a curvy tone body there is nothing wrong that if you enjoy the size 0 women just go look at one of those models and lastly why are you concern with her sex life? is it because you are not getting any either ?

Never become famous again? She’s the highest paid female in music ranking in 58 millions (Forbes 2012) Her last album debuted at #1 on Billboard and scored three Top 10 singles despite she did not even promote it. She is very famous and she has nothing to prove. She’s in the Madonna situation.She rocked the world a decade ago but after 15 years she is still relevant.. She’s BRITNEY SPEARS.. Nobody can reach her level..

She has 34 millions followers at Twitter which is the most popular social networking site. And you say she won’t be famous again? She’s already famous, she makes money sleeping while others have to work their pussies 7/24 LOL

Leave a comment (or don't)