INTERNET — After reports Monday that Jay Leno suffered massive burns to his face when a Tesla vehicle detonated in his garage, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador told investigators, “Jay Leno’s trademark chin will not be salvageable, and I personally suspect foul play.”
Leno Superfan Doug Jackson reacted with horror, saying, “That’s the end of his comedy career. Without that golden chin, he’s just a cut-rate Letterman. He should have stayed away from those dangerous electrical vehicles.” Millions of Leno fans echoed this sentiment, and lament that the former titan of comedy may never get another laugh.
Leno’s former friend and confidante Elon Musk, now firmly in control of the global narrative after his purchase of Twitter, said that the comedian was to blame for the explosion of the Tesla. “I always told Leno to slow down, but he would just make fun of me for wrecking my McLaren.” Musk blanked out for a moment and his eyes glazed over before he added, “I am considering having my own chin enhanced so that more people will find me hilarious. A large chin is also a sign of power.”
Rumors that Elon remotely detonated the Tesla as part of a plot to “steal Jay Leno’s chin and finally become funny,” circulated on the Reddit forum r/conspiracy, one of the few social media sites outside of Elon Musk’s control.
Internet Chronicle reporters, who are close personal friends of Leno through the tightly knit luxury car community, reached the comedian for comment. Leno told hatesec, “In spite of having my chin robbed right off my face, I still have faith in the electric car. They’re the future. They’re fast, quiet, good for the environment. But all the malware that comes installed in these Teslas? No thanks.”