New “One Ring” Operating System terrifies audiences
[pullquote]One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.[/pullquote]INTERNET — Do you hear the sound of your mind being submerged in its unconscious? The psychic pulsing green beams of Google, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube (It’s your main man, Daym) are converging in a single beam that will finally blast Alderaan to pieces.
The challenge for operating system designers has been to merge all of these most popular services into one slick interface which is even more passive than a television.
The Anonymous Creator of The One Ring rose to this challenge, creating the first distributed cloud computed crypto-network to rule them all. The One Ring will be controlled by a secret algorithm which will zero in on and overdetermine your unconscious mind in a way that will not only allow you to buy the products most suited to you, but also challenge your perceptions about the Arabs in subtle ways.
Users of The One Ring report missing work and being unable to disconnect from endless feeds of Lolcats, Trollfaces (RIP cololo), and Miley’s new Sex Tape which recently aired on Cinemax.
Users of Diaspora have been the only people to resist use of The One Ring, and exist in a “Zion from Matrix” style world where they have not yet been sucked into the “False Reality” created by The One Ring.
When Diaspora came along, no one at the time could have predicted it would be the Litecoin of social networks. Now, the transmutation of popular opinion into popular action has usurped the need for contemplation, hesitation and even inaction, against all warnings of the great philosopher Sun Tzu.
Modified Memes inside The One Ring’s “+1” death spiral reportedly “enhance” themselves by adding political or religious symbols and other permutations in a “Naturally selected” ecosystem which enhances the addictive quality of The One Ring over previous data algorithm manipulations, like Facebook.
The “False” “”Reality”” theory of the One Ring Cloud Solution enables micropurchases at a baffling volume and scale. A shred of desire instantly manifests itself as the object in question, and no one is hungry. None thirsty. Conversely, no one is anything, once they become a part of The One Ring™ Cloud.