INTERNET — Fans and investors mourn the loss of Elon Musk, found dead in his Austin home following a massive crypto crash Sunday morning.
Musk, the CEO and founder of SpaceX and Tesla made headlines earlier this year after investing billions of dollars into bitcoin.
Musk is survived by his wife Grimes and his son X Æ A-12. Coroners reported he hung himself from the balcony of his mansion using a USB-C cable, still connected to an external hard drive filled with billions of now worthless cryptocoins.
Mary L. Hubbard, President and CEO of the Elon Musk Fan Club was completely devastated, telling reporters between fits of uncontrollable sobbing, “Now we’re never going to Mars. We’re never going to get off fossil fuels. Without Elon the whole world is doomed.”
However, Harvard Economist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said of the crash, “No one who lived through the dotcom boom should be surprised that this happened. Tech comes and goes at a very fast pace these days and as far as the crypto stuff goes, it’s really all speculation. The only people who would use such a convoluted method of transaction are doing it because they have already invested so much into it. For the common person there are only disadvantages to using bitcoin.”
4 replies on “Elon Musk dead at 49: Tragic suicide follows crypto crash”
And Jesus wept.
virtuousLy non-woke bro, js