Categories
Status Quo Technology

One World Trade Secretly a Space Ship

INTERNET—Sources say One World Trade is in fact a secret space ark built to shelter the super-rich through the oncoming mega-geodegradation from climate change and crust resettlement. Rocketry expert Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador told reporters: “This planet is fucked. Nothing we can do but quietly pack things up for orbit and send our boys off to […]

Categories
Entertainment

Amanda Bynes accuses father of Incest, promises restraining order

INTERNET—Former Nickelodeon child actress Amanda Bynes came back to Twitter Friday, giving fans more of the floundering former child star peep show than they bargained for. Bynes told the masses: “My dad was verbally and physically abuse to me as a child . . . He called me ugly as a child and then asked […]

Categories
Uncontrollable Patriotism

ISIS t-shirts trigger investigation at Virginia School

INTERNET—More than 40 teens at Hidden Vale High in Roamoke Virginia were sent home Thursday for wearing offensive pro-ISIS t-shirts, which police traced through a local flea market back to ISIS. Principal George Glevins told reporters at an impromptu press conference, “These students were mostly wearing the t-shirts in irony and didn’t understand that they […]