Internet Chronicle

Bootstrap Party threatens to split Republican vote

Post author By Hatesec
Post date February 18, 2015
6 Comments on Bootstrap Party threatens to split Republican vote

The Bootstrap Party - 'Pull your damn self up!'

The Bootstrap Party – ‘Pull your damn self up!’

The party political experts are calling “farther right than the Tea Party” could split the Republican vote, ensuring a place in the oval office for Democratic Socialist candidate Hillary Clinton in 2016.

The all new Bootstrap Party, whose slogan reads Pull your damn self up! is sponsored by Hobby Lobby, Best Buy, Comcast and Google. Our new and wonderful masters promise to liberalize everything by the year 2020, at which point the United States will become a Libertine Utopia, fitted with corporate-furnished roads, schools, hospitals, housing and restaurants.

Party frontrunner Raleigh T. Sakers said his solution to government-funded infrastructure is to stop giving hand-outs to the hundreds of millions of people using the roads for free every day. Roads will no longer be funded, he said. Under the Sakers Doctrine, roads will be paved with golden virtues of freedom. Never forget.

“Let the road system take care of itself,” Sakers said. “No services. If people want to use the roads, let them deal directly with the power authorities themselves. It’s FASTER and it’s CHEAPER.”

Experts predict a run on bootstraps in pants-shitting anticipation of the rise of the American Bootstrap Party. Real patriots invest today!

Scandal erupted after Clinton herself was found donating to the party campaign.

Entertainment

Lebal Drocer announces plan to publish My Little Pony fanfiction. The eBook, Serfdom in Equestria, challenges the liberal agenda behind MLP.

CUTHBERT, Georgia – Lebal Drocer, Inc. spokesman Raleigh T. Sakers, who once said he has grown weary of “Obama’s Left,” plans to tackle the liberal agenda he says is hidden in children’s programming.

“It’s an ideology that is undermining not only the United States, but is dragging down the entire My Little Pony universe as well,” Sakers said. “There’s a belief in Equestria that friendship trumps everything. They are in for a rude awakening.”

The book’s author is known only as Seqina on Twitter, or Seqi, for short. Seqi is a self-described conservative American brony, and a brony is a person who self-identifies as an imaginary horse living among the main characters from the children’s hit TV show My Little Pony.

While there is still no news on what the book is actually about, Seqi said he hopes to enmesh the libertarian philosophy of Ayn Rand with Pinkie Pie’s messages of tolerance. Pinkie Pie – being a sexually charged reference to female genitalia – is one of the main ponies representing personal freedom in the series, and benefits from small de-centralized government.

More information can be found on Seqi’s OKCupid account below.

Tags mlp, my little pony

News

Self-proclaimed “Anonymous Queen,” Heather Marsh, steers #OpDeathEaters towards Fascism

Post author By Kilgoar
Post date February 16, 2015
4 Comments on Self-proclaimed “Anonymous Queen,” Heather Marsh, steers #OpDeathEaters towards Fascism

INTERNET — Heather Marsh declared herself “Anonymous Queen” Monday after riling up hundreds of thousands of Twitter users and sparking a harassment campaign against pedophiles, or “paedo-sadists,” as she has labeled them.

Originally aimed at undermining the credibility of governments everywhere by fabricating a myth of universal pedophilia in high offices, #OpDeathEaters’ pogroms against neighborhood pedophiles are just a distraction from Marsh’s fascistic rise to power.

#OpDeathEaters ultimately plans to round up all pedophiles into permanent special hospitals where we will never have to worry for the children again.

Former stealth Neo-Nazi “Anonymous Queen,” Jamie Jo Brinkman, acquired vast power much like Marsh: She maintained a clique of young journalists writing for her publication, Presstorm. Marsh’s publication, Wikileaks Central and Anonymous Central staffs several of the same writers as Jamie Jo Brinkman. Some analysts have suggested in earnest that Marsh began to act as a proxy for Jamie Jo Brinkman after Brinkman was run out of Anonymous.

Marsh and her staff authored an excessively long wikipedia page in Marsh’s honor, outlining every contour of her ideology and citing every article on the Internet that has ever mentioned her name. As it turns out, Marsh is a practitioner of stigmergy, a pseudoscientific form of witchcraft similar to her dubious field, “scientific journalism.”