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Vatican taking an ‘unhealthy interest’ in Anonymous ‘Operation Death Eaters’: Barrett Brown

catholics-team-up-with-anonymous-op-death-eater

catholics-team-up-with-anonymous-op-death-eaterVATICAN CITY – As Pope Francis (D-Italy) attempts to open new bureaucratic instruments to tackle rape and neoliberalism in the Vatican, Anonymous Spokesman Barrett Brown said the Catholic church is taking an “unhealthy interest in the sensitive search for internet pederasts” and that their unwanted attention could jeopardize the witch-hunt.

Brown, who currently operates from his mobile diesel prison cell across the barren Texas wasteland, likened the church’s assistance to “working with the enemy.” He said it reminds him of the crippling effects the US funded Al Qaeda had on the war on terror, before becaming ISIS.

“We are working around the clock to catch Catholic priests fucking little boys,” Brown said, “so when r0sary comes online, the investigation is effectively dead in the holy water.”

Many Catholic priests have entered underground /i/nvasion IRC channels and chan forums, offering to participate in the hunt for online predators and the illegal pornography they produce. Among them, r0sary is a well-known Catholic hacker whose expertise in child-fucking could unfortunately be very helpful to the group.

“I would never fuck a little boy,” Brown said. “But if I was the kind of person who did that sort of thing – and I’m not saying that I am – but if I was, I can imagine that fucking their raw, pink little anuses would give me some insight into how a pedophile operated, and make Anonymous better.”

So for now, Anonymous begrudgingly, but bravely, works alongside the rape warriors in the Catholic church. But for how long this unlikely alliance may last, ain’t no man can say. Attempts to dox r0sary have ended in pitiful failure, as users have noted he logs into efnet with a username and password, behind a service known as a ‘cloak.’ Brown said it is only a matter of time before they catch up to, and surpass, their partners in the internet’s first rapist-rapist-hunter alliance.

“Until then, we’ll just have to keep watching child pornography, learning from their habits,” r0sary said on IRC. “I am enhancing some close-up footage right now, with the hope of finding the offender’s reflection in his victim’s pleading, perfect eyes.”

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Anonymous denies #OpDeathEaters is Anonymous

Heather Marsh, leader of the New Anonymous, is reportedly "Not even lowercase anonymous"
Heather Marsh, leader of the New Anonymous, is reportedly “Not even lowercase anonymous”

INTERNET — Today a group identifying itself as Anonymous launched Operation Death Eaters, a vigilante law-enforcement operation which promises to independently prosecute and execute pedophiles in high office.

However, an official Anonymous press release revealed that because Operation Death Eaters is coordinated by Heather Marsh, who is not anonymous, this operation cannot truly be the work of Anonymous.

An Anonymous spokesperson in New York, using the alias “Hector Monsegur,” told reporters, “Heather Marsh is not even lowercase anonymous. She’s a leaderfag and a fascist with maniacal delusions of revolution and power. We’re going to show her the real Anonymous.”

The official press release stated that “[Marsh] is not Anonymous. [Marsh] is Helen Lovejoy,” referencing a well-known character in the Simpsons who has become a symbol of middle-class mob mentality, often crying, “think of the children!” It also stated, “. . . we are launching an open source investigation public inquiry into her personal life.”

Political analyst and expert Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said, “The great power that has been achieved by Heather Marsh by appropriating the Anonymous brand could ruin the careers of any politician she may want to point her finger at, and what’s worse, it definitely does not jive with the Anonymous brand. I think, although this is just speculation, that there is a political agenda, perhaps even a political party backing her and the operation which will ruin whatever politicians stand in its way just by a mere accusation.”

Professor at MacGill University and eminent Anonymous expert Bella Coleman said, “The prankish lulz that either motivate Anonymous operations or are injected into the more serious operations just are nowhere to be seen in Operation Death Eaters. Many of the hardcore Anons will agree that this means it’s no longer the true Anonymous, but I see it as Anonymous changing. No one gets to define what is or isn’t the ‘True’ Anonymous.”

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Snowden blames Chemtrails for Mongolian Desertification

NSA leaker Edward Snowden unveils "Desert Planet" endgame for US chemtrailing operations: Only Monsanto approved life will survive.
NSA leaker Edward Snowden unveils “Desert Planet” endgame for US chemtrailing operations: Only Monsanto approved life will survive.

INTERNET — Edward Snowden spoke out after reports of rapid desertification in Mongolia have shocked millions, saying, “The desertification in Mongolia is an intentional effect created by the DARPA weather modification program that aims to turn the planet into an inhospitable wasteland while preserving perfect conditions for Monsanto products in America.”

Four Herders in lower Mongolia were jailed for protesting the Chinese government policy that outlawed grazing in areas threatened with desertification. Protesters say the government’s mining and forestry operations in their former nomadic homelands are to blame for the desertification, not the grazing.

Edward Snowden said, “While I stand with these nomads and want to protect their way of life, they should be blaming the US government. Their end game is to turn everything but Monsanto’s farms into a lifeless wasteland, because National Security has become more important to them than basic humanity.”