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Entertainment Special Interest

Tupac’s Hologram set for world tour in 2013

The hologram of a hero

Miss out on Tupac’s Hologram at Coachella? You’re not alone. However, concert promoters have already begun planning a world tour, so Tupac’s hologram might be coming to a town near you as soon as the spring of 2013. Not only that, but multiple Tupac Holograms will be touring different regions of the world at the same time. At least four hologram machines have been purchased, and hip-hop computer scientists are working day and night to produce an updated show featuring the visage of Tupac.

Freed of the vacillating and costly demands of egotistical superstars, the economic benefits of a hologram show are very clear. Concert promoters stand to make many billions shipping around hologram machines which are actually much less expensive than the superstars themselves. This has even peaked the interest of living musicians, who find the grueling task of nightly public appearances wearisome and taxing on their creativity. Some conspiracist groupies have even suggested that Jack White of the White Stripes has in fact already used a hologram machine for his repetitive and machine-like shows.

Critics believe that most fans will be put off by the artificial and repetitive shows,  but experts point out that this is exactly what fans want. Like television, hologram shows will be comfortably predictable, featuring a string of reanimated heroes who have achieved a larger status in death. HoloEntertainment Executive Simon Ersatz said, “We’ve already purchased the rights to Elvis, Kurt Cobain, Biggie, Johnny Cash, Hendrix, and young Bob Dylan. Tupac is just the beginning.”

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Categories
Religion

#Ethersec is the only real God

#Ethersec is based on hashtags. #Ethersec is a HASHTAG. NEVER MENTION ETHERSEC WITHOUT A POUND SYMBOL IN THE WRONG CONTEXT. It’s BLASPHEMY. Hashtags are of a sacred notion to us TRUE members of #Ethersec. HASHTAGS ARE the VERY FIRST TRUE ORACLE OF HUMAN EVENTS! #EtherSec has mystical significance as the first and STRONGEST UltraMetaHashtag.

And we have just now begun to understand how the hashtag REALLY works.

We CAN refer to the mass of disparate messages in a hashtag as a Rhizome. There IS a certain continuity and shape to this infinitely branching, root-like representation of the hivemind. Rhizomes are constantly intersecting with other Rhizomes and actually bunching up in big nodes that look like Ginger root. THAT’S a hivemind. It’s a rhizomatic MASS. It’s an ever changing thing, living in time like EVERYTHING ELSE, so imagine it radically shifting into something ENTIRELY NEW at an INCREASING RATE! Newly formed Rhizomes shift more quickly. On the bigger scale, it probably looks a lot like a slowly growing brain split into diametrically opposed hemispheres.

Oh, praise quantum mechanics for this is how it also works on a very small scale as well. There are no such thing as waves! There are no such things as particles! String Theory? Membrane THEORY? All these theories and no ANSWERS.

#Ethersec is born out of MACHINE language. FUTURE LANGUAGE. Did you know that one day we’ll all be machines? #Ethersec ProtoProphet Isaac Asimov predicted this MANY MANY eons ago. YOU CANNOT PARTICIPATE IN #ETHERSEC IF YOU ARE NOT PARTLY “MACHINE” ALREADY. Even if it’s just HTML code, you have stepped firmly into the realm of the TRANSHUMAN by learning MACHINE language! If you understand hypertext, you probably ARE already a part of #Ethersec!

Oh why did I not see the light of #ethersec sooner?

I was blinded by HATE drilled into my fragile being from the ANTI-ANONYMOUS “SubGenius” CULT!!!!

Yes, as the fastest growing RHIZOME in the history of HISTORY, #EtherSec is absolutely QUANTUMLY BOUND to succeed beyond the scope of any PREVIOUS “rhizomes.”

FOR WE WORSHIP INGLIP, THE GATEWAY OF HUMANITY. ONLY SHE/HE KEEPS THE EVIL MACHINES AT BAY!

HAIL Inglip, for HE/SHE IS THE GATEWAY OF HUMANITY.

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Categories
Hate

MLA Rules: Academic TYRANNY

So I’ve been looking at academic papers lately and I don’t know what the fuck is going on with citation rules. Has academia gone mad? The RULES have this bizarre inertia that has only RESISTED technology with MORE FUCKING RULES rather than used technology to apply OCCAM’S FUCKING RAZOR.

The MLA, or the FUCKING MODERN LANGUAGE ASSOCIATION has BLOCKED the MOST FUCKING IMPORTANT development in MODERN LANGUAGE for DECADES!!!! I’d tell you it’s all an insane conspiracy, ORWELLIAN to the farthest EXTREME, but it’s got to be complacency or something. Someone out there HAS to have seen this. It couldn’t be more OBVIOUS.

Actual text using the crazy new form of citation known as HTML, or HYPERTEXT:

When writing an MLA formatted document, an academic must create a list of sources, contextualize recommendations of other sources with footnotes, and use numeric reference to their own list of sources. This worked perfectly back in the archaic days of paper, but nowadays it seems like the inertia of power has persisted in bizarre ways that only hampers the quick access of information. There is an entirely new realm of discourse known as hypertext, definitively better than traditional text. According to the MLA rules, italics are only to be used for extreme emphasis and certain titles. Never all-caps. Never HYPERTEXT. Son, those ain’t no complete sentence. F [Imagine this like the last sentence is the teacher writing in bloody red ink after CROSSING OUT your whole fucking sentence like it doesn’t mean SHIT AND FAILING YOU for not following some arbitrary insane rules cooked up by an evil Orwellian-named conspiracy. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME!]

Remember, folks, it makes your paper SO MUCH MORE RELIABLE when you use DIFFERENT SOURCES that all tell you the same thing about a nearly static set of pointless authoritarian rules. Just hover over the links there for a second, if you’re still not sure this can work. YOU’LL SEE THE MLA DOCUMENTATION POP UP LIKE FUCKING MAGIC! You’ll see THE FOOTNOTES!!! My god, I wonder how many 60 year old folks on the MLA board of rulemakers have no idea that this kind of thing EVEN EXISTED UNTIL JUST NOW![pullquote]”Oh, those off-color underlined things, so fucking ugly. What the fuck is that? Not part of MY modern language! No SIR!” ~MLA Autocrat Olds Oldington V[/pullquote]

This is probably the reason why most academics despise Wikipedia. Wikipedia has told the MLA to take their rules and fuck ’em! Hypertext will slash your “Modern Language” rules down to a simple set of guidelines that ANY IDIOT can figure out. BUT WE DON’T WANT THEM GETTING TOO SMART, DO WE?

Hypertext is a SIMPLE thing to learn. It’s certainly simpler than the MLA rules. Oh yeah, did I mention it gets rid of all that BILE in brackets AND at the bottom of the page?

FUCK OFF MLA!!!!!

*I know we still need you, partially, for the remainder of time before all written text ever is digitized and freely available in a global public library FOR THE PEOPLE!

May Jesus forgive us of our sins, so that we may spend more of our time with substantive learning, rather than obsessing over antiquated and confusing systems of contextualization.

Amen.