A good friend tells you when you’re fuckin up, a bad friend ignores it, and your ENEMY tells everyone else.
Have you ever tried telling somebody something, though, and they just can’t seem to get it through their thick skull?
That’s why we’ve invented Dr. Troubadour’s patented Armstrong Self-Awareness Serum. It grows real, natural self-awareness in 31 days!
Our customers will attest that Dr. Troubadour’s formula-grown self-awareness is the same as real self-awareness.
Ralph Manly, City bus driver who has never used a turn signal
“No more blind spots! I’m in the clear now, and I can finally see what a cold, blind, and unloving man I have been for the last 43 years. I can’t believe it’s not real self-awareness!”
That’s right, folks. No more blind spots, no more snickering behind your back, and no more emotional retardation, all for a flat, low monthly rate. Troubadour’s Self-Awareness Serum is with you for LIFE!
Monica Seward, Librarian with strangely ignorant beliefs
“I’m hooked on awareness. I no longer feel like I need to scan every horizon, because I already know what’s there: Just a bunch of people using people, and who needs that? So long TerrorMax. Hello, S-A Serum!”
Are you sick of always being left on the outside of what’s going on inside? This Troubadour tincture will tickle your fancy! For just $99 American Warbucks a month, you can drink this shit up and see what shit’s holding you down.
Bimmy, a 28-year-old woman-child having absolutely no problem adjusting to her shattered innocence
“I used to blame my lack of development on society, circumstance, and even my family. With Troubadour’s self-awareness serum, now I know the reason I never achieved anything is because I am a talent-less, unmotivated, uninspired, boring person. Thanks, Dr. Troubadour!”
Hi, I’m Dr. Troubadour. Folks used to tell me I would not amount to anything. If I’d listened to them, they’d be right. But I struck out and carved my own path. Licenses? Peer-review? I bucked the system, and became a doctor my own way. My eyes are open.
You got a lot of nerve walking through life and not even thinking about where you’re stepping. Take my drugs. Grow a perspective!