Why Chronicle.SU is completely irrelevant

In the wake of cablegate, one pathetic excuse of a blog decided to go to war on Anonymous. This blog is known as Chronicle.SU, and its writer(s) are insanely delusional egomaniacs who think they make a difference. There is almost no comedic value to this “satire” blog, which is dedicated to spinning every event in cyber war as a victory for the enemies of Anonymous.

This all began when a writer for Chronicle.SU was banned from the AnonOps #AnonNews channel for complaining about the threatening public relations of Anonymous. In response to this ban, the writer attacked AnonNews with criticism of their advertisement sales. This was met with massive derision from Anonymous, and the author claimed it was an epic act of “trolling”. We all knew he was just butthurt, so we left hundreds of hateful comments and veiled threats on Chronicle.SU to prove it, as their traffic spiked into the tens of thousands. We decided not to follow through with our threats because it would have just given the troll more attention.

This butthurt failtroll then released “dox” of himself in a desperate plea for more attention, after the initial wave of Anon hatred wore off. These dox included a gay e-mail to a gay ex-girlfriend, replete with the deepest levels of faggotry ever seen on the internet. It was posted on AnonNews hundreds of times, but the shameless Chronicle.SU continued its campaign of spamming anti-anonymous propaganda. The quality and style of writing were barely above Anonspeak. Anonymous now had its very own Rush Limbaugh, combining entertainment and propaganda in a single mind-warping RSS feed full of paranoid conspiracy theories laced with impossibly vast quantities of narcissism.

As a final act of complete desperation, the writer(s) at Chronicle.SU began a fearmongering campaign to scare Anons away from both AnonNews and AnonOps. Citing the privacy gap of Google’s reCAPTCHA service – as implemented by AnonNews – Chronicle.SU successfully scared away many negative commenters who were critical of their “satire”. Chronicle.SU broke a story accusing Barrett Brown of leading activists into the “FBI infested” AnonOps chat rooms. Brown retaliated by calling the writer at Chronicle.SU a faggot and subsequently quit Anonymous to continue his own project elsewhere.

Despite the “dox,” it is still not clear exactly who is behind Chronicle.SU. Some have alleged that they are a collective of unknown individuals who write only when they feel Anonymous has overstepped its bounds. Others believe they are a psy-ops campaign run by the CIA or the KGB. However, the “subversive” Chronicle.SU is not important at all, and has had no effect on Anonymous whatsoever. The most likely scenario is that Chronicle.SU is one angry butthurt faggot who got banned from AnonOps and is a virgin because he has no girlfriend. Also, he has no idea how to hack. Hence, Chronicle.SU is completely irrelevant.

Boycott Student Loans

Found yourself struggling to find work after college? Paying off loans while living at home, and unable to afford your own life?


The SWAT team will come to your house and kick down the door, and then choke-slam your ex into their police car and lock the door for a few hours.

You are being extorted

Education doesn’t cost this much. The secret police cannot extort us all at once.

Don’t Pay

You will be able to move on with your life, even as you are forced into underemployment. It is your right to be free from indentured servitude. Sadly, this has become what education is all about.

You are not a slave to your education


Anonymous completely infiltrated by FBI and Secret Service, Iran promises Cyber War, and the LulzBoat sails on

Rather than making mass arrests that would force hackers into hiding, the FBI and Secret Service have been quietly knocking on doors and making threats. Eric Corley of 2600: Hacker Quarterly claims 25% of all hackers in the US are working as informants for the FBI. Mass hacker arrests will surely come sooner than later. 2600’s IRC servers have recently been DDoSed by LulzSec over a Twitter spat with Martijn Godlang, a hacker who bungled a LOIC DDoS attack by accidentally targeting a Dutch Government web server.

The revelation of such pervasive infiltration has not been fully digested by what remains of Anonymous. AnonNews is currently down because of unexplained DNS issues, but is still accessible at http://anonnews.yup.name. Barrett Brown commented for us just days before he left his position as the spokesperson for Anonymous, “They  have the right to decide if they want to get involved with Anonymous, knowing full well that the FBI is looking into us.”

Today, Persian state servers were taken over by Anonymous. A message from the Persian military threatened offensive action in retaliation. “The instruments required for the presence in cyber space are being prepared by the Defense Industries of the Islamic Republic of Iran,” said Brigadier General Ahmad-Reza Pourdastan. It appears that the Persian Military believes Anonymous is only a proxy for the United States government.

LulzSec recently accessed Infragard’s user database. Infragard is an information sharing service for the FBI and private security companies. Members of LulzSec attempted to extort information and money from the CEO of Unveillance, Karim Hijazi, leveraging embarrassing data from Infragard. According to LulzSec, Hijazi used the same password for Infragard as he did for Unveillance. The “extortion” was only intended to troll Hijazi into revealing his willingness to comply with threats.

LIGATT Security’s Gregory Evans claims to have the dox on LulzSec, which he will publish sometime in the near future. Evans cites the attack on the FBI as his primary motivation in doxing LulzSec.


LulzSec emulates the CIA but is not affiliated

In order to ensure maximum Lulz, LulzSec has manufactured a misinformation campaign using “dox” on pastebin to expose that they are working with the CIA and famed Bradley Manning snitch, Adrian Lamo. This “CIA project” is purportedly intended to tip the balance of public opinion against hackers. While this is possible, the outrageous public fear of hacking makes this unlikely. Such a ridiculous conspiracy may head off any future suspicion of LulzSec’s questionable motivations. The conspiracy is most likely concocted.

LulzSec has actually adopted the tactics of the CIA. The CIA has been known to pay off the Alex Jones radio show for spreading laughable conspiracies which disarm public suspicion in regards to the failures of FEMA after hurricane Katrina. The lovable LulzSec has, in fact, achieved massive success in emulating the CIA, rather than working with them. In this light, the pastebin “dox” are one of the best trollolols the intertits has ever seen.

After the Sony Fiasco led to a drop in support for Anonymous, LulzSec was likely invented to take credit for the hack ex post facto.

LulzSec appears to be related to the Ryan Cleary incident, which has already been forgotten. Ryan Cleary is a dissident hacker who attacked AnonOps and was subsequently “doxed”. Some accuse Cleary of hacking Sony. However, Cleary is not facing any criminal charges and there is no evidence that he exists. AnonOps hackers may have engineered a false flag attack against their own servers under the name of Ryan Cleary, in hopes that the Sony hack would be credited to him. LulzSec is simply the logical conclusion to this chain of events – a hacker group that breaks all the non-existent unwritten rules of Anonymous in order to regain traction after the failure of #OpSony.



There's no dancing at the Jefferson Memorial

The front line for highly suppressed dancing urges is now the Jefferson Memorial. While Jefferson can do nothing but preside over events silently, the US government has armed hundreds of Nazis to guard the monument with machine guns. This major effort is intended to forever prevent dancing and increase the decorum of our national monuments.

The anti-civilian military guard on such a memorial to freedom appears to be a desperate attempt to make the statue of Jefferson begin to cry blood. Of course, Fox News is ready to spin the tears of blood to represent Jefferson’s disdain for dancing, and sadness that such events are being created by Liberty thieves.

The fact of the matter is that the Great Collective just wants to dance. Unless the machine gunners stand guard every single day, the Great Collective will get what it wants.

Jefferson Memorial is only accessible by a long walk, and this may prevent maximum dancing. The author of this article would like to suggest the area in front of the Capitol building for dancing. He has found that banjo playing is grudgingly tolerated by police.

The Meta-Troll

A rudimentary meta-troll from 4chan containing a list of exploits.

The meta troll fails when the meta troll succeeds. The meta troll succeeds when the meta troll fails. The meta troll can never succeed and never fail.
A meta troll turns others into trolls by trolling. Trollin’ is cool. Meta trolls be trollin’, turning millions of other people into trolls.

Meta troll goes like this:

  • Trolls a pit of trolls
  • Troll reveals trolling exploit through troll
  • Trolls will troll each other until trolling no longer is trollin’

The meta troll can destabilize a community with the proper vectors if they are trollin’. When you troll the troll, but do not lead the troll to also troll, you are not a meta troll. Anyone who disagrees is often times considered a troll, but this is not trollin’. A meta troll is always someone who disagrees. A meta troll will rewire the brain without the brain being conscious. Meta trolls may still have a conscience in some cases. They most often do not, and are paid high salaries by trolling organizations like Fox News.

The meta troll is invincible to trolling when the meta troll has reached trollightenment. The trollightened meta troll doesn’t write the best trolls. The trollightened meta troll knows that all the best trolls have already been written, and that more sneakiness is required. The great meta troll feels the world twisting around each troll. Successful trolls shift reality and then shatter it, once the victims have realized how hard they’ve been trolled.

So when troll trolls you into a trollin’ mess, you can always meta troll your way to trolligtenment and you’ve worked your way out of the troll. Troll hard, troll weak, troll like a shotgun, troll like a trooper, and one day you too may be trollin’. That’s trollin’, bro.

LulzSec, the lovable Anonymous Psy-Op

From the pit of despair that was AnonOps, a couple of new beasts have arisen. There seems to be little interest in continued DDoS attacks against just anyone. Apparently that part of Anonymous is in hibernation, waiting for the coming crack down on hackers. Barrett Brown’s Project PM – a combination of Wiki technology and the Guide to Pursuants – continues to reveal information from Aaron Barr’s emails. The most prominent post-AnonOps splinter is LulzSec. LulzSec is a group of hackers that break the unspoken rules of Anonymous for the lulz, and boy do they deliver.

Now close your eyes, and visualize the situation Anonymous faced after SonyGate. Someone, leaving the calling card of Anonymous, had accessed the personal information of tens of millions of people. Regardless of whoever was behind this attack, Anonymous stood to lose followers. Think of what a good troll would do in this situation. It doesn’t take a genius to see that LulzSec is the perfect solution.

After a round of attention-whoring on PBS, LulzSec hacked the fuck out of Sony and released the personal information of millions. Oh, the power of trolling when combined with hacking. It makes pussies all over the world go sopping wet, as lulz echo through the canyons. Dear LulzSec, are you the second coming, or the Anti-Christ?

Despite the pwnage of LulzSec, it is now the victim of the endless trolling cycle too. In a Twitter war against a tweeter who thought LulzSec was actually just working for Anonymous, LulzSec devolved to accusing this poor little twit of paying for the PBS hack. Of course, Fox News immediately attention whored this story and used it to prove that LulzSec is actually Anonymous. To many Fox News readers, LulzSec is now definitely Anonymous.

However, LulzSec purposefully breaks the unspoken rules of Anonymous. That is, they have attacked media and leaked the information of innocent people. This doesn’t solve the problem of Joe six pack’s hatred at Anonymous ruining his Call of Duty, but it does solve the glaring DDoS drop off in the wake of the Sony fiasco.

Anonymous has been cured of its lulz shortage, for the time being.


Lord Joplin of the United Kingdom and member of NATO parliament recently drafted a general report updating the organization on information security. While there were many truthful and honest arguments about war in cyberspace, it largely consisted of language aimed at destroying free speech. I have taken the time to sift out the most blatant lies from Lord Joplin.

“Despite its inherent advantages, this dependence on information technology has also made state and society much more vulnerable to attacks such as computer intrusions, scrambling software programs, undetected insiders within computer firewalls, or cyber terrorists. The Internet is inherently insecure as it was designed as a benign enterprise of information exchange, a decentralized patchwork of systems that ensures relative anonymity. It is ill-equipped to trace perpetrators or to prevent them from abusing the intrinsic openness of the cyber domain.”

Everything Lord Joplin says applies to the printing press and the copying machine. These are inventions that totalitarian states have always sought to control and destroy. Be honest, Lord Joplin, the world is ill-equipped to trace perpetrators of ideas because ideas are ephemeral.

As mentioned above, the Information Age has brought about an environment that has made the state and society more vulnerable to digital attacks. They are vulnerable because we no longer keep our files and data in a shelf, but in a virtual world accessible from any one of the world’s corners.

Oh, so someone like Daniel Elsberg can’t go into a shelf and copy all the data on a copying machine with the help of his children? This is a blatant lie, from a monarchist! Go crush a printing press, you’ll feel better!

“The Information Age and its transparent nature may, for example, prevent diplomats from conducting “business as usual” such as making off-the-record statements or engaging in frank discussions with their colleagues.”

Oh no, I can’t be honest anymore with this information age breathin’ down my neck! Fuck’s sake, are you tweeting what I just said? Better keep on lying, damned information age’s fault, not mine!

“Transparency cannot exist without control. The government, and especially its security agencies, must have the right to limit access to information in order to govern and to protect. This is based on the premise that states and corporations have the right to privacy as much as individuals do and that secrecy is required for efficient management of the state institutions and organizations.”

Firstly, transparency only exists without your control, and you are the worst liar ever. Corporations have a right to privacy. Fuck no they don’t. Privacy from their stockholders? Their customers? I think we need a bill of rights for corporations – a bill that takes away their rights. Corporations don’t have the right to suck my dick! They’ve got the right to sell me Coca Cola and past that they don’t have shit.

“…Transparency can be misused on several levels – by providing unprofessional or poor-quality interpretation of information or documents, by conducting superficial or biased analysis, by lack of experience on the topic or by pursuing a political agenda.”

Transparency can be misused, but people can just make up lies without transparency anyway. Last time I checked, the nightly news was more twisted than ever because of political agendas. Did you know that the political parties are paying off the news? Oh, that’s right, they’re corporations, they have the right. Why “misuse” transparency when you can just make shit up to get ratings and scare people? Transparency can be misused, but so can Plutonium. Which one’s going to hurt people, power[expletive]?

Cut us some slack, you twisted little power maniac. You’re a printing press smasher in the age of the Internet. What’re you going to do? Start ramming rockets down our chimneys like Gaddafi? You power mongering maniacs are all the same, in your pathetic little core. I would not even dignify you with a punch to the face or even a kick to the balls. Violence is what gets you off.