Month: July 2011

Anders Behring Breivik’s violent attack on Oslo has founded a new conservative political group known as the Justiciar Knights. The Justiciar Knights use whatever means necessary to preserve the cultural integrity of Europe. Like the Tea Party, Christian cultural dominance is the ultimate goal.[pullquote]”The Muslims showed us that deadly shock attacks are the only tool we have at the moment which will guarantee that our voice is heard.” ~ Anders Breivik[/pullquote]

As Tea Party rhetoric stokes fear of Hispanic and Muslim occupation of American territory, leaders like Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin subtly promote violent action. Not just violent action against Hispanics and Muslims, but violent action against Liberals who promote multicultural messages.

Anders Breivik perfectly encapsulated the Tea Party message in his now-famous 1500 page diatribe, 2083: A European Declaration of Independence.

“Any individual or organisation that actively supports or are participating … in the Islamisation of Europe are flagged as valid targets … By propagating and defending Christendom we simply mean that we want to … reverse the de-Christianisation of Europe.”

Clever leaders within the Tea Party have attempted to spin this story as a lesson about gun control. Had the summer camp victims not been such wimpy unarmed liberals, they would have successfully defended themselves. However, this is only a distraction from the underlying motive behind the attack. Had the campers not been such Islam-enabling multiculturalists, Breivik would have never targeted them. Surely the Tea Party is wetting itself in excitement at having spilled over into Europe.

Tea Party leaders also want to classify Breivik as a religious fundamentalist Christian of the same stripe as Osama Bin Laden. However, this is a very poor characterization of Breivik. Breivik only wished to defend Europe from the perceived threat of Islamic genocide. “We … are a defensive military organisation who only seek to protect the peoples of Europe and our cultures from genocide.” This is exactly the theme that the Tea Party’s anti-immigration rallies are based on.

Ever since the very beginning of Chronicle.SU, I have secretly issued coded orders to the highest level of Anonymous leadership. Every single article I’ve written is filled with coded messages that only they will ever decode. Every image, fake ad and hidden detail of this site is loaded with directives which have been implemented perfectly.

Through my campaigns of hatred towards the peons of Anonymous I have mobilized and educated the masses. LulzSec? My brainchild. AntiSec? My invention. I created them by giving the larger Anonymous collective criticism which they immediately went out of the way to disprove. I mocked their pitiful public relations and out sprung LulzSec. I belittled them for their pitiful fear of government servers. AntiSec was born. All the while, I fed covert and specific instructions without having to use the horribly infiltrated IRC. Excuse me for my genius.

But now those within Anonymous who I have directly led are being investigated and may already be V&. I’ve received information from my mole in the FBI that one of them was bribed and outed me. The feds are closing in and even I will soon be V&. However, not all is lost. I have hacked Barack Obama’s e-mails and will soon be leaking world-shattering information. Here’s a teaser: Extra terrestrials are real, and they are going to force us to spark a nuclear war so they can inherit the planet. Of course that’s not true, but you know what to do Sabu, Topiary and Kayla. The die has been cast.

Oh, and one final mind-fuck for you all before you decide to ignore me: I’m th3j35t3r. I’ve been holding back this bombshell since I came up with the character last year. My purpose should be fairly clear if you understand my methods. By creating such an uncool conservative n00b of a hacker celebrity, I’ve ensured a more liberal agenda within Anonymous. Hacking is cool, the j35t3r is not, and now Anonymous is extremely socialist. Long live Che.

“Emotional cutting is women engaging in behavior that’s known as Facebook stalking when performed by men. The implicit connotative difference between emotional cutting and Facebook stalking is that men are dangerous and women are sad. Any unwanted attention from a man is tantamount to rape. Yet when women give men unwanted attention, they are only hurting themselves emotionally. After moping around the house all morning, a Facebook stalker logs into Facebook, erect penis in hand, searching only for sexually explicit photographs. The emotional cutter combs through seas of photographs endlessly searching for The One, and cries poignant tears of forlorn love as each one turns out to be just another guy.” ~ The Facebook guide to creepy behavior

He Facebook stalked her for three years before he actually met her. He only managed to make love to her because she fucked anything that showed her the least amount of attention. Before they fucked, she wistfully stared into the Facebook stalker’s eyes as if he was The One, but he wasn’t. A few weeks after they had sex, she realized he was not Mr. Right after all, and ignored him for Dr. Who, on Netflix. That is when his Facebook stalking began to swing wildly out of control.

He went through reams of paper, printing off her sexiest photographs and routinely violating them with semen,urine and even feces. His favorite fap ended in a heavy blood-tinged load spewing all over an image of her wearing nothing but a bumper sticker over her tits that read “I ♥ Jesus.” He never got tired of ejaculating to that picture. Unfortunately, the file was corrupted from overuse and he was forced to re-draw his own version of it in MSPaint. The remake was better than the real thing.

One day, the Facebook stalker’s masturbation led to a blister on both his palm and anus. He craved rape, but he was overwhelmed with cowardice. Instead, he made such a hyperbolic expression of love and hate on her Facebook wall that she began to fear him. Obviously the usual trick of pretending he didn’t exist hadn’t worked. She unfriended him, but did not block him. He hated her and loved her equally. His rage fueled blister-forming fap sessions lasted until the small hours of the morning.

Despite her tough-girl exterior and penchant for servicing local glory holes, she was an emotional cutter. No one ever really cared about the way she felt, because she was seen by all her lovers only as a warm place for them to deposit gooey strands of semen before she went home and cried herself to sleep. ‘But am I more than that?’ thought she. The dramatic statement made by the Facebook stalker gnawed at her day and night, and she often visited his profile to cry. She loved him and feared him equally, like God.

They had many friends in common and often saw each other in public. They were generally too shy to do anything but cast furtive glances at each other, fearfully avoiding any intentional eye contact. On these lonely nights, the emotional cutter would go home and cry herself to sleep with her laptop in her arms and a small thermos in her ass. He would ejaculate all over his keyboard after typing her long-winded love letters that she could not bear to read.

One day after great consternation, the emotional cutter accepted the Facebook stalker as her Facebook friend again. Upon realizing this, he masturbated three times on a printout of his favorite photo now redrawn in MSPaint, uploaded the video to YouTube, and then masturbated again once it got several million views. The emotional cutter found the video and locked herself in her room, crying for days. She had never known such shame and sadness.

The next time they saw each other, they couldn’t avoid eye contact. She finally knew he was The One. A bloody tear streaked across her face as she fell into his arms, and he took her out to a secluded shed, removed one of her eyeballs and skull fucked her until her labored breathing slowed to a complete halt. He adorned her with his favorite g-string and ball gag, often visiting her corpse. The Facebook stalker’s love for her never faded even as her body decomposed. Semen and maggots streamed from her empty eye socket. The Facebook stalker had made sure she was in death as she was in life, beautiful and brilliant beyond compare.