Chemtrail fleet sprays along path of Eclipse

A fleet of chemtrailing airliners followed Monday’s eclipse, spraying down tens of millions of Americans who congregated to view the eclipse.
After Trump’s campaign promised an end to chemtrailing of Americans, scientists record largest-ever operation.

Chemist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador and his team analyzed a photograph of the sun shining through the eclipse as it neared totality, declaring it to be the most dangerous, thickest spraying in any previously documented chemtrailing operation.

Lena Blenport of Clarksville, Tennessee stared and pointed at the sun as her neighbors gathered by their mailboxes. As the shadow of the moon fell on her world at peace, chemtrails threatened no godless scientific agenda. In a display of patriotism and Christian bravery facing down the fake news media and staring into God’s light, Mrs. Blenport viewed the sun’s beautiful rays and even saw the chemtrails that the liberals were trying to hide from her.

The entire neighborhood fell on their knees in prayer and lament at the sight, as Blenport cried to the heavens: “Oh God save us. This Eclipse is supposed to be your beautiful miracle, not our mass extermination. Is nothing sacred? Did Trump betray us, again?”

Is nothing Sacred?

That’s what leading chemtrail scientist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour asked during a Monday morning rooftop sermon on Mission Memorial Hospital in Richmond, Virginia.

“Don’t ascribe to innocent incompetence what amounts to a conspiracy against the people, to establish a new world order, and enslave the human race,” Troubadour said. “They know what they’re doing and they will not stop chemtrailing until we’re all eating pure GMO Monsanto foodpaste out of a despicable trough from 7eleven.”

Dr. Troubador’s spectrometer recorded ‘the thickest and most numerous chemtrails in all of history.’

Dr. Troubador’s analysis found an unusually high concentration of cellulose fibers which remain a mystery to the scientific community.

“Is it Monsanto’s pollen? Some kind of genetic warfare attacking small scale farmers?” Troubadour asked. “We see copyright-violating gardens bake off in the sun each year, turning to worthless garbage that contaminates the soil below with dangerous toxins, so only Monsanto foods can grow. They don’t want you making your own food!”

But he said economic warfare is only just the beginning. The side effects for human and animal life of all kinds have been likened to “population control” for decades by the chemtrailing community. Officials maintain the program is peaceful, and only used for local climate engineering.

Dr. Troubadour slammed his fist on the desk in front of reporters in anger and disgust.

“Each year, millions of children needlessly die or become autistic because of reckless and dangerous chemtrailing,” he said. “The lucky victims acquiring food-related diseases like Celiac’s and the less lucky just another statistic in the cancer epidemic. It’s no wonder at all that Trump wants to explode healthcare into a neoliberal nightmare. I viewed that eclipse in the totality zone and now I’m fucked. Maybe the population control theorists were right all along, looking at all of Trump’s fake promises. We were lied to.”

If you witnessed Monday’s eclipse, there is a good chance you were dosed with inordinately high concentrations of chemtrail vapor.

Dr. Troubadour says if you were in the path of totality, consult your family physician immediately, and do not tell anyone you are sick.

Body Thieves infiltrate online dating

The following story is perhaps impossible to believe — nobody knows this more than I — but I swear every word of what I relate is true. Were I to tell this story and associate it with my identity, I’d be ridiculed or put in a mental hospital. But I have to tell this story or my silence will drive me insane.

I met her on OkCupid, a free dating website. In retrospect, I think her profile was designed to attract me. I’d been really beefing up and lifting weights. I visited a forum on Reddit every day called The Red Pill, and I learned that women like men who are assholes. It made a lot of sense, back then, and it even worked.

The guys on The Red Pill never agreed on the topic of marriage. Some saw it as slavery, others saw it as settling down. I thought it was natural and acceptable step for the aging man, and a necessary kind of economic and reproductive evil. I figured any power a woman might have over me was totally evil, so I’d been fucking multiple women and ditching them if they even hinted at more. We called it “spinning plates” on The Red Pill.

But I loved her. At The Red Pill, men talked about finding the girl of their dreams, that “unicorn” that can’t really exist. Love was just a cocktail of chemicals pumped out by some gland, and even newbies knew better than to fall for that trick of evolution. But it happened slow enough that I didn’t notice it. Usually I’d pressed women for pictures or a meeting in real life almost as soon as I’d introduced myself, but she’d been far too interesting to forget about. The one picture she did share only showed her mouth, and it had been more than enough to convince me she was a perfect 10.

I know she must have done her research because she knew everything there was to know about me. She had seen all my favorite movies, read all my favorite books, and played all my favorite video games. It was a month before she showed me a picture of her face, and at that moment I realized I’d been in love with her for some time. I couldn’t think about The Red Pill or worry about what they’d think of me, and I stopped visiting the forum. I spent days lying in bed as fantasies of Scarlet — that was her name — played through my head on repeat.

I met her for the first time at the Smithsonian, and we walked through an exhibit on hominids and other human ancestors. She kept giggling, and I suppose it makes sense now, but she would not explain what was so funny. I was terribly upset that she may have found me somehow stupid or silly looking now that she’d met me.

After coffee, we went to her small apartment and laid in her bed. She stared into my eyes, and for a moment I knew I could never think of love as some bogus chemical cocktail that just gives women power. But as soon as I’d felt that, her eyes seemed to grow and grow until nothing was left of my world but the blackness of her pupils. It was as if the warmth of that love I’d felt so strongly had just inverted into an empty coldness. In the next moment I was looking through her tears, crying in involuntary pain as he raped me. He giggled, like he had in the Smithsonian, and strangled my neck as I struggled to escape. The words he growled I can hardly remember, but he told me he was immortal, that he liked owning my body, and that he hoped I enjoyed being a woman. He said these things because it got him off, and just before he choked me into unconsciousness I expected to wake up, sweaty from the nightmare. I woke up just a few minutes later, bruises on my neck, blood and spunk between my legs. The body thief was gone, off somewhere living my life.

I think Scarlet’s life is in many ways more fulfilling and happy than my previous life but for one thing: I look for the body thief’s face in every crowd, so I stay at home more than I should. I am sure I have seen him behind many eyes.

Niggas wanna stick me like fly paper.

Remember them niggas tryna put me down at the Macy’s department store? Shit niggas think a nigga be smokin cuz a nigga be jokin bout sum rolexes, when some white ass rosy colored nigga from texas come pokin his fuckin nose in my breakfast of pills, zanies and bars, fuckin racists when they used to perplex us.

Damn. Niggas wanna stick me for my paper. Damn. Niggas wanna stick me for my paper.

When I used to buy drugs from the Kroger, used to buy drugs from the happy white gentlemen and their videogames, and their blacklights and bong hits of weed with some name like white widow and kush, good god, those weren’t the days. Smoking pot in a driveway, in a car, in the dark, hotboxing to Notorious, Bone Thugz, drinking a high life, living like a low life, dreaming about the day one might finally start, as it came to an end.

I approached an apartment complex on the outskirts of Richmond, by the Sheetz, where a gang of thugs waited to sell myself and my black friends an ounce or two of weed. “The white boy can’t come in,” a gold plated mouth said to my friends as we entered the room, where guns were displayed on a table. The air reeked of medical-smelling opium. I was grateful for that. Peace, I thought.

Waiting in the car, I never could have imagined someone had made his nest in the backseat as I was being thrown out of a drug den. I never felt the tiny itch of his razor blade as it traced my throat, while an unseen hand rifled instinctively through my pockets.


Dear citizens of the world,

For far to long have we have been socially rejected. For far to long have we stood by and watched seemingly attractive people who aren’t awkward actually get the opportunity to talk to a girl. For far to long have we seen people get profiled based on wearing a piece of plastic on their face. It has been to long since something has happen that has changed the world. Getting laid and seeking employment is long overdue and I am here to introduce the start.

Many people have been protesting in the streets of New York, and they’ve gotten beat by police for being hippies, LOL. The only problem with the spreading is it wasn’t very well organized to begin with because we actually have no idea what we’re even protesting about. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea and think I am taking away from progress, because this is certainly true. I support the new “occupy” movements and will take part in my local occupy, and gladly get my ass kicked by cops, which will be streamed, and will be fucking hilarious.

What I am suggesting is something more or less on the lines of Global Protest Day except a bit more organized and planned. So here is what I am suggesting.

On the first Monday of April 2012, we shall march to every capitol to demand more money because work sucks, in your local governments, to your countries government, we shall avoid vaginas and social acceptance EVERYWHERE.

This shall be launched on a time schedule. Starting with the first timezone to hit 9 a.m. on that Monday morning and then working its way through every single timezone, except Africa.

Think about it. Every hour a new protest launches in another place and cops waste their time kicking some hippies ass when they could be home with their family or destroying their wife in bed. More people every hour and the cancer would spread globally. There would be no chance for a media blackout. And there would be no chance for oppression, because, we don’t have freedom to say what we want in America, although we do, we ignore that and say we don’t. This is the age of hacking, which we seriously have no idea what the fuck that even is. Legs spread faster than they ever have, and we still can’t get pussy. We can still do this.

This is not a final draft, because if it was I’d be pretty embarassed. This is something I want to spread and get feedback. I want this to work, because I don’t want to, I like handouts. I want the power of the virgins to be that. THE POWER OF THE VIRGINS. WE ARE HERE. WE ARE ANGRY. WE WILL NEVER BE SOCIALLY ACCEPTED. BUT NO MORE. AWAKEN, TIME TO TURN AMERICA INTO A 3RD WORLD COUNTRY.


Love always.

Witnesses: Mitt Romney Masturbates on Hotel Balcony

This photo allegedly shows a nude Mitt Romney engaged in public masturbation.

SPRINGFIELD, CONN. – At 9:00 a.m., passersby in a quiet Connecticut town say they expressed horror and shock at the sight on a hotel balcony of a masturbating middle-aged man,  a man whom they claim to have been been front-runner for the Republican Party presidential nod, Mitt Romney. The cellphone photos they took, which have since ignited a social media firestorm, appear to show the former Massachusetts governor expose himself, “masturbating for all to see.” The balcony height of downtown Springfield’s Marriott  exposed Mr. Romney’s public sex act, they say, to a crowd including children as young as five.

At time of press, there is a poverty of coverage from networks due to the explicit nature of the evidence, and the gravity of the consequences for the Romney campaign. Democratic strategist James Carville today compared the mainstream media’s silence up to this point to the gulf of time between the National Enquirer’s breaking of the John Edwards affair and its widespread entry into public discourse. “It’s just denial,” said Mr. Carville, a former senior campaign adviser to President Bill Clinton.

The Springfield District Attorney’s Office says the presumptive Republican nominee has not been charged with a crime. Mr. Romney reportedly fled the balcony immediately after he was spotted, and no solid video evidence has yet surfaced. However, one witness did capture a blurry photograph which shows the candidate before he turned to re-enter a room.

Analysts suggest this is the end to Romney’s campaign, and Newt Gingrich will likely take the place as front runner after Romney suspends his campaign. Representatives from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Mr. Romney’s religious denomination, released statements to the press saying they are “appalled by the bigotry” of commenters, whose “partisan desperation,” they say, has contributed to an animus to smear the candidate, 65. The release says the church is “dismayed” by crass insinuations “any morning ‘open-air’ masturbation ritual” is a “normal part of Mormon culture.”

lowercase anonymous hacks bart police and releases personal information

lowercase anonymous always wins riots

hey fuckers we’re back. we are the evil anonymous who allows anyone to use our name. that’s right, anyone can be lowercase anonymous.

today, we hacked bart police and released their info because we don’t give a fuck. uppercase anonymous has denied they had anything to do with the hack, and they are right. it was all lowercase anonymous.

these fascists at uppercase anonymous think they can tell us what’s what, and pretend like lowercase anonymous doesn’t exist. if it wasn’t hacked by sabu, it wasn’t uppercase anonymous. if the protesters aren’t wearing guy fawkes masks, it’s not uppercase anonymous.

lowercase anons wear bandanas instead of that dumb shit from v  for vendetta.

lowercase anons hack anything they feel like and don’t deny it after a few media outlets say its bad.

we know the command came from sabu, he said “hey, guys, i didn’t have anything to do with hacking bart, so it wasn’t uppercase anonymous.” well who the hell was it, sabu? you know who. lowercase anonymous. ujelly? umad that you aren’t the only hacker who can use the name anonymous? no one knows the difference between lowercase and uppercase anonymous, and no one ever will. that’s because lowercase anon is the ultimate anon, and it cannot be destroyed.

u called the san francisco bart protest a riots and lowercase anonymous didn’t give a fuck. fuck it, we were rioting. we were the ones kicking down gates and not giving a fuck. we were the ones blocking traffic. we are lowercase anonymous and we’re always better than uppercase.

lowercase anons do not deny

lowercase anons do not care

lowercase anons expect stuff SUCKS and is gay

Local teen Lee Dominic has hated chronicle.SU since the very beginning

The Chronicle website is stupid and wrong about everything. Why do people read this shit? It is the lamest ever.

Here, the “satire” around anonymous has grown increasingly satirical in nature, which is not funny.

And the ads are just pointless, they don’t even make any money! An advertisement for Grady Warren? That guy will never win! And what’s with all the joking? These are serious topics, people.

I am NOT butthurt, because I was one of the FIRST to hate the website. Chronicle.SU is fail and AIDS. anons who just showed up out of nowhere and started hating the chornicel are a bunch of summerfags

I don’t think abortion is funny anymore and I especially don’t think Pseudonymus’ article about God was factually accurate. It might even be illegal. Low blow assholes, God is dead and He can’t be here to defend himself anymore from slander.

I hope this site gets DDoS by Ryan Queery and Assoc.

welcum 2 lowercase anonymous

ur not allowed in lowercase anonymous, homophobe

lowercase anonymous is the new anonymous. it’s the old anonymous. it’s what anonymous should never be. it’s exactly what anonymous could be.

uppercase anonymous framed lowercase anonymous by using ddos as a cover to get away with sophisticated attacks. lowercase anonymous is just a socially engineered group of skiddies given teh power of ddos, which is dressed up like a video game in loic. then they feed youz propaganda and you fire teh cann0ns so they can make more intrusive attacks under your cover. uppercase does not care to protect your privacy and censor anyone who wants to complain.

uppercase is for people who just say ‘fag’ or ‘nigger’ and think it makes them win an argument. this is a sign of stupidity and narcissism.

lowercase anonymous people have facebooks and twitters because they have friends. uppercase anonymous is forced to use cracked warez photoshop in linux, which is admittedly retarded. lowercase anonymous loves lolcatz. uppercase anonymous luvz barrett brown’z bobcat.

so whats up, uppercase anonymous? hows anonops, ur little fed hole? don’t do any hacking now that ur on anonops fbi watch list, lolz. i hope all youz guyz are in there doing legal hax0ring just lyke barrett brown said!

we r lowercase anonymous







A homophobic Barrett Brown defends the FBI, and bans me from “Anonymous” with a capital A.
For Asshole:


anonops, as reported by the via, is teeming with internet cops the likes of which Blade Runner never saw.

anonops is a god damn trap.

Do not go near anonops, because the son-of-a-bitching federalis are there, waiting to trap hapless script kiddies, or even a curious visitor.

They want your IPs, which IRC compromises, as well as port vulnerabilities, whatever they can get their hands on, through any orifice they must. Oops! GOT THE TROJAN.FBI IN MY SHIT NOW I’LL NEVER FEEL CLEAN.

ANONOPS is where good intentions go to die. “Come get us,” you sniveling, wormy parasites say, “We’re just here to do right, bro. chill out. just let it happen.”



All because of ANONOPS!! Do NOT go there. It is a fucking FBI trap like you don’t understand. Those people are turning you in by the thousands.

The fear machine follows you as closely as you carry it, and you’re bringin’ it on home, anonybabies. This is me trying to save you.

Barrett Brown has led you directly into an anti-activism honeypot from which the only escape is critical thought itself. Sweet, precious critical thought.

Should you choose to continue deeper into

The nightmare police who wait for you there want to come into your home, anonymous wants to rape your wife and they will, together, pillage your essence. They want anything and everything they can get their hands on. They want you, so serve yourself up on a silver platter at join the most populated channel. Congratulations! You’re now suspect and subject to the PATRIOT ACT.

This message brought to you by Lebal Drocer, Inc.
We own everything that matters.

You have been hacked by Anonymous


Your Google Analytics data-mining has gone too far.

We are Anonymous.

We do not forgive.

We do not forget.

Expect us.