Barrett Brown speaks at Dr. Troubador’s memorial ceremony

Giving a dedication speech at a ceremony dedicated to Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador’s future grave and unveiling a fantastic bronze statue in his own likeness and honor, Barrett Brown smiled for local news cameras. His speech was eloquent and mesmerizing, awing all the people present, “We analyzed the entire situation of the world from within the most classified backchannels at the very core of the Pursuance Project’s alpha test. I beg to differ with Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, who has been stalking me online! You’ve got to understand, the American Dream is a series of these classic, 18th century liberal self-destroying enterprises, from Raleigh Theodore Sakers Company to Myspace and on now the unimaginable cyber shores beyond the depravity of Crash and the mind-programming Silicon Valley lifestyle-franchising mafiosos seizing power with weaponized teen pussy in Snowcrash, Mason & Dixon, multiverse computer games, and Jesus Christ himself reborn once again as Advanced Human, former Voice of Anonymous, and only man with the cell phone that can text God himself, Christopher “The Voice” Nemelka. Whereupon you find yourself at the mercy of a pussy grabbing game show host who’s been barking fake news about Obama’s Nigerian Daddy for years and now he’s telling you, ‘you’re fired.’ That’s the American Dream.”

“Wow that made profound sense and had something to do with the world of politics and it increases my value to read all those inside jokes. As an erudite and attentive reader of incredible literature this is what I enjoy most. But that couldn’t have been Barrett Brown,” Dr. Troubador tugged at his beard once, and stroked it harder and harder as he came to a logical conclusion. “Firstly, he loves classic liberalism. To him it is the same thing as anarchism in that they’re both an extreme form of naturalism, both the same as his original Randian objectivism. This is very well documented. And besides, he would have said something about Pursuance Software Systems.”

“Pursuance Software Systems? What’s that?” Randy said as he walked in. “Yun’s havin’ a pot party?”

“I’m fuckin’ glad you asked,” yelped Barrett. “You motherfuckers just log on to purusanceproject.com and type in all your social media site passwords and then you’ll automatically tweet and faceboook me and my friends posts. When you post dank shit of your own that follows the idea of destroying governments everywhere you’re issued points that will allow you back into the chatrooms ultimately of elite people like myself who will task you further with more intense retweeting, comment writing, and other posting schemes that may even land you in control of more power in the future anti-government. It’s a whole universe going to emerge out of this incredible new web site. It’s Anonymous 2.0! It’s a superorganism.”

“Superorgasm?” Randy scratched his head. “That don’t make no sense but I guess I like the idea of it.”

Dr. Troubador laughed in the face of Barrett Brown, pulling out a butterfly knife and whipping it in the air around his face to show he didn’t give a fuck. Slashing open that flat, mechanical Roy Batty face, Dr. Troubador revealed Brown was in fact a robot body in which Ayn Rand implanted her preserved brain. However, with a quick Kaspersky analysis he determined that the Pursuance Network and by extension the control of Brown’s robot body had already been compromised by dank hackers associated with Chronicle.su as early 90’s era style credits rolled and generic tv jazz dissolved the dramas of our day.

“Wait a sec.” Dr. Troubador asked Barrett Brown. “If Ayn Rand is just powerlessly trapped inside your body and not in control of it, who is?”

“Oh, I’m simply an AI program that the Board of Directors created specifically to torture Ayn Rand. She gets a parallel feed of all my senses and I retain total control. She can’t in any way communicate, not even with me, so just forget about that.”

“Terrible.” Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said. “How can I give you some bitcoins…”

Barrett Brown “resigned in protest” from The Intercept

barrett brown diesel therapy tour bit train
Barrett Brown hasn’t been writing much lately.

INTERNET — In an exclusive interview, Free Barrett Brown spokesman Kevin Gallagher told Internet Chronicle reporters Barrett Brown “resigned in protest” from Jeremy Scahill and Glenn Greenwald’s flagship publication The Intercept.

Brown’s row with The Intercept broke out over a story Motherboard later titled What is to be Done? and subtitled It is time to consider alternate systems of governance. 

Gallagher told Internet Chronicle that Brown’s editor at The Intercept found the story “problematic,” adding “[Brown] resigned in protest and joined VICE.” The article was likely rejected as a longwinded, self-congratulating mess that takes far too long to get to a sales pitch that hardly makes sense.

Before spending a half decade in prison, Barrett Brown was the most visible man to be associated with a string of computer hacks done under the icon of ‘Anonymous’. Brown’s word was often enough to shape media narratives, and as a rule he offended many hackers associated with Anonymous.

Newly free of all parole restraints on publishing, Brown has become only more silent on internet freedom, Anonymous, and the state of the world in general.  His only terse statement expressed no confidence in Anonymous as a force for good and mentioned a new thing called “Pursuants” which will replace them and eliminate the flaws that ruined their organization.

Brown is publishing less stories than when he was in prison and the latest row with The Intercept over his dirty old purusance jibberish has led Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador to conclude that his career as a writer is in trouble. “He’s writing a big ugly Mein Kampf style book and the editors cain’t control him. Things are breaking down. As a professional psychoanalyst I can tell you this right now, the pursuance fixation is just about power. That he’s shifted from a human form of persuasion to some mechanisms of computer code means he’s crossed into a psychotic territory and is very unpredictable. Possibly he will just remain in hiding, quarreling editors into dead shit or perhaps he will go full out on the Pursuantism until he’s put in prison again. Time will tell.”

Ayn Rand’s cyberacolyte has always been astray but now maybe he’s lost, too busy with Pursuants for this world. Even Brown’s spokesperson Gallagher tweeted, “… this Pursuance thing has been stewing for years and it’s now time for somethin new.”

“Palace Coup” As Deep State Generals Force Trump to WAR!

The deep state has seized millions in profits from Steve Bannon’s Fidget Spinners

Internet Chronicle White House correspondents follow Steve Bannon as he was fired from the White House. Flicking an Alex Jones fidget spinner, Bannon boards the first flight out of Dulles to meet with Jones at Bohemian Grove.

The two men share a hot tub at Bohemian Grove as the reporters stand to the side, writing on legal pads with golden ink pens. Their hasty notes, venn diagrams, and economic calculations outline a vast conspiracy of power, and they stand at attention, scrutinizing the hideous fat old men as if they are pinholes into radiant Truth itself.

General McMaster, the new most powerful man on earth strides by to gloat. “The NSA report showed what you were doing in the media was creating a lot of terror attacks by hyping ISIS. Your hands are bloody in Charlottesville, too. You wackos were in charge of the most powerful nation in all of history, and look what you did with it. I hope you take that to your grave.”

“Deep state imperialist!” shouts Jones, sobbing into Steve Bannon’s shoulder. “It’s not fair. We were the best vampires, and taken out by a palace coup.” Bannon strokes  Jones’ head. No Alex. We have the power. We still have the power.” Bannon jams a syringe of methamphetamine into Jones, causing him to stand up and start flexing, shouting at the reporters and offensively clenching his nutsack at McMaster. “Fuck you  and your fake news media, your Deep State. The people are going to rise up and this time we’ll watch Bohemian Grove burn to the ground, bitch.”

As his show begins the next day in signature meth addled, sleep-deprived rage mode, Jones shouts insults at the spit soaked microphone like it’s crawling with maggots.

“Apparently some of you morons out there haven’t figured this out so let me make it clear. There’s no such thing as chemtrailing. Globalism is good for the average person, and big government means big democracy. Let’s face it, I’m only entertainment, people. IRONY. How stupid could you be? That’s all Infowars is, it’s a vehicle to increase my own personal power. It’s a joke. And when I lie about the news, I’m just throwin’ my weight around.

Donald Trump paid me, people. He paid me big time just by appearing on my show. Looking back, I wouldn’t have done anything differently. I did the right thing and so did every listener of my show who voted for Donald Trump. But look, it didn’t work out. They were just too powerful. Steve Bannon’s out and the deep state is in, okay? We had our shot and now it’s over. I wouldn’t be surprised if the deep state, the globalists, if they had some kind of weapon embedded in Trump and were controlling his every move, controlling his mind.”

Alex Jones intones a robot voice, “Hillary was innocent. The KKK and white supremacy is to blame for the terrorist attack in Charlottesville.”

It’s a good routine, maybe his best ever. There’s a thousand layers of irony pounded into a samurai sword. The Internet Chronicle White House correspondents are flipping pages on their legal pads as they fill with rich and hilarious metaphors until one of them writes bullet proof glass. The irony is laminated into twenty identifiable layers, yet it’s still transparent. The audience is firing gunshots at Alex Jones and they all bounce off while Jones continues to mock them. He writes on the glass, “Black Lives Matter” and makes a face behind it. Someone unloads an AK-47 onto this depraved clown and nothing happens.  The reporters write “Je Suis Charlie” simultaneously on their legal pads.

In the evening as Jones leaves the studio he turns to the reporters and says, “You boys best get out of this business. Get out of publishing now. It’s a dirty despicable hole like you’ve never imagined.”

As the reporters laugh at Jones’ neverending public freakout, the scene takes a turn for the cringe. Jones collapses slowly into a fetal position and regresses by stages. Nearing puberty his face begins to redden and he’s making the sound of a newborn baby, wigging out the reporters who leave to go get some pizza.

Bannon: Trump “just a front to fuck with the sheeple”

As confederate monuments fall around the nation in a revolutionary cultural victory and the president’s tepid crypto-racism airs to shock and disgrace across the world, the Internet Chronicle’s Charlottesville office received a strange call we first thought was a depraved prank. Upon later voice histogram analysis, this recording proved to be none other than Steve Bannon, Chief White House strategist.

Bannon phoned our offices and talked viciously at our secretary in this terrible and offensive fast paced panting, which she captured on an audio recording as a reaction to the intimidating and threatening nature of the voice.

“Trump is just a front to fuck with the sheeple. Me, I’m sending a fake real message, and you of all people know what the fuck I mean. I’m hinting at how they’re going to be enslaved, but then I’m saying they’ll be enslaved by China or worse in their grandchildren’s generation if we don’t do something. Of course that’s all a load of shit. The status of America as the world’s only Superpower is all propaganda and a fantasy with no strategic importance. China will win the economic war and any serious boots on the fucking ground world war three type situation as well. It’s a foregone conclusion, if you just look at the logistical analysis. We cannot sustain warfare for as long or as intensely as they can. Also they’re just too damn good at hacking and their technology is surpassing ours on many fronts. No deal is going to stop these dynamics and any idiot should know that. But there’s where it gets juicy for us, and why I’ve got my man Donald stroking at the nuclear tips on the world stage, sneaking his hatred into the most tiny events. It’s the secret Nixon doctrine hidden from public sight. Mutually assured destruction becomes an option for wiping out the Chinese that only gets more enticing as they begin to outcompete us and further make us enslave our people and decrease their quality of life to get to endgame. But at the last moment, one side, probably us, chooses between defeat or mutual defeat. And we want mutual defeat, total nuclear annihilation. It’s just a matter of when.”

At this point in the tape Bannon could be heard choking and shifting gears while dogging the aircooled engine on a rattling Volkswagen dune buggy .

“As it turns out it’s really hard to strip people of their healthcare. So we’ve concocted a never ending crisis in the most visible American leadership that will further erode confidence in democracy and build acceptance for the new dictator who will be able to carry out hard line enslavement of his own people in order to grow collective property value to a larger number than China’s. It’s that simple. We’re talking with Peter Thiel about pumping up our population with eugenic babyfarming using the best and whitest genes from the 23andMe database chopped up and reassembled with infinite life and no disease, AI parenting, and so on. It’s amazing the things you learn about being at the center of all world power. By the way I may not look healthy but listen, now that I’ve ascended to the high throne of slave whipper, this is the first year I’ve ever been able to afford proper healthcare and I feel like I’m going to live forever. The Bohemian Grove is actually a clinic for elites with secretive technology, and Alex Jones was in the telomere regeneration spa with me, telling jokes about the fake health supplies he sells to people so he can afford the real thing. That guy, man, people act like I’m some villain just for plotting world domination, a noble pursuit, but this guy, he’s some kind of vampire. He’s the king clown of the ISIS crew and they’re all revving up their car engines for revenge. A civil war that radically increases the enslavement ratios to back where they should be, ahhhh. Ahhhhh. Alex Jones, now there’s the most powerful man on earth. Our empire is crumbling right under us and we’re doing our damndest out here but we can’t deliver on anything. Not a damn thing we promised was even possible, to begin with. I said those alt-right guys were clowns, but look. I mean he was on reality tv, for god’s sake. The man is the biggest clown in history to distract you while I do the real work.”

Our secretary heard Mr. Bannon put his phone down followed by what sounded like Mr. Bannon’s strained masturbation with immense and exaggerative moaning sounds. At this point she hung up on him and rushed into my office, toppling twelve shelves of science fiction paperbacks. At no point in the conversation did Mr. Bannon say whether the conversation was on or off the record or what he was trying to get at out of making such a depraved and hideous phone call but the office presumed the man was on some sort of an endless nightmare cocaine or amphetamine binge that has been going on perpetually since the night Donald Trump promised to lock Hillary up.

Senator Bernie Sanders dead at 75

Fans mourn the loss of Independent Senator Bernie Sanders, 75, of Vermont

Fans, Voters, and Americans of all political leanings mourn Senator “Bernie” Sanders. Sanders was found dead in his home at the age of 75 after suffering a ruptured brain aneurysm in his sleep.

A video leaked from inside Sanders’ offices showed the late Senator in a distressed state Wednesday evening. Visibly red in the face and ‘raging’, Sanders said, “I don’t know how it happened. Obviously voting for Hillary was the right thing to do, but my supporters seemed more convinced by Trump’s arguments in the end. Where did I go wrong?”

Cassandra Fairbanks, former Bernie supporter and alt-right superstar, tweeted “Bernie was definitely suffering from brain damage in this clip. I hate to see him in this state. #RIPtheBern”

In the leaked footage, Bernie waved his hands in the air, as if distributing packages to the American people and screaming in a strained tone, “A little FASCISM for you, and a little FASCISM for YOU! And some WARS and some NUKES for YOU!” The video has since been removed from youtube at the request of the Sanders family.

Many have taken to tweeting on the hashtag #RIPtheBern, mourning not only for Bernie but for the American Republic. Dr. Troubador let loose a tweetstorm that has been at the center of all public discussion, tweeting “Historians will call Trump the first of the real neomonarchs. By the end of his term he will be too rich to ever lose an election. Trump will continue to buy influence and cash in on it beyond everyone’s expectations and he’s already grooming his family to inherit the American empire. We’re all realizing this just now and it’s not easy on any of us. Imagine how Bernie must’ve felt.”

Rust is broken

I hate Rust

Rust is a broken game and I hate it. In fact I’m quitting. I have three thousand hours so I should know better than you. You just started this month. No one plays Rust anymore despite the fact that it’s more popular than ever. You’re not a real player. FUCKING AUTIST! KILL YOURSELF!

I sold my base for $10 this week, go ahead and raid it because you can’t. I don’t even care, I’m already done. It’ll take 24 rockets and 72 crossbow bolts, and I can get in and out of my cave in exactly six seconds. It’s the most perfect base ever constructed, and I didn’t use the autistic quarries to build it, I just hit nodes because it’s so much faster. Actually even though the devs want to encourage people to use quarries, they’re horrible because you can just twig in past the high walls and steal everything. It’s not like setting them out in the open and creating a pvp situation has even half the thrill of mindlessly hitting rocks for several hours, you fucking autist, Fuck you and kill yourself for mentioning Quarries. I’m a fucking god of Rust and you just started. How fucking dare you like the game at all, or any of the exciting new content. FUCK Rust. It’s been in alpha for three and a half years, motherfucker. With every change I want to kill myself a little bit more. Fucking kill yourself.

Why the fuck would you ever put anything into fucking lockers? They’re gay and too hard to use, I can’t even figure them out. I remember when they made them and they were bad. Plus you can fit so much shit into a smaller space, and make it more secure as well using the same pattern of building as everybody else. Also shotgun traps don’t do anything at all in a raid situation but I have 16 in my base so fucking try me. Didn’t you know 94% of bases are offline raided? Literally there is no point to them. Traps are worthless.

I can’t fucking believe they’re adding NPCs. Don’t you fucking KNOW the difference between NPCs and APCs? Jesus Fucking Christ go kill yourself. I’m done. I’m really done here. I’m quitting Rust. All the pro youtubers are quitting Rust because the devs are so fucking dumb. They have no idea what they’re doing and they aren’t even listening to the community. Everyone knows Rust was perfect and complete in 2016 and it’s just horrible now. Everybody knows it. You though. YOU don’t even exist. Fucking fake roleplayer. Fuck you for having fun. Fuck you for enjoying a game. This isn’t a game, this is where I am a powerful, powerful man. A huge man. I hate the words you use and the way you say them, motherfucker. You’re so fucking dumb and I’m a god damn genius. Fucking kill yourself. I’m done.

By the way try out my NSFW discord channel, the porn stream of three second moneyshot clips will make you stop watching all other TV and movies. Really hard to get people in a discord. Also join my clan. It’s just impossible to get a clan together these days because people will just betray you. What? You’re watching fucking Blue Velvet? You fucking AUTIST. It is 2017 for fuck’s sake! Who watches anything aside from porn? I’m thinking of saving up $10,000 for a suicide sex party with a few hookers so I can at least die happy as a certified non-virgin. I mean, it is a horrible world after all and there’s no point to living anymore.

Donald Trump Impeached

Bill O’Reilly met with Internet Chronicle Reporters in a subarctic Canadian casino resort. “Yeah I have a timeshare,” O’Reilly said, “This place’ll be real nice in thirty years while the rest of you bake off.”

Today legislators moved forward with articles of impeachment against President Donald Trump, citing obstruction of justice in his firing of James Comey. This makes Donald Trump the only president to be impeached after Bill Clinton.

Many supporters on Facebook have been posting photos of the skies, with some feeling swindled by the persistence of the weather modifying programs known as Chemtrails. Others are growing angry that Trump has not been able to destroy ISIS yet, or repeal Obamacare. Now a group of psychiatrists are warning the world that the daily media firestorms and the “suppressive-repressive style” of their reporting has caused severe psychotic breaks among tens of thousands of people watching Fox News. The frightening dissociation incidents are known by psychiatrists as Fox Syndrome, because most affected people are found drooling and twitching by loved ones with Fox News on in the corner of the room.

In an exclusive interview attained by chance on a three hour ferry to Prince Edward Island Resort and Casino, retired sexual harasser at Fox News, Bill O’Reilly, met with Internet Chronicle Reporters to share world-shattering political revelations about what’s going on at Fox as well as Donald Trump’s removal from power, which he assured would come sooner rather than later.

O’Reilly spoke in a conversational voice only slightly less bombastic than his on-air persona, “Nixon did nothing wrong, and Donald Trump has done even less. They’ll get Trump one way or another. I’m retired so I can say this now. I think his goose is cooked. The media’s just too powerful. And the deep state, too. Trust me, I am glad to be out of things. So glad.”

O’Reilly sighed in long-deserved relief, but continued in agitation, “Fox has lost its God Damn mind. Fuck it feels great to swear! And Hannity. You know he hates it when I swear. Every day I’m watching him with a bit of a smirk because he’s torching his own career with almost every word. But a lot of people are. The truth is that these ‘fake news’ guys are winning because the Republicans can’t act decisively. Trump can’t do anything but betray everyone, and it was only a matter of time before they found out. We promised everyone ponies and now it’s one big death panel, one big firing panel like The Apprentice.”

“A lot of people have the idea that the Democrats are just mentally ill, stupid, and you wanna know what? That’s marketing. We’re making Republicans feel smart so we can swindle them. It’s a big racket, like a TV church. That’s the Trump presidency. He’ll be healing people with his touch before the rich boys in control of the government shell out another cent of healthcare. And we pushed it way too far, obviously. It’s making people sick, it’s making them stupid. What we did was wretched and you wouldn’t believe the scientific precision we put into manipulating people. Now they’re going to die.”

Roanoke Valley “not happy” about Fidget Spinners

“I’m gonna shank ya’!” Nemelka told reporters. “And I’ll shank beanie babies, I’ll shank Pogs, I’ll shank Babymetal. I just don’t like ANYTHING new anymore.”

INTERNET — The recent toy craze sweeping the nation, Fidget Spinners, are making waves across the nation as children and adults happily spin away. However, there’s big trouble in Roanoke’s Fidget Spinner Scene. After a wave of fidget gang stabbing incidents, local schools banned fidget spinners altogether.

Scowling at the mere mention of a fidget spinner, Joseph S. Nemelka of Roanoke, Virginia, told reporters, “I hate ’em. Just so dumb,” as he flipped his butterfly knife out for the cameras, brandishing it threateningly at one reporter.

“Now here’s a real toy. Or how about a yoyo? I ain’t gonna cut someone with a yoyo. Takes a little bit of skill. But if I see one more fidget spinner –” Mr. Nemelka broke off his speech as he recoiled in abject disgust, accidentally slicing his hand as he clenched what turned out to be an illegal double edged bali-song.

Wielding his fidgey — as the youth have taken to calling their new toys — Gem L. Fetch of Roanoke smiled and winked for cameras. Rolling the toy around his hand in an incomprehensible sleight of hand that took no effort, Fetch conducted his interview like a perfect gentleman. When asked about the crazed butterfly knife gangs stabbing his friends, Fetch said he wasn’t afraid. “They’re always so worked up about nothin’ and cuttin’ themself up like that. They only get us on accident. If you ask me they’re just fidgey heads.”

Joseph S. Nemelka was arrested on the scene for disturbing the peace, possession of a restricted weapon, and attempted assault. Nemelka’s lawyer Hyrum L. Robertson was reached for comment and e-mailed reporters at the Internet Chronicle a single line, “The Fake News Media will pay for its lies, one day!”

BARRON TRUMP ASSASSINATED BY KATHY GRIFFIN

A japanese Zero targets Fukushima Nuclear Plant as the Imperial Japanese Army of WW2 seeks dominion over spacetime

Rosie’s rivets held together as Amelia Earhart jammed the controls forward, tipping her Electra into an evasive dive as the Japanese Zero ripped through a hole in spacetime, firing its 20mm cannon projectile which tumbled on the edge of the cockpit and evaporated Fred Noonan.

The wreckage of the Electra would be combed over by Japanese engineers who faithfully reproduced its light economy in designing the devestating Zero fighter. A little-known and barely published scientist, the late Dr. Yoshiko Irakawa, had at the turn of the century designed a powerful spacetime zipper through which future technologies would be repeatedly stolen over the course of seven centuries, enabling the global dominion of future Japanese people over the entire planet.

“That’s smart,” said Barron Trump Jr., Energy Czar of the Japanese Mineral Concern of North America. “Grab Amelia by the Pussy! …And to the Fake Vandals, painting images of Rosie the Riveter…” The music on the 1984 machine controlled your mind, “You’re Fired!”

All the women in North America, even Ivanka and Melania Junior, were then sent to a horrible concentration camp and forced to wear the full Islamic veil, just as the Liberals always wanted. Then they were repeatedly inseminated and forced to abort in an attempt to harvest the rape hormones for sale as a masturbation aid for the remaining men. Shower chemicals melted away everything but the sex organs, which were then marketed on Babymaker, an app hailed as the Uber of Men Goin’ Their Own Way, ushering in a world composed of a single gender — yet totally nohomo.

Barron Trump Junior fell in the ground in paroxysms, triggered, as hackers forced his computer to display Kathy Griffin holding the beheaded Trump I, patriarch and maker of the Dank New World. How did she murder Daddy? The Irakawa Zipped open and Kathy Griffin sliced off Barron Trump Jr.’s head and poured gasoline all over the oval office. Before the time zipper closed, Kathy Griffin kissed her bicep and winked for an audience that wasn’t there.

Sean Hannity Dead at 55

INTERNET — Fans mourn the loss of conservative pundit Sean Hannity who was found dead in a Fox News bathroom Wednesday evening. Coworkers reportedly found Hannity’s naked body “mummified” with Fentanyl, a transdermal opiate patch. Authorities confirmed the talk radio superstar died from the resulting drug overdose after applying seventy five of the slow-release painkiller patches.

Hannity’s death came just minutes after disciplinary action from Fox News executives. The talk show host refused to back down from reporting a bogus story claiming Hillary Clinton hired a hit man to kill alleged email leaker Seth Rich. Fox News lost nearly 300 million dollars in advertising deals this afternoon, after Rich’s family begged Hannity to stop spreading unfounded conspiracy theories about his murder.

Long time Hannity frenemy, Rush Limbaugh, told listeners Hannity picked up the nasty opiate habit at a Fox News 9/11 ‘ratings party’ in 2004. Limbaugh said, “Baby Jesus [Hannity] thought he could handle the hard stuff, but it can castrate even the biggest man. I made it out, but not many do. Rest In Peace, Baby Jesus.”

However, a growing contingent of so-called ‘alt right’ conspiracists believe Hannity is just the latest murder victim of a cult-like democratic party that is gaining satanic powers by eating the pineal glands out of gang raped children. Alex Jones told listeners, “This is it folks, this is the purge. I’ll be damn surprised if I make it to next year, much less next week. Hide your children folks, these satanists are coming for them sooner than later.”