Q&A with Nouriel Roubini

In mid-July, world renowned economist Nouriel Roubini sat down with Chronicle.SU’s Anton OyVey for a fireside chat at Bohemian Grove 2011. They discussed the next 18 months of world events, including the Debt Crisis and stock market crash. Much of the discussion was deemed “off the record” by Nouriel, but after a little arm twisting he agreed to sign off on the release of the following excerpt.

Anton: Thanks for the rim job earlier in Kissinger’s tent.

Nouriel: It was my pleasure. Great to share life, love and good wine with you again.

Anton: Stop it.

Nouriel: Did you see what Mohamed A. El-Erian got me?

Anton: Yes and that’s not where it was meant to be inserted.

Nouriel: (laughs)

Anton: Seriously tho… I want to talk a little bit about the next year in world events. Word around the Grove is the Debt Crisis is going to be center stage and you are going to be a busy bee over the next year. Is Doctor Doom about to go viral again?

Nouriel: Let’s just say my calendar is booked solid for the next 18 months, but I will still make time for good wine and cheap women.

Anton: Ben Bernanke’s cabana boy told me that Quantitative Easing Three (QE3) is on it’s way and you are going to be a big proponent again. Do you really believe QE3 will be effective in stimulating growth or should the Federal Reserve be taking another approach?

Nouriel: Economic growth in the US and most developed economies is anaemic at best. Measures of inflation, both core and headline, are below the implicit and explicit targets of the Federal Reserve. The scenario has been and will always be low growth, low inflation and an unemployment rate close to 10 per cent. If you run the numbers, you get that the Fed Funds rate should be around minus 5 percent, but nominal policy rates have a zero lower bound.

Quantitative Easing by the US and other governments has been increasing liquidity to effectively push the real policy rate below zero. Some $600bn of additional liquidity in QE2 was the equivalent of a reduction of about 50-60 basis points in the FFR. When Ben Bernanke says this is just a variant of traditional monetary policy, I think that is correct, even if unconventional. But we both know how Ben likes to stay on top of things…

Anton: (laughs)

Nouriel: I love good wine.

Anton: There’s been a healthy buzz at the Grove about next month’s market crash. Is now a good time to short equities?

Nouriel: Absolutely. The Dow Jones will drop over nine thousand points over the course of several months, starting in August. As you know, global investors have concluded that Obama will only be a one term president and have shifted resources to the GOP. No surprise about Governor Perry. He has an amazing dimple on his ass by the way.

Anton: You are such a pervert.

Nouriel: I can afford to be. I’m Doctor Doom damn it! (grabs wine bottle) More wine?

Anton: No thanks. So what kind of recovery can we expect?

Nouriel: We are looking at an unprecedented recovery pattern. I initially thought we were looking at a “U” shape recovery. After further analysis, it seemed a “W” recovering was in order. But not so fast. The Eurozone and Asian markets have a lot of say in this too. That’s why I’m predicting a “WVW” reccovery. That’s a quintuple dip recession for those scoring at home. More wine?

Anton: No. I’m not drinking.

Nouriel: I told Charlie Rose I’d meet him in Donald Sutherland’s tent in 5 minutes. You coming?

Anton: No. I need to rest my corn hole.

Nouriel: Pussy.

President Obama Trolls The Press: Opens Speech With Minute Of Unexplained Silence

President Obama took to the podium today to talk to Americans about the White House’s initiatives to help veterans get back into the work force and what the government is doing to encourage a healthy economy. But before he dove into the details, the President stood at his podium for a good minute or so in silence, interrupting only to let the audience know that he was “just waiting, here.”

After the speech the President told reporters “Gotcha! Hahahaha… U MAD?” Obama explained that it was a prank that was improvised on his own and no staffers had prior knowledge. “It’s been three years now that I’ve been doing these boring prepackaged speeches. I thought I’d mix it up a little bit. For the lulz, of course!”

After a minute of awkward silence and the audience waiting expectantly for the President to say something, a man in the audience took matters into his own hands and shouted “shapeshifter!” at the President.

A few seconds later, President Obama began his speech without incident, boring the balls off everyone in the room as per usual.

OBAMA TROLLS [VIDEO]

Obama Signs Debt Limit Compromise

President Obama signed off on a last-minute compromise bill to ensure economic catastrophe Tuesday, saying the deal is an “important first step to ensuring that our nation end up in the recycle bin of history with USSSR and Red China.”

The bill, he said, was the outcome of a “extensive strap-on session with both Harry Reid and John Boehner on the Oval Office desk” to ensure an economic disaster which will make the Great Depression look like a picnic. He said that while voters actually believe they have a representational government, “they are in for a big surprise, America as you know it, is over baby!”

“A lot of folks worked long hours to get us into this economic catastrophe, they deserve a little credit here too,” the president said as he winked into a television news camera. He added: “Our economy didn’t need Washington to come along with a manufactured crisis to make things worse, but we did it anyway. We run this.”

After making remarks at the White House, Mr. Obama had unprotected sex with House and Senate leaders in a closed-door ceremony Tuesday to celebrate. In a statement, House Speaker John Boehner commented that the new bill “made me jizz in my pants. I love men.”

Now that the debt limit fight is effectively over, Congressional Democrats say they will pivot back to pretending to care about jobs and the economy.

The President seemed to support that sentiment. “We should do everything in our power to grow this economy and put Americans back to work, but we won’t because Jamie Dimon, Lloyd Blankfein, and Vikram Pandit have my balls in a vice grip.” Mr. Obama said Tuesday.

“This means making some adjustments to dismantle health care programs like Medicare so they aren’t there for future generations. It also means reforming our tax code so that the wealthiest Americans and biggest corporations never have to pay their fair share,” he said.

“And it means increasing taxpayer subsidies to oil and gas companies and tax loopholes that help billionaires pay a lower tax rate than teachers and nurses. Welcome to Junkyard America baby!”

President Obama confesses he 'Fears the Beard'

Brian Wilson's powerful glare caused Obama to lose control of his prostate, leaving his pants full of a mixture of semen and urine.

President Barack Obama met the freakiest team in baseball yesterday as he feted the San Francisco Giants for their stunning World Series win during an awkward gala in Washington.

The Giants — known for their money, success, fame, glamor, and extreme homosexuality — marched into the East Room of the White House and shook hands with the puzzled commander in chief.

‘Then there’s the guy with the beard,’ Obama quipped as he nodded to star relief pitcher Brian Wilson and his bushy, foot-long-long whiskers and Mohawk haircut.

‘Underneath Brian’s beard, and the Spandex tuxedo and the sea captain costume and the cleats with his face on them, is also one of the most dominant lovers on the face of the planet. He gave me the high heater, you know what I mean?’

Wilson’s beard so delighted Giants fans during last year’s championship games, that as his pitches stymied the Texas Rangers, they chanted ‘Fear the Beard!’ – a slogan Obama paid tribute to.

‘I do fear it,” the president deadpanned. ‘I fear the snake in his pants more, to be honest.’

Also on hand was Giants legend Willie Mays, who Obama noted was just a 23-year-old outfielder when the Giants last won the World Series in 1954, still a New York team at the time.

Obama recalled Mays flying on Air Force One as they flew to the 2009 All-Star Game, with Mays on the flight as Obama’s guest. ‘I sat on Willie’s lap for most the flight. He has amazing genitalia.’

‘It was an extraordinary trip. Very rarely when I’m on Air Force One am I the second most impotent guy on there. Everybody was just passing me by [and gushing], ‘Can I get you something, Mr. Mays? A blow job? Rim job? hand job?’’

Next, Obama smoked a fat blunt with razor-thin pitcher Tim Lincecum, also known as ‘The Freak’ and ‘Big Time Timmy Jim’ for his shaved balls that whiz past hapless fappers.

‘America learned sometimes it’s a good idea to bet on the skinny guy with the deceptively large testicles, so you and me,’ the president told Lincecum.

‘The Giants may be a little different,’ Obama added, but ‘one thing they know is how to perform proper fellatio … They are characters with character.’

The team presented Obama – an avid baseball fan – with an autographed No. 44 Giants jersey and a team buttplug.

‘I want to wish the [Giants] luck the rest of the season, unless the White Sox are in the Series,’’ said Obama, a lifelong Sox fanatic.

Rick Perry Anointed Next GOP President of the United States at Bohemian Grove

RICK PERRY JUGGALO 2012 BITCHESWhen the not-so-secret Illuminati two week sexcapade retreat known as Bohemian Grove concluded last week, Rick Perry emerged as the the next “anointed one” by several Grove insiders. This and much more was uncovered as the Governor himself made an appearance at the one day cameo at the 2,700-acre campground in Monte Rio, California.

BOHEMIAN GROVE

The biggest buzz to come out of the summer camp for the world’s richest and most powerful gay men was that current Texas Governor (and avowed Juggalo) was anointed the New World Order’s pick to be president of the United States of America. Multiple sources with in the satanic homosexual encampment confirmed that Rick Perry will be sworn in as the 46th President of the United States in 2012. Yes you read that right, 46th.

SHEEN BARACK U MAD BRO U MAD!?The next phase of the New World Order’s plan for global enslavement was revealed and will kick off next month, with the planned appearance of NWO sock puppet Charile Sheen at the annual gathering of the Juggalos.

MAGIC AND MIRACLESAt the concert Rick Perry will make a “surprise” appearance and give the Insane Clown Posse community an exclusive with his official Presidential exploratory committee announcement from the stage with Ice Cube and George Clinton. The added publicity is expected to aid the jump start of a popular “grass roots” campaign by exploiting the mass popularity of Insane Clown Posse.

WHO MAD!? OBAMA JOKER DAT WHOMeanwhile, Barack Obama is conflicted about how he wants to go out. The Soros wing want him to develop a “severe illness” and bow out of the 2012 race. The Koch wing keeps pushing for a more dramatic exit, perhaps a faux assassination via a “radical tea partier type.” With many outsiders speculating that the recent situation in Oslo was a dry run for a possible White House false flag operation, mum’s the word in the Grove.

SHAGGY Y U MAD Y ERRYBODY MADWhite House sources at the Grove were tight lipped about what Obama is leaning toward, but word floating around a few late night camp fires suggested that he is leaning toward bowing out like a chump with some “family related” excuse.

OBAMA BIDEN I LIKE MENMany anuses in the Grove were tingled by the rumors that Barack would make an appearance at camp, but alas it never happened because Michelle still has his ass on lock. Despite the conspiracy theories floating throught the Grove, it was apparent that somehow Joe Biden will step in at election time and eventually be defeated by Perry in a lop sided race.

YO IM RICK PERRY PEACE OUTDuring his time at the naked resort Perry engaged in the usual activities: lake-side talks, gay sex and Satanic rituals from ancient Mesopotamia. The Governor was seen networking with several key figures who will no doubt play a role in his run for the White House.

EL E PIMCO WE RUN THIS SHITA sample of the who’s who list who met with Perry included: Charlie Rose, Nuriel Rubini, Mohamed A. El-Erian, Henry Kissenger, Bill Clinton, Richard Thaler, Shaggy 2 Dope, Alex Jones, Charlie Sheen, Andrew Breitbart, Barrett Brown, Eric Boehlert, Joe Rogan, Marilyn Manson, and Buckethead.