Barrett Brown speaks at Dr. Troubador’s memorial ceremony

Giving a dedication speech at a ceremony dedicated to Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador’s future grave and unveiling a fantastic bronze statue in his own likeness and honor, Barrett Brown smiled for local news cameras. His speech was eloquent and mesmerizing, awing all the people present, “We analyzed the entire situation of the world from within the most classified backchannels at the very core of the Pursuance Project’s alpha test. I beg to differ with Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, who has been stalking me online! You’ve got to understand, the American Dream is a series of these classic, 18th century liberal self-destroying enterprises, from Raleigh Theodore Sakers Company to Myspace and on now the unimaginable cyber shores beyond the depravity of Crash and the mind-programming Silicon Valley lifestyle-franchising mafiosos seizing power with weaponized teen pussy in Snowcrash, Mason & Dixon, multiverse computer games, and Jesus Christ himself reborn once again as Advanced Human, former Voice of Anonymous, and only man with the cell phone that can text God himself, Christopher “The Voice” Nemelka. Whereupon you find yourself at the mercy of a pussy grabbing game show host who’s been barking fake news about Obama’s Nigerian Daddy for years and now he’s telling you, ‘you’re fired.’ That’s the American Dream.”

“Wow that made profound sense and had something to do with the world of politics and it increases my value to read all those inside jokes. As an erudite and attentive reader of incredible literature this is what I enjoy most. But that couldn’t have been Barrett Brown,” Dr. Troubador tugged at his beard once, and stroked it harder and harder as he came to a logical conclusion. “Firstly, he loves classic liberalism. To him it is the same thing as anarchism in that they’re both an extreme form of naturalism, both the same as his original Randian objectivism. This is very well documented. And besides, he would have said something about Pursuance Software Systems.”

“Pursuance Software Systems? What’s that?” Randy said as he walked in. “Yun’s havin’ a pot party?”

“I’m fuckin’ glad you asked,” yelped Barrett. “You motherfuckers just log on to purusanceproject.com and type in all your social media site passwords and then you’ll automatically tweet and faceboook me and my friends posts. When you post dank shit of your own that follows the idea of destroying governments everywhere you’re issued points that will allow you back into the chatrooms ultimately of elite people like myself who will task you further with more intense retweeting, comment writing, and other posting schemes that may even land you in control of more power in the future anti-government. It’s a whole universe going to emerge out of this incredible new web site. It’s Anonymous 2.0! It’s a superorganism.”

“Superorgasm?” Randy scratched his head. “That don’t make no sense but I guess I like the idea of it.”

Dr. Troubador laughed in the face of Barrett Brown, pulling out a butterfly knife and whipping it in the air around his face to show he didn’t give a fuck. Slashing open that flat, mechanical Roy Batty face, Dr. Troubador revealed Brown was in fact a robot body in which Ayn Rand implanted her preserved brain. However, with a quick Kaspersky analysis he determined that the Pursuance Network and by extension the control of Brown’s robot body had already been compromised by dank hackers associated with Chronicle.su as early 90’s era style credits rolled and generic tv jazz dissolved the dramas of our day.

“Wait a sec.” Dr. Troubador asked Barrett Brown. “If Ayn Rand is just powerlessly trapped inside your body and not in control of it, who is?”

“Oh, I’m simply an AI program that the Board of Directors created specifically to torture Ayn Rand. She gets a parallel feed of all my senses and I retain total control. She can’t in any way communicate, not even with me, so just forget about that.”

“Terrible.” Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said. “How can I give you some bitcoins…”

5 Replies to “Barrett Brown speaks at Dr. Troubador’s memorial ceremony”

  1. Witness: Neo-Nazi Threw a Banana Before He Got Socked in the Face

    ‘One bystander, a white man, approached the neo-Nazi and yelled at him to “get the fuck out of our city.” The neo-Nazi then called the man an “ape and threw a banana at him,” Duff recalled. Within moments, another man ran from across the street and punched the neo-Nazi in the jaw, knocking him out.’
    http://www.thestranger.com/slog/2017/09/18/25419894/witness-neo-nazi-threw-a-banana-before-he-got-socked-in-the-face

    THANK THE NIGGA BABY JOSÈ

  2. Ps- AND WORLD STAR HIP HOP TOO!
    ‘Although he didn’t anticipate a physical altercation, Duff said he was “hopeful” that the man donning the Nazi armband would get punched. Duff noted that he was “really high on like 800 mg of THC” and stood back with about a dozen people during the incident. Another bystander caught video of the altercation, and posted it to YouTube, but the service removedthe clip for violating “YouTube’s policy on harassment and bullying.”

    Thankfully, World Star Hip Hop has the video’

  3. Trump Appropriates the Memory of Pat Tillman, a Liberal Whose Widow Slammed Trump
    https://thinkprogress.org/pat-tillman-not-conservative-martyr-f28504427207/
    ‘Absent from the conversation among conservative circles, however, are Tillman’s personal politics. Those who served with Tillman in Iraq and Afghanistan say he was vehemently against former U.S. president George W. Bush and called the war “so fucking illegal.” Tillman was also an atheist and maintained correspondence with one of his favorite authors, Noam Chomsky.’

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