Kilgore Trout Ousts Barret Brown as Leader of Anonymous

Cuthbert, GA-Early this morning, Kilgore Trout announced that the hacktivist group formerly known as Anonymous is dead. Because of the inevitable progression and definition of ideology that makes up the body politic of the group formerly known as Anonymous, expert analysts believe the rise of a leader became a necessity. Now known as The Legion, Kilgore Trout has distanced himself and his followers from any actions made by the less mature Anonymous. Anonymous was recently hijacked by the United States Government via AnonNews.org and infiltrators threatened attacks on the captors of Bradley Manning. This tactic allows the government to begin investigation and prosecution of anyone who has ever downloaded the Low Orbit Ion Cannon or participated in any operations claimed by Anonymous.

“Anonymous was not originally a true group, but there is now a clear boundary between insiders and outsiders. The threatened attacks on the United States government implicates any person who has ever been affiliated with Anonymous as a terrorist. Thanks to the Patriot Act, Anons can be put to death for treason, or even extradited to the United States for execution without trial. This is why I have formed The Legion, a group worthy of the title hacktivist”~Kilgore Trout

The Legion has defined itself as a more mature and pragmatic entity than the self-destructive Anonymous. The Legion does not seek to do harm but promotes liberty and freedom in the digital age. In his speech, Trout laid out a unifying set of ideas that the less childish members of Anonymous already held in common.

  • Internet activism is best used to promote Internet Freedom. Censoring the sites of dictators and cults runs contrary to the principle of Internet Freedom.
  • Illegal actions should only be taken in an effort to support Internet Freedom. The Low Orbit Ion Cannon must only be deployed as a virtual sit-in against companies who would destroy Internet Freedom and never to block the free propagation of information. The software will be recreated in this image and no longer reflect violence or weaponry, but peaceful disobedience.
  • True civil disobedience requires that Anonymity be abandoned. Each individual deserves their own voice and must own it fully. The Legion’s strength is in numbers and not in Anonymity. Those who only know how to engage in discourse with childish ad hominems will be ignored.
  • The Legion will act only with a consensus determined by range voting. All possible courses of action will be given a desirability rating by participants and outsiders alike. Range voting provides a nearly impenetrable bulwark to ballot stuffing and infiltration.
  • The Legion forgives when it is appropriate, because The Legion seeks change and not destruction.
  • The Legion supports all charities that advocate distribution of computers to the less fortunate and those who lobby for Net Neutrality and Internet Freedom.

Would-be leader Barret Brown has failed to rally members of Anonymous under their original banner. He is currently being investigated by the US government. Soldiers in the nudist section of Quantico have already begun to prepare his accommodations down the hall from Bradley Manning. Barret Brown’s pathetic attempt to lead Anonymous to destruction has been generally accepted as a failure by The Legion.

 

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