This is a reminder Internet Chronicle is the BEST and ONLY source of Real News Journalism this side of the Mississippi River, and especially in the Roanoke Valley.
What made CHRONICLE.SU the BEST and helps us continue to lead the Real News Industry?
Our reporters call to let us know if they’re going to be home after midnight.
They’re good boys, after all.
The Flintstones were so advanced, they figured out how to use dinosaurs as appliances.
That’s the only one time I ever got to see her face. You understand. When you’re looking at someone and you realize they don’t have any personality? They don’t have any soul? That is because they don’t have any flow or access to their ‘flow state.’ And neither do you! That’s because you never transcended!
-Raleigh T. Sakers, CEO of Lebal Drocer, Inc.
A human being is said to be in a flow state while creating music or technical works on an apparently autonomous beat rhythm in lock-step with their own creative background radiation. It is an experience of being a conduit between our thought realms and the senses.
Experience TERROR in a new and improved flow state!
At Internet Chronicle, drug use is punishable by mutilation or death, and employees (including marketing executives) are subject to cruelty. But that doesn’t mean YOU can’t benefit from such mind altering substances as TerrorMax, TerrorMax PM, and Extra Strength TerrorMax.
And for the next level consumer, there is no greater Terror available to mankind than TerrorPeudic for Adults.
In recognition of its greatness, Lebal Drocer, Inc. is pleased to present Internet Chronicle (CHRONICLE.SU) with an Internet Achievement Award. This award grants CHRONICLE.SU permission to impregnate and abort readers at will.
Media Mogul could not be reached for comment, but some asshole smoking a cigarette outside was available for comment. And this fucker had the nerve to ask not to be named. It is with great pleasure we present to you, the idiot masses, the following:
In this CHRONICLE exclusive, Vice presents: Irony Boys: We talked to a Lebal Drocer executive, and this is what he said.
“When you agreed to sign into our website you entered into a Blood Contract, which entitles us to fertility rites in Raleigh’s honor.” Media Mogul, in a secret cabinet memo, leaked to Vice Media, Media Mogul Enterprises.
“I am the God Child.”
Dr. Angstrom Asche Téreblange is the leading Lebal Drocer attorney assigned to defending river ruining toxic dumpages, and covering it up through money to the Roanoke Times. He is a devout Christian, and will soon be resigning to spend more time with his family.
Téreblange says in his dating profile bio:
“I am a terrorist at heart, freedom fighter by nature. You’ll soon regret crossing me!”
The Internet Chronicle has brought you MANY fine products, including Prescription Strength TerrorBloc, the ONLY terror supplement endorsed by a sitting Virginia state governor!
BY GOD YOU’LL LOVE OUR PRODUCTS.
“I swear to God.”
Raleigh T. Sakers, Chronicle founder, TerrorMax enthusiast, and Chief Enthologean of Lebal Drocer Pharmaceuticals
This message is brought to you PROUDLY by Lebal Drocer, Inc.
Turning human beings BACK into PROPERTY since 1996!
“NOW THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.”
Kilgoar “Randy” of chronicle.su