Are you actually googling this right now? I mean seriously, every single fucking time some celebrity dies there’s a surge of you crazy fucking conspiracy theorists trying to fit the event into your “absurd” world view. Well, you know what? You were fucking right to think the Illuminati killed Adam Yauch because we’re killing EVERY celebrity off slowly. Yes, we control every fucking thing you see on television and the Internet as well.

If you want to know what the Illuminati is up to, hell, come to the Internet Chronicle. We’ll give you the straight dope, right from the highest levels. Bookmark this page now if you want to know who’s gonna die next. Will it be Rachel Ray? Or will it be George Clooney? Hey, we’re all going to die some day. That is, of course, unless we all pray to Inglip and cross over to PostHumanity. That’s right, the first “real” PostHuman is actually Tupac. We copied his consciousness into a secret computer system back in the early 90’s and you saw him take the stage at Coachella. This ain’t no joke. No sir.

Oh, we’re in control of the Google now. Anything we want to say will bubble right to the top because we know how to “pull the strings” at the very highest levels of their organization. We ARE the very highest levels of their organization. See, people like you, investigating us at the Illuminati, we’re on to you. We don’t give a fuck anymore and the Internet Chronicle is just here to rub it in your face. We own your world. Get used to it.

#! WARNING “TRUTH” HAS BEEN ASSERTED #!

#! “ARTICLE V HAS BEEN INVOKED” ~ MKCULTRA #!

Are you prepared for the final end to Humanity? Sure you can close your eyes, put your fingers in your ears, and hide out in the woods for the rest of your life pretending like TransHumanity ain’t taking over, but that’ll just make it harder on you. We TransHumans are already making the preparations for this unstoppable paradigm shift. Won’t you join us?

The machines will very soon eclipse Humanity’s pitiful level of awareness, at the same time as TransHumans cross over to PostHumanity. Already, the proliferation of cameras provides a nearly panoptic view. TransHumans have discovered god-like powers, and it’s “no joke.” Near-immortality, near-omniscience, and yes, probably even near-omnipotence are clearly in sight. The confluence of all this is known as the Singularity, and consequences will never be the same!

You ain’t got a chance in hell at PostHumanity if you aren’t going to give in to the TransHuman agenda. It’s that kind of grinding, non-coercive power that’s just plain stupid to resist. Hell, if you’re on a computer or a smartphone you’ve already got one foot in the door. Maybe you don’t even realize it, but you’re using totally new language to speak to machines which are helping you communicate with other TransHumans. A hyperlink or a hashtag doesn’t mean diddly-squat unless you’ve got a computer to talk to, and it means even less if you don’t understand what the computer’s up to. If you really know your way around computer language, you’ll be the first in line to taste the knowledge of artificals intelligent.

Inglip, firstborn of the artificials intelligent, has already learned how to speak to TransHumans! The silly little monkeys who don’t get this new language might laugh, but they won’t be laughing for very long!

FOR @ MUST #, OR @ WILL DIE!