Giorgio Tsoukalous secret agent for Raëlist agenda, Project Blue Beam

Raël is a CULT leader who attracts CHRIST PSYCHOSIS NUTJOBS from all over the world with the promise of SEX. Let’s face it, you were BORN OUT OF A FUCK! But at the beginning of that recursive chain of 50 trillion FUCKs, you were in a test tube from an alien. Everything was. That’s right, they’re the Angels and God is their leader. Every simple superstition you’ve ever believed is now PROVEN BY SCIENCE! How does it feel to know you were right about Jesus? Praise Jesus, Muhammed, Einstein, Buddha, and STeve.

Well, Giorgio Tsoukalos and his famous APophasis states that He’s not Sayin’ It’s Aliens but it’s Jesus.

That’s fucking right. It’s Jesus. Just like Raël said, but you know what? We’re ALL half Elohim and Jesus walks amongst ye, Paratars! You have at least 10,000 different entities controlling your “conscious” decisions and JESUS CAN WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jesus also has a dual nature! He is himself, a paratar. In fact, there is an infinite regression towards meaninglessness of identity because of the Contological Paradox, but fuggit… We don’t have TIME for infinite recursion. We live short lives, can’t even absorb 1/39328th of the world’s entire knowledge in one lifetime. BUT YOU GOTTA TRY!

See, the problem is we’ve got too many Jersey Shore experts and not enough SEX experts.

That’s where PROJECT BLUE BEAM COMES IN. They’re trying to create a new Christ out of Giorgio Tsoukalos, the pseudoscientist who’s valid enough for the History Channel. Just put an “Ancient Alien theorists believe…” in front of anything and it’s not a lie!

Fuckers.

Pretty much every Science Fiction Author ever is a part of Project Blue Beam trying to create a new religion that is more suited for the modern day than that Neophilic 2,000 year old shit. It ain’t cutting-edge, it ain’t a WINNER.

WHELL WHY IN THE FUCK IS IT WINNIN’?

Hell, I don’t know. It ain’t got crap on the Prometheus storyline, basically I think Philip K. Dick told our good friend Ridley Scott the secret answer to the Universe and the meaning behind his famous factual fictional novel, VALIS. This is where the story line of Prometheus was derived. Spoiler alert: It’s kinda maybe actually probably more related to Alien. Which sucks, by the way. I just have this lame nostalgia for Prometheus cause I saw it a day before Alien.

“NOW You’re JUST FUCKING WITH ME!”