Categories
Hate

The end is Fear!

The announcement of Osama Bin Laden’s death has provided the Obama administration with the kind of public support they need to push for a new war. The withdrawal from Afghanistan will now come very soon, as our forces ready to redeploy in Pakistan and possibly Iran. Obama has sided with Palestinian demands, endorsing a return to 1967 borders. The political climate of the region, as exemplified by recent riots outside the Israeli Embassy in Cairo, necessitates a permanent solution for peace if Israel wants to continue to exist. Meanwhile, a multi-million dollar advertising campaign in America has sparked fear and religious fervor by invoking the Apocalypse.

Public opinion and religious faith vacillates wildly after such artificially contrived events. Osama’s death and the oncoming Rapture give the government the social capital it needs to exert power, and exert power it will. Arab World: All your base are belong to us.

The middle east is a nuclear powder keg, and it’s jammed full of insanely extreme theocracies, revolting citizens, stateless military factions, suicidal terrorists, insane dictators, and hordes of huddled masses left waiting for death to rain from the sky. Has America overextended itself, or have we wisely created a base for logistics of a prolonged World War? Should Russia or China become fully involved in a worldwide conflict in these territories, their logistical advantage would be insurmountable. America’s economic failures and dwindling technological edge are disturbing trends which our enemies will take advantage of whenever possible.

Meanwhile, the House of Representatives has primed the fuse. As America worries about the rapture, the devils are quietly pushing legislation that will permanently grant the Executive branch full warmongering powers. It is fear that will pay for this war!

Categories
Fashion Society

Kilgore Trout Quits Both Anonymous and lowercase anonymous!!!!!!!!1

it’s been a long struggle to get to where i am today with lowercase anonymous, and as you can see, i’ve given up on uppercase letters altogether. people can play playstation again, and life is back to normal. i have chosen today to reveal the most shocking fact of all time. my very first trolling handle was in fact guy fawkes, and i have the long-form birth certificate to prove it:

read moar books nonimus? since none of u were able to read books, i disregard ur bawww literary criticism. remember forever that i quit anonymous because no one had read the epilogue to timequake by kurt vonnegut. it’s his last novel ever, his final words . it is a secret final admission to an accidental uber troll by kurt vonnegut himself, using teh alias guy fawkes.

i quit anonymous! i quit anonymous! i quit it SO HARD! I QUIT ANONYMOUS!!!! I SWEAR!!!!

btw, u just joined lowercase anonymous by becoming aware of it. the true definition of lowercase anonymous is the set that contains all sets. it can never contain itself so you are immediately and paradoxically a part of lowercase anonymous and not a part of it at the same time. rofl.

you know what? i think i’ll quit lowercase anonymous too. I QUIT LOWERCASE ANONYMOUS!!!!

Categories
News Sports

Planking meme turns deadly!

The early stages of radiation insanity taking hold.

In the months following the Fukushimi Daiichi disaster, a thick layer of invisible radiation began to affect the minds of the people of Australia. The so-called “internet meme” of planking is a Psy-Op misinformation campaign to neutralize evidence of irradiated minds of millions. It is also an extreme sport.

As people are drawn into the vicious cycle of photographing increasingly extreme planking, they begin to engage in suicidal behavior. The meaning behind a million views on the internet is, in many cases, greater than the planker’s mortality.

Do not attempt extreme planking without proper training.

Planking reveals the unconscious desire for an early death. With its first death in the news, planking will become a worldwide obsession as the radiation eats our brains. The most extreme sport of all time: assuming the position of a corpse in increasingly more dangerous places. Acton Beale, the first death of the sport, is a legend whose courageous planking will be remembered forever.

Meanwhile, the government of Australia has condemned planking. Following the suit of New Zealand, Australia plans to enact legislation that will force internet surveillance on all planking activity. It also allows the government of Australia to spy on anyone who posts a picture containing a body in a “mostly rigid” posture.

RIP, Acton Beale

Acton Beale’s final planking stunt was closed-casket, so as not to encourage more planking. However, his funeral was not devoid of planking. For the first time in history, a gravestone was planked.

Such extreme planking is dangerous not only to the planker, but the motorists beneath.

Since the death of Beale, Planking has reached dangerous new heights. Some plankers have taken to planking over interstates, and crocodile pits. Some have taken to planking on increasingly sharp surfaces in increasingly effective attempts at impaling themselves. Planking while drunk or on drugs provides a great rush, as well as planking on railroad tracks. Certainly, planking is the world’s fastest growing extreme sport. The limits of planking have not yet been imagined.