Author: Kilgoar

Categories
Politics

What's funnier than a dead baby? RICK SANTORUM!!!!1

What’s funnier than a dead baby? When Rick Santorum brings it home from the hospital and introduces it to the kids!

“Karen Santorum wrote a book about the experience: Letters to Gabriel: The True Story of Gabriel Michael Santorum.[11] In it, she writes that the couple brought the deceased infant home from the hospital and introduced the dead child to their living children as “your brother Gabriel” and slept with the body overnight before returning it to the hospital. The anecdote was also written about by Michael Sokolove in a 2005 New York Times Magazine story on Santorum.[1] Karen is also the author of a book on etiquette for children.[12]“

Rick Santorum is opposed to accidental, biological abortion! That’s extreme enough for me. By god, ObamaCare’s going to kill my grandchildren. I don’t CARE if my daughter gets raped, that’s the kind of grandchild I WANT anyway. Finally! Someone with the courage to stand up against the DEVIL.

Vote for Rick Santorum 2012!

He will introduce the corpse of America to his children, and then cuddle the fetus all night with his wife. We need a president who doesn’t mind the smell of a baby in the first stages of decomposition! That is the state of America, thanks to Hussein Obama!

FAITH IN THE FACE OF DEATH! RICK SANTORUM 2012!

Categories
Hate Technology World

Ryan Cleary, Anonymous infiltrator, now official leader of Anonymous amid post-Civil-War fugue

All of the sudden, the United States Government is faced with an information problem it didn’t anticipate. The anti-American threat of anonymously submitted documents from WikiLeaks has forced evil politicians to engage weaponized sockpuppets obtained from HBGary in order to create the dual-purpose Anonymous collective.

Anonymous serves both as a honeypot for enterprising young hackers and as a Psy-Op aimed at discrediting any anonymously submitted documents of the foreseeable future. When Anonymous sprung to defend WikiLeaks, the government engaged its sockpuppet army. HBGary was actually a red herring tossed out by the Government and jumped on by a rabid press. The untrustworthy Anonymous was waving a bunch of stolen e-mails that proved exactly the kind of social weaponry America was deploying. The mainstream media ignored this story and Anonymous was put out of mind.

At some point, a character known only as “Ryan Cleary” began to participate in the administration of AnonOps. He played the part of a young, resourceful hacker with the realistic fault of a hot temper. Most Anons believe Ryan infiltrated Anonymous either for a corporate entity, a criminal organization, or the Federal Government.

George Hotz, the famous iPhone and PS3 hacker, drew the sympathy of Anonymous. A relatively tiny group of around one hundred supported DDoSing Sony’s video game servers, so it was done. Bot-nets created and employed by AnonOps administrators shut down PSN for an entire day, with no real need for the LOIC except to implicate criminals. Somebody somewhere allegedly used the cover of this attack to steal the personal data of a hundred million people. The security was suspiciously relaxed, as if it was a trap, as if some power wanted Anonymous to make the wrong move. A calling card appearing to be from Anonymous was supposedly recovered by Sony, who may have hacked themselves just to profit off of endless downtime.

Anonymous has largely abandoned both AnonOps and AnonNews after “Ryan Cleary” went crusading with his bot-net. Official statements by Anonymous have called all hackers to join their movement. Of course, Anonymous has denied all knowledge of the personal data theft from PSN. Meanwhile, “Ryan Cleary” has accessed all the personal data stored on AnonOps, published it, and claimed to be more Anonymous than AnonOps is. The sockpuppet army has widely applauded “Ryan Cleary” and his success, making him the new leader of Anonymous. His unnatural abilities, shadowy motives, and god-like ability to act with complete impunity has helped him ride the wave of discontent to the helm of Anonymous. Who is “Ryan Cleary”? Is he from Sony? Is he a criminal from Eastern Europe? Is he an FBI agent? The sockpuppet army has gone insane with speculation.

Categories
Entertainment Obituaries

Ashton Kutcher collapses on set of Two and a Half Men, dies

Not enough Tiger Blood?

HOLLYWOOD – Earlier this morning Ashton Kutcher stepped onto the set of Two and a Half Men and into the shoes of Charlie Sheen, only to collapse and die within an hour. Two and a Half Men is the greatest television program of all time.

Kutcher arrived to his first day on set drunk and accompanied by a cadre of male porn stars. Before shooting a single scene, he reportedly tried to “bang 7 gram rocks” in an attempt to live up to the bombastic performance of Sheen. Kutcher’s face was entirely melted before medics arrived. They were unable to revive him.

“You’d think it’d be a half-ass job for any experienced actor to play a smarmy, cock-sure bachelor in a bowling shirt on television. That’s not the case,” commented Sheen, “that pathetic little troll has no Tiger Blood! I told you nobody could handle a dose of Charlie Sheen!”

Meanwhile, Charlie Sheen’s disintegrating acting career has devolved to the lowest level: YouTube and Twitter. Sheen’s Twitter account, the fastest growing in the history of mankind, avoids all the self-destructive fun and serves only to promote his new “jeered-off-stage” comedy tour.

Hollywood elites have approved a new Blu-Ray version of Apocalypse Now: Special Edition, in which Martin Sheen’s face is modified with CGI to look like his son, Charlie, the greatest actor of all time. Charlie Sheen refused to accept any payment for this role except in the form of the purest Colombian Cocaine from his favorite artisan Cocainery.

Ashton Kutcher will not be missed.