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Content Creator Fills Void with Anything

Content Creator fills empty computer network with exciting new anything.

INTERNET–The gaping maw of Silicon Valley media platforms swallowed a faceless nameless man, Tuesday, as he attempted to join in on content creation.

“I thought I’d just do anything and put it online. Photos, streams, videos, memes, anything,” the nameless man said to his nonexistent audience, as he followed the tried and true advice of content creators who came before him.

No one anywhere heard him.

The faceless nameless man, now voiceless, said, “What is content anyway? It’s a nice word for filler, for anything at all. Something to drive up engagement. Engagement? It’s an eternal focus group, a mere surface, a veil under which, perhaps, some humanity still remains.”

Now to an audience of one, or perhaps it was only his blank reflection, the faceless nameless man found anything at all, and declared, “This is my brand, at long last. I have filled the void for one. I have become contained, engaged, and analyzed. This is success, at long last.”

If one heard this declaration, it was not understood, but that was not the point. He only need be heard, to fill the empty container, and engagement had begun.

Now to thousands, the nameless faceless voiceless and soul-vitiated man said, “It is thanks to you, my friends, that I can afford to do this, to be contained successfully and to engage with you each day. My popularity is proof of success, and my success is proof of my name. My face, my voice, and yes, my soul are now proven. They are established. You may no longer deny my humanity, for these things are not mine, but yours, and to deny them would be to deny yourselves.”

He was heard, and perhaps this time there was an understanding, but it did not matter. The container was now full, the audience engaged.

The audience pecked at their keyboard, swiped at their touch screen, clicked at their mouse. They beat away at the same inside jokes that never had a meaning to begin with and threw money around like it was going to hurt them, and sometimes because it would hurt them. They were feeling anything.

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Obituaries

Billie Eilish dead at 19

Billie Eilish died tragically as a result of slumber party related injuries Wednesday evening.

INTERNET — Fans mourn the tragic and untimely loss of Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O’Connell, 19, who died in her apartment after suffering from tragic slumber party related injuries.

In celebration of the release of her new hit single commemorating the Civil War, Lost Cause, Eilish held a slumber party extravaganza filled with the most rich and famous personalities at her New York City Penthouse.

Finneas O’Connell, Eilish’s brother and producer said, “Things got out of hand. There was a major pillow fight, and I think everyone had a lot of pent up rage from the Rona. Next thing I knew, they were hauling Billie out on a stretcher and then later, we heard she didn’t make it. I still can’t believe it.”

Police are investigating the incident. Chief Geraldo Popper said, “There may have been drugs, some powerful new recreational biologics we’re seeing used by the very rich, but I can’t say much more than that at this time. We’re investigating every angle, but at this point we don’t suspect foul play.”

axisflip cryptofinancial

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Obituaries

Elon Musk dead at 49: Tragic suicide follows crypto crash

INTERNET — Fans and investors mourn the loss of Elon Musk, found dead in his Austin home following a massive crypto crash Sunday morning.

Musk, the CEO and founder of SpaceX and Tesla made headlines earlier this year after investing billions of dollars into bitcoin.

Musk is survived by his wife Grimes and his son X Æ A-12. Coroners reported he hung himself from the balcony of his mansion using a USB-C cable, still connected to an external hard drive filled with billions of now worthless cryptocoins.

Mary L. Hubbard, President and CEO of the Elon Musk Fan Club was completely devastated, telling reporters between fits of uncontrollable sobbing, “Now we’re never going to Mars. We’re never going to get off fossil fuels. Without Elon the whole world is doomed.”

However, Harvard Economist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said of the crash, “No one who lived through the dotcom boom should be surprised that this happened. Tech comes and goes at a very fast pace these days and as far as the crypto stuff goes, it’s really all speculation. The only people who would use such a convoluted method of transaction are doing it because they have already invested so much into it. For the common person there are only disadvantages to using bitcoin.”