Internet Chronicle
INTERNET — President Donald Trump, facing a legal mire as subpoenas and indictments pile on his administration, requested asylum this afternoon in a personal call to King Salman of Saudi Arabia.
Within its Red, White, and Blue packaging the bone-melting acid of Dew SA rips into your kidneys while torturing your taste buds with memories of watered down cough syrup, the flavor of force-fed childhood trauma.
INTERNET — Fans around the world mourn the death of President Trump, host of the Apprentice, who was covertly assassinated by the deep state at the age of 70.
Trump was killed and replaced with a computer generated fake sometime Wednesday afternoon, according to reports leaked from insiders at the CIA. Shortly after, the fake representation of Donald Trump, uncharacteristically swayed by “Fake News” coverage of a chemical attack on children in Syria, declared war and fired sixty missiles, destroying a Syrian air force base. Earlier, the Trump simulation fired chief White House adviser, Stephen Bannon.
Several minutes before the air strike, ISIS forces allied with the Deep State surged forward in a coordinated attack, capturing new territory in Syria for the first time in months.
Technical Analyst Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said, “When Disney has the technology to simulate dead actors perfectly, don’t you think the Deep State has something a little bit better than that?”
Infowars contributor Paul Joseph Watson told listeners, “It’s possible the deep state even 3d-printed a Trump replica to fool friends and family. But now the globalists will use this simulation puppet to draw the world into an apocalyptic war that will finally wipe humanity off the map. It’s possible they even kept Trump alive to torture and molest in the basement at Comet Pizza.”
Wikileaks founder Julian Assange was similarly replaced by CGI some time last year.
In a complete rage, America’s most trusted news anchor Alex Jones roared at his audience, “Back before CGI, the globalists would simply kill their enemies, like JFK, but now they’re able to utilize them, taking their images like puppets, controlling the very people who are most dangerous to them. That’s how they control the people. That’s how they control you. You’ll see a lot of Trump supporters going along with the globalists, and there’s nothing we can do. We tried folks, but we lost. Even though they know the gas attacks are all Fake News, they’ll still trust the President. Humanity has lost.”