Author: Kilgoar

INTERNET — The infotainment youtube program Juice Rap News released a promotional video for the cryptographic distributed network Tor which is developed and continuously funded by a front group set up by the US military.

Investigations showing the purpose and intent of the military’s “cloaking device” is readily available online, yet defenders of Tor claim that its sources of funding, localities of deployment, and various groups which regularly use the cryptography in rebellion are an entirely apolitical matter due to tight and secure technical achievement bound only by the laws of mathematics. Such egregious and completely bald lies were gobbled up by the uninterested and unsuspecting dupes at Juice Rap News and repackaged in a confused reference to a literary work that has shown them to be illiterate as well as irresponsible.

Their character George Torwell, based on the famed novelist of 1984, admitted by a slip of irony that the often-denied geopolitical ambitions motivating the creation and continual funding of the Tor project are not a Pollyanna game of activist grabass when he said without irony that “Tor is peace,” in the place of Orwell’s ironic “War is peace.”

However, the Internet maniacs are likely to see this draining of irony from Orwell’s great warning of the lingual tricks of ideology as a clever and cool piece of infotainment and maybe they’ll even make a donation to take the burden off of the Pentagon’s budget.

Tor is War

Prism is Freedom

Internet is Ignorance

~ Torwell Orwell

INTERNET — Julian Assange, speaking by teleconference at a press release detaling WikiLeak’s newest hacked documents, said “ISIS, Russia, and China will be reduced to a sea of glass by Christmas.”

Assange spoke before a map of the world with small nuclear detonations placed over potential target zones, “Our source in the Pentagon has provided proof that the US contravened nuclear non-proliferation treaties for decades in the development of so-called ‘clean’ nuclear weapons that minimize fallout and will not cause a nuclear winter.”

With a single tear streaming down his left cheek, the usually emotionless Assange’s voice wavered, “The US generals are very sure of their missile defense systems and hope to strike a final blow to secure total and perpetual geopolitical domination.”

Referring to the map like a forecaster of nuclear apocalypse, Assange pointed out the regions that would be hit by nuclear weapons, “The exact locations of the detonations can be found on the WikiLeaks website but there is no hope in protesting. If you’re in an area where the bombs will fall, seek shelter or flee immediately.”

Molly Crabapple’s new book “Drawing Blood” sat on the furniture in front of Assange, glowing, and he read several fateful lines from its pages, “The final moment, when one single man attains permanent power over the entire planet falls upon this one huddled, drone-swarmed Syrian woman sheltering infinite children, mere futility in the face of the radiation dawn of the Pax Americana.”

INTERNET — Friday evening, eyewitnesses at San Francisco International Airport tweeted in astonishment as a SWAT team boarded an Aeroflot passenger jet from Russia as it was still rolling in on the tarmac. Edward Snowden was extracted in handcuffs as the jet ground to a halt.

Snowden mysteriously disappeared from social media site Twitter after the November 13 attacks in Paris. Glenn Greenwald and other privacy advocates are enraged as various law enforcement heads have used the charged moment to appeal for legal rights to backdoors in cryptography software — and also blame Snowden for enabling the deaths.

Snowden showed no indication of any wavering in his ideology in the days leading up to the attacks.  Speculation abounds as to the motives behind his return to the US.

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said, “Snowden strongly believes he’ll be tortured upon arrival to the United States and perhaps means to harm himself due to the incredible guilt he must feel at having so many blame him for the Paris Attacks.”

Cory Doctoro, privacy expert, said “This is good, strategically, because Snowden can clear his name and wash his hands of blood. And he’ll get a hell of a lot of attention at the trial, bringing the narrative away from Paris and back to him. We need to maximize Snowden’s effect, and this is just the clever media coup I think they’ve been holding back on for a long time now.”