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Categories
Uncontrollable Patriotism

Rodong Sinmun

No Nuclear Umbrella

Dear Leader

PYONGYANG– The U.S., noisily advertising about its commitment to provision of nuclear umbrella, is stuffing its latest nuclear war equipment into south Korea.

Unaware of what a miserable fate is befalling on them, the south Korean puppets are running headlong into an adventure of attacking the DPRK on a nuke war chariot of the U.S.

Backed by outside forces, they are hell-bent on igniting a nuclear war against the DPRK.

Some time ago, the U.S. suddenly activated its nuclear strategic bomber B-2A to make a sortie to the air of the Korean Peninsula from the U.S. mainland to commit drills of striking a ground target and transferred stealth fighters F-22 Raptors to south Korea from the U.S. air force base at Kadena, Okinawa.

Prior to it, formation of the U.S. nuclear strategic bomber B-52 repeatedly flew to south Korea to stage DPRK-targeted actual nuclear strike drills and its nuclear-powered submarine Cheyenne that had carried out the task of preemptive attack in the 2003 Iraqi war staged joint sea drills with the south Korean puppets.

Of late, the U.S. dispatched interceptor missile-loaded Aegis destroyers John S. McCain, Decatur and the mobile sea radar for detection of ballistic missiles “SBX-1” to the waters around the Korean Peninsula, driving the situation close to a threshold of war.

In a din to provoke a nuclear war against the DPRK, the warmongers converted south Korea into an unprecedented showplace of the U.S. nuclear arms.

It is not a mere saber-rattling, but a prelude to war.

It is utterly silly for the south Korean puppets to want to evade from a shower of our nuclear strike under the nuclear umbrella of their U.S. master.

Now, the U.S. cannot afford to take care of its stooges.

The U.S. has so far swaggered that its existing missile defense system is strong enough to counter the missile threat from north Korea.

But, recently the U.S. gave up even a plan to deploy its MD system in Europe and additionally established its interceptor missile system to defend the mainland.

The south Korean puppets also know its reason well probably.

All has changed today.

Our nuclear deterrent has been boosted up in both quality and quantity. The character of confrontation between the DPRK and the U.S. changed fundamentally.

Of late, U.S. military experts sneered at the remarks of the U.S. Defense Secretary that the U.S. army can undoubtedly protect the U.S. and south Korea from the North’s nuclear threat. They warned that in case the DPRK applies a more singular method, the counter of the U.S. and south Korea would become more miserable and the moment when the North decides to strike, the U.S. would spend very appalling hours.

They made really meaningful comments.

DPRK’s nuclear shower will break the U.S. nuclear umbrella so mercilessly that the warmongers cannot even repent of anything.

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Categories
Entertainment

Dr. Phil denies paying Jodi Arias’ family for sex

Dr. Phil opposite former sexpot murderslut Jodi Arias
Dr. Phil opposite former sexpot murderslut Jodi Arias

Television therapist and fake doctor, Phil McGraw denied Tuesday real allegations he offered the Arias family money for sex with their daughter in exchange for TV coverage once a verdict is reached.

The despicable television star has committed higher atrocities in the past, such as inviting Bumfights producers onto his show only to throw them off in a public display of power.

Is there no end to media abuse at the hands of “Dr” Phil McGraw? Will the family seek reparations from the television station? Will this balding pariah ever admit to the allegations that he paid for sex he never received? Furthermore, at what point in time is he expected to shed his outer husk to reveal a final, mucus-enveloped form?

All this and more, on chronicle.su.

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Categories
Local Special Interest

Don’t fuck with me, I’m football team

NOVATO, CALIF. (2-7-2012) – An anonymous internet user going by the name of OP released the bank account numbers, Social Security Numbers, phone numbers and addresses of a massive number of Novato residents Saturday.

CHRONICLE.SU URGENT UPDATE: (2-6-2013)

An anonymous caller phoned in a tip that he is “free now” and intends to “finish” what he “started” one year ago, challenging all preconceptions OP is a fag. Listen to the bone-chilling telephone call here.

The individual, who seemingly appeared out of the blue, addressed the anonymous website as his “crew,” using rhyming language.

Rumors are circulating that the information passed down originated from an accomplished hacker group comprised of remnants of LulzSec.

As leaks poured out, anonymous internet users suspected they might be credit cards, but later determined the leaked information was bank account numbers issued by Westamerica Bank, a local bank of California which issues ten digit account numbers like are found in the leaks, or “dox,” the term sometimes used for the disclosure of sensitive information.

Hello /b/
Do you remember me?
Infamous I was
Fucking shit up, causing quite the buzz
I belonged to a team
With a hacker like theme
Now I’m lurking here
For a crew thats top tier
I have a plan thats 4 years in the making
And soon we’ll have what’s ours for the taking

A handful of brave or reckless individuals logged into the bank website using the details.

Others signed up for accounts using the credit information, immediately followed by declarations of deletion of virtual machines, as well as paranoia fueled incineration of their hard drives.

Another user asked, “what did they do to you OP? Seriously, not the whole fucking town could have wronged you.”

“OP” refers to the “original poster,” who has acknowledged the extreme likelihood of going to prison as a result of his or her actions.

After some investigation, it was determined OP’s identity might possibly have something to do with Jack Briner who, in 1997, used stolen lists of information from his former bank of employment for use at Westmerica Bank. Google results reveal Jack Briner is teaching economics to the upcoming best-and-brightest of San Jose.

OP was particularly inclined to call out an individual by the name of Jim Greenway, whose SSN was referenced repeatedly and explicitly. OP added, “the rest and greenway shall pay.”

UPDATE: Jim Greenway is a bank branch manager.

After posting the 25th batch of account numbers, OP quipped, “Don’t fuck with me, I’m football team,” spawning a meme which, as time goes on, will likely gain notoriety with its obscurity.

Also, there was a four hour countdown. At zero hour, this happened:

greenway is gone
i have set us up the bomb
time to say goodbye
as i too shall die