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News

Chronicle.SU Issued ‘Cease and Desist’ Notice

BREAKING: Bluehost, demanding we remove all disparaging posts mentioning th3j35t3r, threatened to take the Chronicle.SU off their servers Thursday unless Chronicle.SU issues public apology and formal proof of cyberbullying articles’ deletion.

We are so very sorry for hurting th3j35t3r’5 feelings. We did not realize she is so very fragile but now we know her emotions are as balanced as a bipolar single mom and we heed rightly all warnings not to upset her or her three ardent Twitter followers / defenders.

We have not removed the articles ourselves, but instead made th3j35t3r an official Chronicle.SU account, with privileges all to her own that will grant her the power she needs to remove the articles if she feels they are inaccurate or misrepresent her in any way. The username and password were direct messaged to her on Twitter Thursday morning.

We are also sorry for Twitter accounts controlled by this writer who, when not writing for the chronicle, has an extremely loose tongue and demonstrates great interest in the arid climates of female genitalia. But for that we can only be sorry, for what he does in his own time is his own business. But you can rest assured, he won’t bring that dicktalk to the Chronicle. No sir. He surely won’t.

And finally, we wish to make everything right for each individual offended by the Chronicle.SU so we ask that you upload our simple form and put a link to it in the comments section so we may assist your needs individually.

Thank you, and God Bless.

This message brought to you graciously by Lebal Drocer, Inc.
We own everything that matters.

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Categories
Local

Local man touches dick

Sources report great pleasure.

everybody’s afraid to use the chronicle
But I’m not

would you fuck me? yeah? you would. you’d fuck this. you’d fuck #oldbrutus

i know you would. i am touching my dick right now. I’m touch ing you. through this website.

PROBLEM: UPDATE
CHECK THIS UPDATE ON MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS WITH @MACH2600

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Categories
Hate

TH3J35T3R is Completely Irrelevant

th3j35t3r is a weak, impotent jingoist bitch.

Lacking the necessary skills required to hack and deface the glorious and infallible Chronicle.SU, th3j35t3r resorted to snitching to our web host’s Twitter account, thinking they would share her butthurt after we reported what an impotent dick she is. Nice “hacking” Jester.

The Jester is only capable of attacking outmoded Apache servers based in the Third World. This is why she carved a niche attacking Jihadist websites. Because Islamic extremists hate technology, they don’t even use websites, but they know a guy who, for a wheelbarrow of opium, will throw something together on Apache 1.0.

The Jester attacks these sites using XerXes, some piece of shit offshoot of a real program called SlowLoris, which requires no computer skills and only a basic knowledge of websites to operate. XerXes is so easy, a caveman could abuse it.

XerXes just serves to provide the Jester with a lame hobby – some superficial claim to fame that, in a best case scenario, might get that pussy wet if she knows how to brag to drunk easy kills at the nearby drunkhouse. But we have it on good faith that, contrary to popular belief she is a female, the Jester is a bald middle-aged male who masturbates to child porn on the darknet. However, the presumption that th3j35t3r possesses the technological prowess to navigate the darknet is far-fetched.

The Jester is not helping anybody. He’s only hurting people. If this is funny, then you are a dick, like the Jester. Which is totally cool, but still. You’re a dick. And The Jester is a narc.