President Barack Obama met the freakiest team in baseball yesterday as he feted the San Francisco Giants for their stunning World Series win during an awkward gala in Washington.
The Giants — known for their money, success, fame, glamor, and extreme homosexuality — marched into the East Room of the White House and shook hands with the puzzled commander in chief.
‘Then there’s the guy with the beard,’ Obama quipped as he nodded to star relief pitcher Brian Wilson and his bushy, foot-long-long whiskers and Mohawk haircut.
‘Underneath Brian’s beard, and the Spandex tuxedo and the sea captain costume and the cleats with his face on them, is also one of the most dominant lovers on the face of the planet. He gave me the high heater, you know what I mean?’
Wilson’s beard so delighted Giants fans during last year’s championship games, that as his pitches stymied the Texas Rangers, they chanted ‘Fear the Beard!’ – a slogan Obama paid tribute to.
‘I do fear it,” the president deadpanned. ‘I fear the snake in his pants more, to be honest.’
Also on hand was Giants legend Willie Mays, who Obama noted was just a 23-year-old outfielder when the Giants last won the World Series in 1954, still a New York team at the time.
Obama recalled Mays flying on Air Force One as they flew to the 2009 All-Star Game, with Mays on the flight as Obama’s guest. ‘I sat on Willie’s lap for most the flight. He has amazing genitalia.’
‘It was an extraordinary trip. Very rarely when I’m on Air Force One am I the second most impotent guy on there. Everybody was just passing me by [and gushing], ‘Can I get you something, Mr. Mays? A blow job? Rim job? hand job?’’
Next, Obama smoked a fat blunt with razor-thin pitcher Tim Lincecum, also known as ‘The Freak’ and ‘Big Time Timmy Jim’ for his shaved balls that whiz past hapless fappers.
‘America learned sometimes it’s a good idea to bet on the skinny guy with the deceptively large testicles, so you and me,’ the president told Lincecum.
‘The Giants may be a little different,’ Obama added, but ‘one thing they know is how to perform proper fellatio … They are characters with character.’
The team presented Obama – an avid baseball fan – with an autographed No. 44 Giants jersey and a team buttplug.
‘I want to wish the [Giants] luck the rest of the season, unless the White Sox are in the Series,’’ said Obama, a lifelong Sox fanatic.
When the not-so-secret Illuminati two week sexcapade retreat known as 
The next phase of the New World Order’s plan for global enslavement was revealed and will kick off next month, with the planned appearance of NWO sock puppet Charile Sheen at the annual 
At the concert Rick Perry will make a “surprise” appearance and give the Insane Clown Posse community an exclusive with his official Presidential exploratory committee announcement from the stage with Ice Cube and George Clinton. The added publicity is expected to aid the jump start of a popular “grass roots” campaign by exploiting the mass popularity of Insane Clown Posse.
Meanwhile, Barack Obama is conflicted about how he wants to go out. The Soros wing want him to develop a “severe illness” and bow out of the 2012 race. The Koch wing keeps pushing for a more dramatic exit, perhaps a faux assassination via a “radical tea partier type.” With many outsiders speculating that the recent situation in Oslo was a dry run for a possible White House false flag operation, mum’s the word in the Grove.
White House sources at the Grove were tight lipped about what Obama is leaning toward, but word floating around a few late night camp fires suggested that he is leaning toward bowing out like a chump with some “family related” excuse.
Many anuses in the Grove were tingled by the rumors that Barack would make an appearance at camp, but alas it never happened because Michelle still has his ass on lock. Despite the conspiracy theories floating throught the Grove, it was apparent that somehow Joe Biden will step in at election time and eventually be defeated by Perry in a lop sided race.
During his time at the naked resort Perry engaged in the usual activities: lake-side talks, gay sex and Satanic rituals from ancient Mesopotamia. The Governor was seen networking with several key figures who will no doubt play a role in his run for the White House.
A sample of the who’s who list who met with Perry included: Charlie Rose, Nuriel Rubini, Mohamed A. El-Erian, Henry Kissenger, Bill Clinton, Richard Thaler, Shaggy 2 Dope, Alex Jones, Charlie Sheen, Andrew Breitbart, Barrett Brown, Eric Boehlert, Joe Rogan, Marilyn Manson, and Buckethead.