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Hate

Anonymous, you are my very personal army

Two weeks ago, I published my own “dox” on pastebin. Every time I make a comment or post an article, someone links to these “dox.” It gets funnier every time. Someone out there must think the “dox” are so embarrassing and discrediting. Well, the joke’s on you, Anonymous. You’re doing exactly what I want you to. You’re my personal army.

The e-mail is real, and I want the whole world to see it. The OKCupid is real too, but I dressed it up just for you before I posted it. Gave it the embarrassing feel of a real “doxing.” Everyone fell for it, too.

Thing is, some hacker publishing just one of my e-mails doesn’t make any sense at all. Anons really must not care to be analytical about anything and this is proof. Anyone who looked at the “dox” with even the slightest amount of critical thought would have seen instantly that it could have been posted by only one person. That’s me!

I really don’t give a shit what you think about my personal life. I couldn’t care less. You have no context to judge, and your childish name-calling has never once bothered me. Once again, you’ve done exactly what I wanted. I made Anonymous rabidly publicize a personal letter because the girl I wrote it to was a complete bitch to me. Now the whole world knows my side of the story, and it is all thanks to you.

Congratulations, Anonymous! You are my very personal army! Send me pizzas, I’m hungry. Send me strippers, I’m lonely. Give me a prank call, I want to hear from you. Send me boxes, I know who could use them. Hack my computer to pieces and find out how great I am. Deface this very article, it is backed up where you can never touch it. DDoS the Chronicle for as long as you want and give us more publicity. These are all things I want!

Whoever holds the keys to hate holds the keys to Anonymous, for it is all Anon knows. I am trollface, watch me grin. When will you find a way to take the lulz from me? Never, for I am your king!

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Entertainment Hate

Lagswitched by Anonymous

Today, gamers everywhere were unable to get totally pwnd by flying lagswitchers who use auto-aim scripts to score headshots every time. Anonymous has taken the age old rivalry between hackers and gamers to the largest possible scale and blown it for both sides. In what is spun by Anon Propaganda Sources as an act meant to defend hacker freedom, Anonymous has revoked the internet for all Playstation 3 consoles. For some who are too afraid to jailbreak their console and too dumb to use a PC, PSN is the only way to access the internet. Gamers have been left with no other recourse but to failtroll AnonNews and AnonOps.

Don’t get me wrong. The problem that Anonymous faces is not the minor hypocrisy of denying PSN filtered internet to mindless joystick jerkers. Anon has become confused and DDoSed when they really meant to lagswitch and grief, along with other long proven methods for ruining games. Maybe PSHome is in need of some poolside Afro loving. But no, thanks to DDoS fixation, Anonymous has committed the vile hypocrisy of ruining griefing for their own kind. I encourage all Anons to flood PSN with real ruination and hate. Get some true lulz out of this horse before it dies. Sony is scum.

Sony’s team of flunky executives has decided they will get a good profit margin on their attorneys’ salaries by going after the genius of George Hotz. Because GeoHot’s academic pursuits have defeated all software piracy safeguards, he is to blame for all piracy and must pay for every game ever pirated. When Apple claimed that they own your iPhone forever, it just did not stand up in court. Big businesses have become so crooked that they no longer want to sell you a product that works on its own. They just want to rent you a product that rents you more products. George Hotz took it upon himself to expose this farce and now Sony wants him to pay up. Any reasoning person can conclude that Sony owes George Hotz millions of dollars for his research. Sony is responsible for making PSN so shitty that the LOIC is more fun than Call of Duty: Black Ops. Point and shoot. Point and shoot. Point and shoot. Point and shoot.

 

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Fucking Pseudonymous Pwnd!