"Look how good you're playing," says the Internet Chronicle, handing an unplugged controller over to kilgoar and hatesec.
Taylor Swift, radicalized by the terrorist group EFF, has begun a psyop campaign to subliminally turn otherwise normal people into terrorists.
INTERNET—Earlier this week a puzzling 8 second Taylor Swift song seemingly featuring nothing but white noise was the most popularly downloaded song in Canada, disseminating subliminal instructions to millions of vulnerable teenage listeners. Wednesday, a terror attack struck the heart of Canada as shooters rampaged through the streets of Ottawa, its capital.
Experts have shown a direct connection between Swift’s hit single and the terror sweeping through Canada.
Expert in subliminal psyop warfare at DARPA, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, said via Instagram:
“Taylor Swift has been radicalized by subliminal programming, fallen in with hackers who want to fight the surveillance state, and replicated the programming that radicalized her into an 8 second clip of so-called white noise containing specific programmatic instructions: Kill the government. The shootings in Ottawa are the beginning of a wave of terror like we’ve never expected, except instead of militant Islamists, this time it’s computer geeks. If I was to tell you the message that was coded, it could instantly brainwash anyone who read it or heard it read out loud.”
Did Amanda Bynes’ parents have the means motives and opportunity to plant a chip in her head, effectively making her a Transhuman?
INTERNET—Amanda Bynes’ latest tweets strongly suggests she must be among the first generation of cybernetic transhumans, or may even be the very first ever, if it is indeed true, as she claims, that a chip was surgically installed into her body. Human-brain interfaces, also known as HBIs, are a wide range of technologies which, since the early 80’s, have allowed people to interact with a computer on a neurological level. That is, HBIs allow anyone to use a computer without the mechanical click of a mouse or a keyboard.
Amanda Bynes’ father worked on a team that developed a version of HBI technology that wired computers directly into the brains of mice while her mother went to work as an assistant to a plastic surgeon specializing in breast implants. Some experts speculate that given the most cutting-edge technology available in the 80’s, the “brain chip” would be too large for a human skull and must have been installed elsewhere, most likely in the thigh or breast.
As always happens with new technologies, something has gone awry with Amanda Bynes’ implant. On Twitter, she teases her father and mother, alleging incest as a symbol for the monstrous overwhelming love that caused them to make her inhuman. No sane person would give her empathy for the true story, that she is a cybernetic transhuman, so she must remake her story out of another more believable cloth. As she admitted that the incest story was counterfeit, she announced her true belief that her father had both designed and installed the chip that modulated her brain.
Many have imagined that the extremely wealthy would sire the first generation of transhumans, but it seems some lucky portion of power fell into the hands of the new technology’s most adept practitioners. By amplifying the circuits in Amanda Byne’s brain that produce charisma, Bynes was made into Nickelodeon’s biggest child star — ever. Science and the love of her parents was seemingly able to enhance her brain, giving her unnatural talents. Experts believe that chips from the 80’s would have, after several years, malfunctioned because of body heat. Some point to a rapid breast-size change or sudden hair loss and check videos and images of Bynes for signs of surgeries, but it is not clear whether she has had any subsequent surgeries to either repair or enhance her malfunctioning charisma unit. “Her incredible comeback,” said HBI researcher Dr. Troubador, “Seems to me to be the height of her charisma, a birth of a totally new species!”
INTERNET—Former Nickelodeon child actress Amanda Bynes came back to Twitter Friday, giving fans more of the floundering former child star peep show than they bargained for. Bynes told the masses:
“My dad was verbally and physically abuse to me as a child . . . He called me ugly as a child and then asked me if I wanted to have sex with him and i did not know how to respond I said no. My dad fondled himself in front of me so many times that i started recording him on my phone in hopes of catching him. My mom knows that my father’s literally and physically incestual towards his own daughter and the fact that she never called the police on Him embarrasses me to no end. I cannot hear the sound of His incestually charged voice ever again and I’m just being honest. So call me what you want but please do not call me crazy or insane because that’s a joke.”
Earlier, Byne continued her campaign of lawsuit threats to tabloids who depict her as ugly and crazy, as well as announcing her engagement, tweeting, “I am getting married and my boyfriend and I are going to be on the cover People magazine.”
Surveillance footage of Bynes dancing while shopping “went viral,” Friday, perhaps triggering the latest flood of tweets. Bynes was mostly absent from Twitter since her drug-addled breakdown last year, but her return has fans of child actress voyeurism in spasms of orgasmic pleasure as they integrate the new twisted aspect to the child star’s family life.
EDIT! Amanda Bynes unveiled that these tweets were all part of a master troll. Her troll was wrapped in a hilarious “tinfoil” joke that’s now common fashion for participants of the online idea (can’t arrest it) of Anonymous. Referencing a common brain-invasion theory, Bynes revealed that the risky deception to slander her parents was the result of a “brain chip” that her dad surgically installed into her at an early age. Bynes may have also been slyly referencing the character Angela, from William Gibson’s Count Zero, who similarly had a chip installed in her brain by billionaire parents a chip to enhance her intelligence.
