Category: News

INTERNET — Edward Snowden spoke out after reports of rapid desertification in Mongolia have shocked millions, saying, “The desertification in Mongolia is an intentional effect created by the DARPA weather modification program that aims to turn the planet into an inhospitable wasteland while preserving perfect conditions for Monsanto products in America.”

Four Herders in lower Mongolia were jailed for protesting the Chinese government policy that outlawed grazing in areas threatened with desertification. Protesters say the government’s mining and forestry operations in their former nomadic homelands are to blame for the desertification, not the grazing.

Edward Snowden said, “While I stand with these nomads and want to protect their way of life, they should be blaming the US government. Their end game is to turn everything but Monsanto’s farms into a lifeless wasteland, because National Security has become more important to them than basic humanity.”

INTERNET — Native Americans on Facebook may find their given names altered to sound more white, according to reports. Lance Brown Eyes had his name altered to Lance Brown, and has since struggled and failed to get any response at all from the one-person team responsible for instituting Facebook’s “real name” policy.

Facebook spokesperson Daneel Olivaw told reporters, “We encourage non-whites to use more approachable names, white names, simply because our algorithm for testing fake names is limited. Plus, it makes it easier on their white friends who may become confused.”

When asked why it was so important to police native names, Olivaw said, “Fake names lead to an unsafe environment, and because all of our detection of fake names is automated, this lets us keep the service free.”

Olivaw grew impatient and angry as reporters needled him with questions about why only one human was responsible for such a tremendous task, “Hey, I don’t tell you how to run your business, do I? Facebook is not a public space, it is a private space, and you follow our rules by our grace. You will construct your authentic self within our framework of acceptable behavior.”

Facebook quickly announced that Olivaw was “under investigation,” but the naming policy at Facebook hasn’t changed, and the atmosphere of colonial control and oppression fostered by Facebook’s automated name policy has poisoned the well for natives.

“We don’t want to go back to Facebook,” said George Tall Eagle. “It’s a racist system. We need our own Facebook with our own set of rules.”

INTERNET — A whistleblower from the CIA released conclusive information to the hacker collective Anonymous that showed the CIA was acting as “de facto editor-in-chief” for all network and cable news stations. That means that a CIA agent ultimately controlled what Brian Williams could and couldn’t say, while giving him cash rewards for hamming up stories about combat in Iraq.

The whistleblower also alleged that Bob Simon, dead Wednesday evening from a fatal car crash, was on the verge of coming forward with an investigative report that would show conclusive proof that the CIA has been controlling the content of practically every major newspaper at home and abroad, and most actively in Syria and the Ukraine.

Williams has totally disappeared from the public eye and was suspended for six months without pay.