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Politics World

Snowden Dead of ‘Apparent Suicide’

Edward Snowden
Some people might say Snowden was a hero. Not us, however. We hated Snowden.

Russian authorities say Edward Snowden was found dead in his hotel room Monday. The apparent cause of death according to US officials is suicide.

Edward Snowden became a global name in July following his controversial disclosure of top secret government documents confirming the supposed existence of a global surveillance program, PRISM, XKeyScore and other revelations surrounding the details of chemtrails and HAARP, the weather control facility recently discontinued by the United States as an apology to the Native American Indians.

Rumors of Snowden’s murder have already begun to circulate through Twitter and Facebook, although there is still no consensus around who to blame. Many patriotic Americans have already begun celebrating Snowden’s death by firing rifles and handguns into the woods behind their homes. The Socialist minority, however, staged a midnight vigil at the lawn under the Washington Monument.

Snowden’s death comes on the heels of an announcement by US President Barack Hussein Obama that the 2011 PATRIOT ACT is being dialed back, along with programs by the NSA and DARPA.

Obama made no promises to discontinue the global collection and analysis of Internet traffic, but said he did not consider Snowden a “patriot.”

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News

Dog the Bounty Hunter to pursue Snowden Bounty

Dog the Bounty Hunter was recently arrested by Mexican authorities for illegally bounty hunting outside of US territory.
Dog the Bounty Hunter is on the hunt yet again, but this time he’s after NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden.

HAWAII — Duane Chapman, better known as Dog the Bounty Hunter, announced plans to enter Russia illegally in order to capture fugitive whistleblower Edward Snowden. Dog, in an impromptu press conference held outside Da Kine bail bonds, said, “Sometimes you gotta bend the rules to save America, and if I can catch this traitor Snowden and bring him back to God’s side, then it’ll be worth the risk of a lifetime of hard labor in a Siberian gulag.”

The reward for the capture and return of Edward Snowden has been set at one billion US dollars, prompting many bounty hunters to take the risk of capturing a fugitive who is protected by the Russian KGB. Dog was recently arrested and released by Mexican authorities for illegally bounty hunting outside of US territory.

When asked if he had a message for Snowden, Dog became agitated and began to rant, “Every Dog has its day, but Snowden, your days are numbered. Me and Beth are gonna catch you and bring ya to justice, the American way. If you’re listenin’ slick Eddy, the Dog’s comin’ for ya. You can run, but you can’t hide brah. The Dog has picked up your trail.”

Dog and his buxom wife Beth were reportedly spotted boarding a jet for Hong Kong, where the couple intends to search Snowden’s hotel rooms for evidence.

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Veteran Journalist’s meat tampered with in home invasion

Veteran Journalist Vic Livingston has been systematically tortured by cell tower neuromodulations, but now home intruders are meddling with his meats.
Veteran Journalist Vic Livingston has been systematically tortured by cell tower neuromodulations, but now home intruders are meddling with his meats.

INTERNET — Like millions of other innocent Americans, Veteran Journalist and relentless information warrior Vic Livingston has long suffered from cell tower based “neuromodulation” slow-kill genocide and torture. However, due to his continued fight for truth even in the face of such overwhelming power, agents have allegedly invaded his home and tampered with his frozen meats.

Vic Livingston said, in a post on his Facebook, “We continue to be TERRORIZED by home intruder(s) who invade our house as we are kept under at night by electromagnetic celltower radio frequency weapon neuromodulation attack. I just found back in our freezer the discolored meat that I threw into the trash last night. Neither I nor my wife did this.”

Understandably shaken, Livingston has few ways to fight back except by sharing the truth on social media sites. Livingston finds it a constant struggle to keep his story straight, as agents targeting him regularly edit or censor his comments and blog posts. How much of Livingston’s reporting is his own and how much has been altered by agents remains unknown, but targeted individuals would be well advised to keep an eye out for spoiled and discolored meat planted in their freezers by gestapo like home intruders.