Recovered from a drug sales forum on the dark web, this advertisement for click fraud promises artificial clicks on your ads, and more money for publishers. In this image, the Lebal Drocer company name and logos are plainly visible.
MUANG NGOI, Laos—Terry had come to see. The air turned sweet. Soon it would be nightfall. The forest was a canopy of shadows and rising tension, the awakening of howling beasts. Terry had driven across the country to reach this remote river village, and now he was finally here, looking to the top of the hill, ready to confront the person he believed had fraudulently clicked more advertisements than anyone in Laos. In the distance, he could hear them: dozens of mice clicking.
For nearly two months, Terry, 64, an American counter-trafficking agent working with various government agencies around the world, had tracked the source of this fraudulent clicking activity to a small hut in southeast Asia registered to an obscure publishing magnate, a man named Raleigh Theodore Sakers.
Authorities say the underground click farm would have never been discovered, if the site’s owner, Raleigh Theodore Sakers, had never started his side hustle:
“They were solving captchas on the side.
Lt. Raymond “Ray” Terry, FBI Investigator
Ya dig? Raleigh had them kids working non-stop 16-hour days, seven days a week.
Their tiny hands, he said, make it easier to see the screen, which helps them click faster. The children do not know their families.”
Repeat Offender
Dr. Angstrom Troubadour is listed in a formal complaint where Lebal Drocer, Inc. was accused of operating a fake news, disinformation camp.
Terry says the above image is a closer approximation to the reality of work on a Lebal Drocer clickfarm. Standing in stark contrast to the club-like atmosphere being sold in the advertisement, a Lebal Drocer clickfarm is an un-ventilated cell where a single person is made to click, or touch, a battery of phones attached to a board, reminiscent of a switchboard operator’s station.
Children as young as the age of three are hunched over dirt mounds, like pitcher’s mounds with an iPhone for a plate, and they are being forced to peck on Temu advertisements while having no understanding of what they are doing.
“These children are working before they are even making memories,” Terry said. “If I wasn’t a cop, and I read books instead of watching MMA, I would say this is just like Brave New World.”
Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, the scientist who famously designed a slightly curved, corkscrew tunnel for Raleigh Sakers to stumble through, said the media giant hired him to develop a social media mining technique that entertained the child like a toy.
“Lebal Drocer’s child mines would be addictive,” Troubadour said of Raleigh’s designs. “They cry when they are given their twice-daily break. They refuse food, and even toilets. These were the results of our experiment.”
Terry said that experiment stopped when a meme popularized the expression “the children yearn for the mines” and drew attention to the science before any product could take form.
“We was hot on ’em,” said Terry. “I smelled blood.”
But before he could reach the hut, all at once, the clicking stopped. When he opened the thatch door, the room still warm with the heavy presence of sweat and exhaustion, only a piece of plywood remained, with an iPhone charger, still plugged into the lone solar battery, powering nothing.
He phoned back to America, and had his assistant check all the official records. That night it was determined media mogul Raleigh T. Sakers has been dead for more than 25 years.
The streets echoed as King Cobra chewed and smacked his lips, disturbing women, children, and the elderly across the city
LAS VEGAS — Citizens were shocked and alarmed at the sight of YouTuber KingCobraJFS eating pizza-like food on the Las Vegas Dome, Sunday afternoon, in what many thought at first to be an ill-advised Little Caesar’s ad campaign.
Sphere Entertainment confirmed that the footage was unauthorized and an internal cybersecurity investigation is ongoing in cooperation with local and federal authorities.
Little Caesar’s issued an official statement to the press saying, “Little Caesar’s condemns the actions of any satanic hackers who may have breached the secure systems. Little Caesar’s pizza is not a sponsor or an affiliate of the KingCobraJFS YouTube channel and can be equally enjoyed by members of all faiths.”
Hacking Group SpitterSec took to twitter, claiming credit for the breach. “King Cobra for President,” the group tweeted, adding, “Long Live Ozzy, f-ck the trolls!
This claim was substantiated by cybersecurity expert Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, “Attribution is always a dicey business but I checked their pastebin and it looked pretty legit. Great ASCII art, too.”
Internet Chronicle reporters were unable to contact Joshua Fay Saunders, the mastermind behind the King Cobra character and leader of the Cobra Cult.
Las Vegas police chief Danny Larsen told reporters, “There is no indication at this time that Mr. Saunders had anything to do with the attack, and we are already aware of those involved due to similar previous pranks in several local casinos.”
King Cobra is the center of an extremist Satanic cult known as the Cobra Cult, an up-and-coming faith that preaches excessive drinking, smoking, and the occasional use of inhalants as part of a mystical journey towards “belief in oneself.” Members of the transphobic cult are taught, even from a young age, to create unholy “food hacks” and other cooking abominations.
Former Cobra Cult member Benny Johnson reached out to the Internet Chronicle, giving a dire warning that the cult is far more sinister than its fun-loving appearance on YouTube, “I was desperate for anything, anything at all to take away the pain of my involuntary celibacy. One day I was browsing YouTube and it was like Cobes was talking to me, personally, and he understood all the suffering I’d been through. I bought the pheromone soap and started dressing just like Cobra. And you know what? It worked perfectly. I was getting laid ten, sometimes twenty times a week. I realized his channel had turned me into a sicko, a sex junkie, and I got out. Some weren’t so lucky, and they’re in jail now, or they will be soon. To anyone who is still in the Cobra Cult or thinking about joining, I just want you to know, there are better ways. It’s never too late to leave. And if you do decide to stay, take it easy on the duster.”
More and more people are grabbing doorknobs and touching their eyes, mouths, and noses, leading to deadly infection. “Spinal Meningitis” is not just a cool Ween song, it’s also a cool and dangerous disease, and new cases are on the rise, says Dr. Angstrom Troubadour, Fellow at the Infectious Diseases Institute in Lebal Drocer Falls, Minnesota.
Troubadour says spinal meningitis is not that serious, and that there are painful and expensive treatments for it, should such a need arise.
Real Doctor :)
“Hi, I’m Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour. So you fucked around and got your spinal fluid infected?”
Not to worry. Lebal Drocer Pharmaceuticals offers a series of low-cost, high-pain injections, and high-cost, painful injections. A solution for every patient/customer!
Buy my stuff, and learn what sick really means.
—Dr. T
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