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YouTube Rust Star Vice Dead at 21

Helk is impressed by Poob’s megazerg

INTERNET — Rust YouTuber ‘Vice’ was found by his landlord Friday evening, deceased from apparent drowning in his bathtub. Authorities have ruled out foul play, but the coroner’s office has not officially declared a cause of death.

This tragic death comes on the heels of Vice’s release of what some gaming critics are calling “the most painful fail since Leeroy Jenkins,” ending with a massive official servers ban for hundreds of his YouTube fans.

Hoping to prove his skill at Rust, Vice took his YouTube building exploits to the legendary US EAST Facepunch 2 server to see if these tricks could help him hang with the “big boys” of Rust fame, such as BChillz and Lifestomper. Vice formed the “Chad” clan on Rust, and suggested the Chads were the largest clan ever assembled.

However, their claims are in dispute from Poob, CEO of Poob’s Pipe n’ Poob Tavern, whose practically unraidable bases have withstood an astounding amount of all-out hacker assaults over the course of many, many wipes on East 2. Poob told reporters, “thay just hate us cause they anus.”

Noted on the developer’s blog, and once visited and congratulated by Rust God Helk for his great compound, Poob has also created his own Rust-based cryptocoin, ‘poobcoin’. Poob’s is not even the only megazerg to go hard for a whole wipe on East 2. The wipe before Vice’s fake megazerg flopped, “The Village” walled in the entire Junkyard, gaining uncontested chinook drops until the end of wipe.

In the infamous video documenting “The Rise and Fall of the 100 Man Clan,” [that never rose] Vice can be seen aiming at heli using a silenced custom and not even leading, as well as doing a 10 man offline eoka raid on an empty 2×2 and a wood door with no room behind it. His team is entirely mowed down by a few attackers many times, but they are always saved at the last second when his hacker picks up a gun and goes spinbot.  Lead developer Errrrn told Vice he was a bad boy who broke the rules, and won’t be getting any special treatment even with his ever-expanding ego. Some have suggested that Vice being spurned by Errrrn may have contributed to or even wholly constituted his final, tragic meltdown.

While many fans, obviously shaken by grief, have tried to excuse Vice of this miserable video and say that the game or its makers have made it impossible to live the dream of a gigantic clan on Rust, many are insisting that Vice was a fraud who was just terrible at Rust and couldn’t handle it.

Video game suicide expert Dr. Troubador told reporters, “His fantasy was brutally, brutally crushed, so he transferred this energy into the rehabilitation of an old abandoned idea, the Rusty Pirates custom map server. Moments before his death, Vice could be seen mangling his way through a new Rustedit map like an abject noob, making a river that defies all known laws of hydrodynamics just to fit a senseless whim. It was just sad to watch.”

Building expert and East 2 veteran Kilgoar, who has wiped many megazergs using “insane” trap bases said, “His bases are okay, but it’s all flash and too focused on some imaginary transcendental perfection rather than the needs of the moment. Like if Petrarch was a gamer. A guy in my clan, FrostyFlamez, that motherfucker assembled an equally big clan on his first wipe just by making friends with people. Their crazy YouTube base didn’t last long but at least they didn’t get insided by my homeboys. Anyway, I’ve seen dogs that are better gamers than Vice. As a builder it disgusts me to see that crap constantly upheld as a good example to follow. Every moment of that video was painful, and the fact that he wanted to start his own server on account of his own incompetence and because he got all these people banned for cheating is just not facing the facts. Well, it didn’t have to end like this. RIP in pieces, Vice. And thanks for the LOOT!”

Dr. Troubador added, “I’ve seen it before, but never on a YouTuber level. The desperation, the cut-throat attitude with nothing to back it up. He thinks he’s amazing at a game because he can make a great video and figure out a few exploits. He’s not. This kind of cheating is the worst display I’ve ever seen in any game, anywhere. His shame must have been bottomless, that’s why he outed himself in the video, he’s trying to overcome insecurity. Many of his most loyal fans were banned from the most hallowed server because of his ill judgment. Sad! Some of the slaves ought to get off the hook for getting mesmerized by a YouTube star. Obviously his bases were metaphors for his psychic shell and all his hangups. Well, in the end he got the ultimate banhammer that he psychologically needed, but he needn’t have acted it out except in ritual or in symbol. A base that was turned outwards and played fair, rather than one that transgressed inwards. Start at the start rather than the finish. The true tragedy is that all this could have been a great coming of age moment, but it was WASTED!“

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Internet Chronicle under fire for controversial MAGAface coverage

The Internet Chronicle recently ran reports featuring MAGAface, the good old boy who got up in that Indian’s face at a pro-life rally. The heinous website posted images of Navajo elder Nathan Phillips, referring to him as a “pack leader,” and making false claims Phillips “aggressively” approached MAGAface.

chronicle.su: MAGAface confronts a Navajo Code Talker during his pro-life rally. A boy in the background respectfully chants along with Phillips. After this picture was taken everyone stood and clapped.
CHRONICLE.SU: MAGAFace confronts Navajo Code Talker Natty Phillips during his pro-life rally. A boy in the background respectfully chants along with Phillips. After this picture was taken everyone stood and clapped.

Readers aren’t happy

Even Dr. Angstrom Troubadour, the disgraced physician accused of peddling the dangerous, imperialist party drug “Manifest Ecstasy” for Lebal Drocer Pharmaceuticals, said he wants to distance himself from chronicle.su and asked the media to respect his wishes.

“They were good at hiding their agenda behind clever language,” Troubadour said. “I thought it was all a joke, and I was just in on it. Now that I see they are emboldened by a surge in right-wing nationalism, Internet Chronicle has all but removed its MAGAface. I just can’t be associated with that while I’m still testing this racist medicine on people.”

Troubadour shook his head.

“Imagine having a claim to the land so unjust, that God himself takes it away from you, and gives it to a white man.”

Internet Chronicle Baby Corner

dr troubadour
Dr. Troubadour, Pediatrician

Hello little babies. Do you prefer having satire spoonfed to you, rather than having to read it with your own two little peepers?

THEN, LISTEN TO THIS SHIT, BITCH!

Don’t WASTE your weak little baby eyes READING this fucking website. LISTEN INSTEAD, AS CHRONICLE.SU EDITORS HATESEC AND KILGOAR MISHANDLE AN IMPORTANT INTERVIEW WITH MAGAFACE HIMSELF:

Internet Chronicle Exclusive: MAGAFACE Stands His Ground!

Internet Chronicle under threat of collapse!

The backlash so far was minimal, according to hatesec, an editor at the website, since readership has already plummeted to all-time lows. The website is prone to hatesec’s self-destructive outbursts, such as the time he called Mental Illness a fad syndrome, causing considerable harm to his own readership in the process.

The secret to his success?

Don’t divide your audience with one-sided political coverage. Instead, alienate them entirely by disrespecting and belittling bullshit that’s precious to everyone.

BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOWN: hatesec

chronicle.su shares the key to success

Is nothing sacred?

Check back for updates on how Internet Chronicle attacks the sensitive underpinning of your favorite propaganda networks.

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“FEMA DEATH CAMPS ACTIVE” – ESCAPEE’S TERRIFYING STORY!

This FEMA death camp looks abandoned but in fact contains a facility for secretly killing millions of immigrants and processing orphaned babies for maximum economic value.
This FEMA death camp looks abandoned but in fact contains a facility for secretly killing millions of immigrants and processing orphaned babies for maximum economic value.

It was 3:45 a.m. when the first alarms sounded at Camp Liberty, situated just beyond the horizon, where a majestic new border wall is planned for construction. Spotlights flood into the valley, as motion detectors pick up unlikely movement through the brush. The lights catch the bewildered expression of a man, covered in dirt, as he attempts to escape back into Mexico. He is spotted holding a knife, and the muzzle flash of his own gunfire blinds a lone border patrolman who has taken aim at the man from the high tower of Camp Liberty. Before his eyes can readjust, the man is gone.

This is the story of Juan De Martinez, who escaped — not only from a FEMA camp, but also from a vacuum-sealed plastic tub: his PLASTIC FEMA DEATH COFFIN. 
MegaLeaks reports that at least 37 FEMA death camps went online following secret legislation passed in FISA courts.

2019 turns into America’s 1984 as “Big Brother” Donald Trump Powers up FEMA CAMPS over “Humanitarian Crisis” on the border with Mexico.

An extensive wall plan, far more than Trump bargained for, has been put in place and will not only wall off Mexico, but Canada and “extensive” portions of the Atlantic and Pacific borders as well. 
De Martinez’s haunting first echoes of the “New Holocaust”, if true, depict a terrible new low for humanity. “Donald Trump conned us all. And hell, I believed in him more than anyone,” De Martinez said. “Why the hell you think I joined the caravan to begin with? I wanted to see that bitch locked up.”
Border patrol soldiers apprehended De Martinez after a Census agent reported him as an illegal immigrant. “It was almost exactly like the prisons for the separated families where they first kept me, only crowded and with lots of soldiers everywhere. It was an old department store in an abandoned mall with some concertina wire barriers and machine gun nests at the door. Thousands of us in there, arms and legs ziptied, and a few guys with big chainguns at the doors. Low budget as it gets. One day they singled us out, and when they came for me they led me down the hall to a pallet of these corrugated plastic coffins, tazed me, and there’s this air compressor running. The shock of the air leaving the coffin brought my senses to me and I just barely punctured the coffin before passing out. Somehow I survived and I don’t know if I was knocked out for hours or for days, but I was able to escape. I’m sure to have been the only one.”
Juan De Martinez told Internet Chronicle, “I wasn’t targeted for my skin color, but for my belief in some so-called ‘conspiracy theories.’ Is that crazy? I know the establishment is afraid of us, now more than ever because we now know all their secrets in real time, thanks to MegaLeaks.”
Samuel Bradshaw, a 46-year-old carpet specialist on disability, said the ongoing blackout and deep state crackdown on Twitter has made it next to impossible to organize the already limited abilities of the enlightened minds available to the QAnonymous movement. Bradshaw says a full overhaul of the entire system was needed, and Kim Dotcom’s blockchain-enhanced information network is just the tool for bridging the gap between a once-functional Twitter and Facebook-based platform, and the upcoming Pursuance Project set forth by Barrett Brown.
In December, Kim Dotcom released a fully-functioning blockchain-based, end-to-end encrypted digital economy for leaked information called MegaLeaks. According to Dotcom, “MegaLeaks is already fulfilling its promise to feed the secrets of the elites to the public at a rate millions of times faster than any revolutionary movement in history. This informational apocalypse for established power structures is labeled ‘The Shift’ by fellow members of the QArmy. MegaLeaks is the ultimate and final Prophecy.”

#TrustThePlan

De Martinez escaped from a mass-produced plastic FEMA death camp coffin much like this
As De Martinez made his way out of the coffin and to safety, he stumbled through some of the Deep State’s top secret facilities. He wept in horror relating these grim tidings, and withheld many gruesome details, “The youngest children are being kept in factory chicken farms, their life-extending blood harvested on a weekly basis with straps and robotic syringes. Older children are being trained for sex slavery in a vast mega-casino and brothel in Las Vegas, so that the middle class can now aspire to the sick pleasures of the elites on a mass basis. Tuesday, MegaLeaks released the FISA court document in which Donald Trump ordered a small change in law enforcement policy to open the ‘child sex trafficking’ loophole.
In the past, the QArmy has pushed back against all sex trafficking and harvesting of the young for their blood, but surprisingly the movement is now split. However, the vast majority of QAnon’s most vocal proponents are still excited for the “New World Order,” even if it means a “shower of blood.”
“I say trust the plan, man.” Phil Mackleroy of Embargo, Illinois caused a stir on social media, adding, “Hell, I wanted Mexico to pay for one wall and now we’re gonna get four of them, Hell yea, buddy!  And that casino, boy. What happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas as they say.”
Mackleroy beamed for the cameras at Fox News, Live on Hannity to address the sensitive issue of baby blood farms, “As long as we don’t kill anyone like those sick abortionists, it’s not all that bad. Sometimes the government has to take babies, and what can it do with them? Take care of them for free, just to drag down the economy a bit? Everyone would be chucking babies over the border if we did that. And as far as I can tell we’re just givin’ them a purpose. All they have to give us is a little blood each week, and it ain’t even hurtin’ em. I’ve seen it on TV, OKAY? They was smiling and laughing when that robot sucked just a few tablespoons of their blood. Hell, their life sounds a LOT better than my job. I can’t even afford any of their blood since they cut off my benefits.”
But Mackleroy’s tweets weren’t the only ones popping off. Q Spiritualist Master Dorothy “Peace” Blongbottom tweeted, “THE SHIFT IS HERE!” garnering over 10,000 retweets in one hour. “I always believed the shift was coming,” said Blongbottom, “This is going to be a bit scary, but we have to go through it. Once it’s over with everything will be okay again. To get back to the real Great America we had to trigger another holocaust, another world war. Soon it will be over and we will be back in the 50’s, and everything will be Great again.”
 
Leroy Stimpson, 34 of Grand Rapids North Dakota, disavowed Trump, tweeting, “I QUIT THE CROOKED #QARMY.” Stimpson told reporters, “I thought it was When We Go One We Go All. Apparently some people among us are SATANISTS and PEDOPHILES. Anyway I always knew the stuff about the sex trafficking that we talked about on the QArmy so damn much was a little overboard, a little suspicious. I feel like we maybe meme’d Trump into power but we also dun’ created a monster like some evil monkey’s paw, granting aspects of our wishes that we don’t really think about too often. Well now that he’s legalized child sex, by God I’m finally off that sick, sick Trump Train. All these people who are still #QArmy, who blocked MAGAFACE, fuck you. There, I said it. First Trump took our bump stocks, then he took our babies – saying it had drugs in its system – and now he’s took our information. Well, buddy, we fuckin’ took it back. Kim’s got us covered. I am interested in some of them stemcells, though.“

THE SHIFT IS HERE

It is now 5AM and Juan De Martinez is clear of Camp Liberty and its unspeakable horrors. “It sounded like a Motorcycle, man. I swear. But it was just like in the videos, those cheetah robots. It was on me man, and it had me pinned by my throat. But Praise Jesus or Julian Assange or someone because it glitched out or something. It did a weird little dance and let me go. I was free, finally free and outside of the United States. In retrospect, you know that thing that strikes me most? It’s the cheapness of it all. Clearly they just want to save a little money, or something. And then they spend all that money on killer robots like that to try to hide it from us. And it doesn’t even work. The Shift is here, people. And I am living proof.”