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Donald Trump supporters “raping back” after anti-racist protestors shut down rally in Chicago

gangrapingCHICAGO — Friday night after protestors blocked a Donald Trump rally, frustrated Trump supporters fought back by gang raping people of color.

Riot police, outraged by infringements upon The Apprentice stars’ First Amendment rights, massaged their engorged organs from behind the privacy of bullet proof shields, beating at anyone who tried to escape the brutish kettle of primal abjection.

The rapers screeched “White genocide,” and whispered Trump slogans to their victims as a threat.

“You’re going to build the wall, and you’re going to like it, ya Mexican bitch,” one raper exclaimed on rape footage posted on LiveLeak. All videos of the incident were wiped from the internet quickly and a general media blackout continues unabated.

Many offenders took to social media to brag on the hashtag #TrumpRapeCrew. One rapist said, “We went after the Muslims because they must be used to it by now with how theyre [sic] countries are.” Other commenters hopped on the hashtag, connecting the event to the migrant rapings in Europe, “Whites aren’t just going to let themselves suffer genocide by the rapist hordes of muslim migrants. We’re finally raping back.”

“Build up the wall! Build up the wall!” the bloodthirsty crowd repeated.

The riot police handcuffed each rape victim as a single team of paramedics attended to the grievous wounds.

One Mexican, lying in the street and bound in zip-ties after an apparent attack, cried out for water.

“Get this…Mexican man some water, he’s dehydrated,” a paramedic said. “And he’s Mexican!”

A fair-skinned female medic unscrewed the lid of her canteen, kneeling in the grass at a reasonable distance from the brown-skinned man. She scooped up a pile of fresh dirt and added it to the draught.

“Here, it’s ready for him,” she said, and screwed the lid back on tight. She slid the canteen across the pavement to her partner. “This is how they drink it.”

The burly blonde EMS reassured the victim, pouring the sandy water into his savaged throat, “You just don’t know any better. And now you’re under arrest for disturbing Donald Trump’s free speech.”

The EMS clipped a police badge onto his navy blue medic uniform. Shocked eyewitnesses tell reporters he then tased the subdued victim in cold blood before leaving the scene in an armored vehicle.

Reporters noticed a wooden box – a coffin, apparently ripped out of a funeral home during rioting – with a sign attached to the wall. The sign read “We are not rapists” and had a hole cut in the center of the board, through the letter ‘o.’ Somebody was watching them through the hole. A brown iris darted, watching for attackers.

Reporters heard a muffled, forced cry from the box, “Trump was right.”

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Hillary Chooses Bernie as Running Mate

Save the Republic
Two true representatives to save the Republic – Bernie Hillary 2016

INTERNET — Bernie Sanders dropped out of the race when it became clear that his heavy losses on Super Tuesday spelled an end to any chance at the presidency.

Hillary immediately announced Bernie as her running mate and dug her heels into an increasingly left position. “Bernie Sanders has a point about Wall Street and Socialism. It’s a damn good idea, but it’s going to take more than one compromise.”

This marks the first time since the election of 1810 that a standing Secretary of State has run for presidential office with a senator runner-up as running mate.

“It is as if the stars spelled out the answer,” said one commenter, “Trump is already defeated. Fascism will fade forever, one election at a time, leading to full, all-out communism in the idealistic sense, and not as a repetition of the failed Soviet model. I saw it all laid out in the development of social organizations from Sumeria to the present day in a flash. Tens of thousands of tales foretelling Trump, and the glorious couple, united now, who will defeat him and cancel every one of his emanations.”

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“Puppy Monkey Baby” is a freakish genetic experiment passed off as CGI

Puppy Monkey Baby spoke with reporters, using the darknet Tor
Puppy Monkey Baby spoke with reporters, using the darknet Tor

THE HIGH TOWER — Fiends at Mountain Dew’s genetic testing labs cooked up a “fully sapient” hybrid puppy, monkey, homo sapiens freak for their yearly tele-orgy comedy show. Sources in the darknet formerly aligned with Alex Jones — before he turned into a fearmongering shill — spoke with investigators at the Internet Chronicle and explicated details of the torturous conditions in which Mountain Dew punishes their abominable creation.

Kept in a cage with only free steam video games and mountain dew and formerly raised by emotionally absent technicians, the puppy monkey baby suffers a terrible existence, which he blogs about under a pseudonym he refuses to disclose. “Call me Frank, for now,” he says to the reporters — routing his Skype call through the infamous darknet, Tor.

Frank made weird, choking pug noise and his spider monkey arms flapped up and down. “Life is hell. My body literally does not work except on a diet of Mountain Dew, and I shit, piss, and sweat that acidic neon bullshit.”

Frank opened his mouth, reporters scenting his rotting maw even at the digitally-compressed sight. “No dental plan, and nothing to eat or drink but carbonic acid and sugar. But I’d die without it! It extends my life cycle by years.”

Frank growled, gritted black teeth, and shredded at the diaper with his powerful monkey claws. “They’re taunting you, you fools! Laughing in your faces! Every major corporation is bio-engineering their own species of dependents, servants, subjects — this is the new world order! Monsanto — they’re the ones creating smallhead farmers for their big move into South America, using Zika as a weapon. Oh — oh — just you fucking wait until thousands of babies are being born like me, as puppy monkey babies, and you’re feeding them their mountain dew.”