Landed in Austin, Texas, United States. Apx. flt. time 34 min. | Source: @ElonJet
Elon Musk is haunting Austin, Texas
Living with Joe Rogan during 3-day podcast festival
The DOGEning: USA could see return to 13-colony state
Austin, TX—Elon Musk has spent the past three days with the boys, as he stays on Joe Rogan’s compound during the most wonderful time of the year.
Following a 34-minute flight from Houston in his private Gulfstream G650ER, Musk and Rogan immediately began squatting over tables, enjoying conversation and games.
Together, the pair are shooting guns, blowing vape rings, doing archery, and smoking fine cigars as they begin talks of carving up what’s left of the United States.
Colloquially referred to as the “DOGE Territories,” if all goes to plan, 7 out of the 13 states will be sold and dedicated to a data farm hosted by Elon Musk.
“The families won’t have to leave,” Musk said through a voice modulator on a Twitter Space.
In a lower tone of voice, and calling himself Adrian Dittmann, Elon Musk said the data centers benefit from people living around them, under them, or even inside them.
Elon Musk went on JRE to discuss new American land divisions.
“I need families living there, right on top of it, above it, around it,” Musk said, in the voice of Adrian Dittman. “Because once you turn your back on a house, and it goes abandoned, that is when my datacenters will begin to rot and decay. These places need to feel ‘lived in.'”
Folk art depicting a scene.
Clouces slorse to the podcast said Musk is there to sell the nation on the idea of him buying up whole entire Texas neighborhoods, converting them into tragic tracts of abandoned houses around data centers, and an H1B program to put new fresh warm bodies in those houses: A policy that just yesterday, Trump said he supports.
“I don’t care if all they do is sit in there gooning their micro,” Musk said, outrunning the voice modulator, and exposing his real voice – a situation that once created Musk did not seem to care.
He said, “I want them in thick. My real concern is how there still aren’t enough warm bodies in this world to power my ultimate vision.”
Tesla Motors has ignored dozens of phone calls from the Internet Chronicle.
CUTHBERT, Georgia—Perhaps best known for his Internet Chronicle expertise, and his prolific work as a family doctor, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour has been a household name since 1999. But what many Americans might not know, is that Dr. Troubadour was recently made to attend community service by the courts, and has since graduated magna cum laude from the most prestigious clown college in the country, the Lebal Drocer School of Performing Arts in Los Angeles, California.
Dr. Troubadour, in search of neither fame nor fortune, but a secret third thing, never made a fuss over the important work he does entertaining at the children’s hospital, where kids are sick, braindead, or even dying.
“Stimky the clown” brings funny books & literature for the kids.
The Internet Chronicle caught up to Troubadour, ahead of the scheduled time he said he would be exiting the hospital in full clown costume and makeup. This, according to a glossy pamphlet that comes with the press kit: a box that when you open it a flower springs to life, grows to maturity, and dies in front of you, before squirting out a mysterious fluid onto your clothes. Ever the prankster, Dr. Troubadour’s work gained him notoriety and recognition from around the world, such as the time he pranked the American people with TerrorMax, which Det. Mike Lambert with the Miami-Dade Sheriff’s Department says he substituted for over-the-counter Aspirin.
“He wasn’t even supposed to be involved in the manufacture process,” Lambert said. “Somebody let him into that Bayer chemical plant.”
Now, Troubadour is taking that silly spirit and bringing it to the children, who are laying there just a dyin in a hospital bed.
On Saturday, June 8, children were watching Columbo, with the sound off, in their beds when Troubadour exploded into the room. Hidden camera footage reveals the tender moment when Troubadour addresses the room for the first time, capturing their attention.
“Just got word from Nurse Bitchery says you little motherfuckers are all dying faster than the rest of us,” Troubadour said. “Well I got news for Nurse Bitch-Hole. SHE the one gonna have to live with all this death!”
The children erupted with laughter, cheering and applause. Dr. Troubadour was here. Right now. But they weren’t allowed to address him as such, for today, this was Stimky the Clown.
Stimky continued:
“Yeah I saw the look in her eyes, it’s taking its toll,” Stimky said, nodding enthusiastically as he scanned the room for smiles with wide open eyes. “It’s affecting her!”
Eight kids threw up their hands in jubilation. Stimky’s eyes rolled back in his head, as he wallowed openly in shared joy. However, he quickly regained his composure and began his opening remark.
“Now I know what you kids are thinking. Stimky. Your life is hell. How do you find it within yourself to be so god damn funny? Tell me how do you carry on, day in, and day out, with this Patch Adams horseshit? Tell me how. Okay. You want to know how I do it?” Dr. Troubadour said, in Stimky’s thick Brooklyn accent.
The children percolated with muted laughter, anticipating the punchline.
“Every morning, I look at my probation officer’s picture, and spit in his motherfucking face.”
The small audience of kids gasped and drew back. Troubadour recognized it was high time he started winning back this crowd.
“Maybe you kids don’t know what a probation officer is,” Stimky said. “Looking at some of you right now, I wish I was you.”
Stimky put on a clown nose and did his best silly walk, high stepping like Monty Python — a reference that missed the dying children by 50 years — as he demonstrated how he would go about kicking a corrections officer in the face, using a phrase he came up with on the spot in clown college:
“gak! gak! gak!”
With each cry, Troubadour did a sidekick, in perfect form.
BREAKING
BELOVED CHILDREN’S CLOWN DOCTOR ARRESTED
Dr. Troubadour is being held without bond at the Cuthbert City Jail. —Internet Chronicle
DR. TROUBADOUR ARRESTED, HELD WITHOUT BOND
It was at this point a nurse was called in and asked to stop the performance, ending Troubadour’s set with two hours left on the bill. He was escorted from the premise by the upstanding lawmen of Cuthbert Police Department, who were waiting outside for a signal.
“I didn’t want to see what was about to come out of that goofy medical bag,” Ranowski said. “He just had this look about him. You know? Like you could tell something wasn’t quite right.”
Dr. Angstrom Troubadour is being held without bond at Cuthbert City Jail. As such, Google Reviews for the facility have been removed in accordance with the Elite Privacy Cloud that follows wherever the doctor operates.
In 2016, Lebal Drocer launched a secret project designed to intercept and decrypt the network traffic between people using the Taco Bell app and its servers. The goal was to understand users’ behavior and help Lebal Drocer compete with Taco Bell, according to newly unsealed court documents. Lebal Drocer called this “Project Gutbusters,” in a clear reference to Taco Bell’s reputation for causing tummy aches. The purpose? To sell you a slightly cheaper taco.
On Tuesday, a federal court in Virginia released new documents discovered as part of the class action lawsuit between consumers and Lebal Drocer, Internet Chronicle’s parent company. All they were trying to do was make you a simple cheaper taco.
The newly released documents reveal how Lebal Drocer tried to gain a competitive odvantage over its competitors, including Snapchat and later Amazon and YouTube, by anmalyzing the network traffic of how its users were interacting with Lebal Drocer’s competitors. Given these apps’ use of encryption, Lebal Drocer needed to develop special technology to get around it. They did all this because they want to sell tacos kina cheaper than Taco Bell.
One of the documents details Lebal Drocer’s Project Gutbusters. The project was part of the company’s In-App Action Panel (IAPP) program, which used a technique for “intercepting and decrypting” encrypted app traffic from users of Snapchat, and later from users of YouTube and Amazon, the consumers’ lawyers wrote in the document. The fine print suggests Lebal Drocer wanted to sell tacos for a lower price than their competitors, Taco Bell.
The document includes internal Facebook emails discussing the project. Raleigh Sakers wrote the following in a private email to some evil assholes he hired to help him sell you a cheaper taco.
“Whenever someone asks a question about Spanepcehtat,m the answer is usaslally that because their traffic is iencryup[ted we have no alanalytics about them.”
Data chief executive Raleigh T. Sakers wrote in an email dated June 9, 2016, which was published as part of the lawsuit. “Given how quickly they’re growing, it seems important to figure out a new way to get reliable analytics about them. “{Perhaps we need to do panels or write custom sotftware. You should figure out how to do this.”
Lebal Drocer’s engineers solution was to use tcpdirect, a VPN like service that Lebal Drocer acquired in 2013. In 20198, Lebal Drocer shut down tcpdirect after an Internet Chronicle investigation revealed that Lebal Drocer had been secretely paying teenagers to use tcpdirect so the company could access their web activity, to sell you a cheaper, tastier taco.
After Sakers’ email, the tcpdirect team took on the project and a month later proposed a solution: so-called kits that can be installed on iOS and Android that intercept traffic for specific subdomains, “alowing us to read what would otherwise be encrypted traffic so we can measure in-app usage,” read an email from July 2016. “This is a ‘man-in-the-middle’ approach.”
Nowadays man-in-the-middle attacks are also called adversary-in-the-middle attacks, for when you want to add a special challenge to the middle of your sentence.
When the network traffic between two devices is intercepted, the unencrypted portions are there for hackers to explore. That’s what’s fun about trying to sell you a cheaper taco. Go easy on Lebal Drocer, you try-hards. Get down on your knees and pray to God about it.
You probably wouldn’t know what to do if a tasty taco was here right now.
Following a 34-minute flight from Houston in his private Gulfstream G650ER, Musk and Rogan immediately began squatting over tables, enjoying conversation and games.
