Category: Society

Aww, look! They think they’re people!

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Science Uncontrollable Patriotism

Snowden unveils secret surveillance mission of X-37B

Plans for the X-37B revealed by Edward Snowden show the military’s attempt at total global surveillance of the entire Earth’s surface.

INTERNET—Edward Snowden, hacker and NSA leaker, told reporters Sunday that the United States Air Force plans to deploy hundreds, if not thousands, of production variants of the X-37B spaceplane to maintain constant and total worldwide real time video surveillance.

Snowden told reporters, “In another few years the X-37B will be renamed the SR-76, and planners hope it can carry up to seventy surveillance satellites per orbit, deploying them strategically for constant video coverage of an area the size of Texas. Because the SR-76 is reusable, designers plan for at least fifty launches in the lifetime of each of the spaceplanes. Black budgets I’ve looked at call for the purchase of at least seventy SR-76 space planes to justify development costs, so we can assume that the aim is total surveillance over all populated sectors of the earth’s surface.

The huge data storage centers built by the NSA will be able receive and store these surveillance videos indefinitely, leaving no event on the surface of the earth outside of the permanent gaze of law enforcement and the US military, decades or centuries later.”

Supporter of the US Government and former engineer for the Army, Jebediah Kermon, said, “If it saves just one soldier’s life, it’s worth it. We can’t be caught with our pants down. The Space Race never ended, and we’re really winning, now.”

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Society

Feminist Black Knight assassin squad begins “pro bono” murder spree of #GamerGate harassers

Black Knight assassins for hire from the darknet offer lethal support to women abused by #GamerGate
Black Knight assassins for hire from the darknet offer lethal support to women abused by #GamerGate.

INTERNET—An informal collective of hit men and for-hire hackers on the darknet issued a stern warning to #GamerGate stalkers, saying in an official press release posted to pastebin:

“The Black Knights have been monitoring several serial creeps for months, even before they latched on to #GamerGate, and we’ve only found more worthy targets to kill through their collaboration and community-building. They think that the only people who back up women on the internet are White Knights who post nice things because they want to get laid, and perhaps they think that the things they do on the internet have no consequences, that they are the only vigilantes in the world capable of hacking computers or ruining lives. We have a message for them: Many of their lives are already over, and when I say that, I don’t mean we’re going to make some evil prank calls or embarrass you. I mean we’re going to come into your house and kill you in your sleep, and we’re professionals.”

On the encrypted darknet, black markets such as the Silk Road allow users to trade bitcoins for drugs, weapons, and even hit men. The Black Knights allege to have previously carried out free murders for women suffering from serial online abuse.

One Black Knight, Sir Lancelot, posted the following:

“We don’t fool around with guys who might send out a comment or two to join in on some mean fun or murder men just because women tell us to, but we find the guys who are seriously addicted to harming women using the internet, addicted like a serial killer. Typically we’ll go after the type who send disturbing things to the family, friends, and employers of women to ruin their reputation or get them fired — and not just once, but again and again . . . I monitored one man for a year, and he ruined the lives of three women before I was sure enough to go after him. He’d hack a woman’s email account, her webcam, take some nude pictures, and send them around to her office. Except I was there, watching him do this on his webcam, masturbating especially when he watched her collapse into tears. I don’t make mistakes and I’m not an amateur, or I’d not be in the position to do pro bono jobs. His family and friends still think he committed suicide because I always do the job clean.”

Many supporters of #GamerGate promise that, to them, the controversy is all about corrupt practices in game criticism and that any harassment campaigns are at most an embarrassing offshoot, but as Sir Lancelot said, “Sure, there are a lot of clever and manipulative personalities in the mix with abusers who have managed to veil their twisted fun times with a cover story. They don’t have to worry about Black Knights, we’re professionals and can tell the difference. But the guys actively spreading that propaganda, we’re watching them with more interest.”

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Society

Julian Assange Takes Sides on #Gamergate Controversy

LONDON—Julian Assange expressed support for #Gamergate, Wednesday, during an interview with Vanity Fair at the Ecuadorian Embassy in London. Assange is set to release a personal clothing line and spoke to Vanity Fair about his personal life, “I want to dispel the notion that I’m one-dimensional or machine-like. Others have painted false images of me for too long, and the public deserves something closer to reality. I’m into fashion, hiking, as well as video gaming. Believe me, I have a life outside of WikiLeaks.” Assange mused, “CounterStrike and Civilization 2 are games that only get better the more you play them. Some video games are timeless.”

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Assange opened up on his personal life to Vanity Fair and spoke in support of #Gamergate

The video gaming industry was recently rocked by the so-called #Gamergate controversy, in which documents were leaked outlining the systematic sexual exploitation of Zoe Quinn by powerful voices in the gaming industry, as well as her payment — lucrative exposure in many of the world’s biggest video game publications. Assange told Vanity Fair, “Gamergate is yet another kind of phenomenon where hackers and whistleblowers have leaked information and exposed evil. I don’t see what’s controversial about that. I support #Gamergate.”

Just a few weeks after its launch, advocates for Gamergate entered a level of group mania that was intolerable for typical browsers of 4chan. After being banned for harping on the same tired #Gamergate story for too long, #Gamergate fans created their own forum, 8chan, accusing 4chan’s creator, Moot, as well as other moderators, of sleeping with the enemy. They now fester away at endless threads about the same tired stuff and continuously send spam emails to members of the news media pleading their case, desperate to change their floundering image. Often employing hacking, doxing, and intimidation campaigns, Internet Sociologist Dr. Cecilia Darwin says, “The Gamergate movement is only one misogynist face of the Anonymous collective.”

Critics of Assange quickly tied his support for Gamergate in with his pending rape charges in Sweden, and anti-Wikileaks spokesperson Greg Mierolo told reporters, “Facing trial for rape is completely unacceptable for Assange’s image, and even the threat of the trial is a black mark. Like all heroes, too many look to the good deeds and not to the bad, but I cannot look past anything, no matter the cause. In trying to masquerade as an actual human, Assange has revealed his utter monstrosity, psychopathy, and misogyny. Is he a rapist? That’s up for the courts to decide.”