Dear Doctor: Marital advice column by Dr. Troubadour

Dear Doctor,

I’m trying to take care of my man, who is everything to me, and having trouble at home.

Wah! Why, just yesterday I could tell he was tuckered out from band practice. I said, “Sweetheart, you’ve had a long day. Let me cook tonight.”

I got straight to work, and in my hurry to please, threw every piece of our silverware in the new microwave.

Later I said, “Angel, what’s wrong? You’ve barely touched your microwaved silverware.”

He turned his nose up at it! He said he didn’t feel worthy of a home-cooked meal like that. He said I deserve to spark silverware in the kitchen for someone who appreciates it.

I’m starting to think he could be right.

Clumsily yours,

Lucy Ricardo

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Lucy! You’ve got some splainin’ to do.

First of all, what man eats silverware? You eat with silverware, doll! Maybe jab that silver fork into a hot cut of meat, and you might be surprised where Mr. Ricardo sticks his meat.

Secondly, I just saw Rosemary’s Baby. My advice is do not turn your back on Fred and Ethel, and do not invite them into your home ever again.

Finally, don’t take my advice for granted. You’re lucky I’m even responding, much less that you have a mariachi band leader at your beck and call. An accomplished musician who – even though he never knows what paint-can-falling, penny-whistle blowing, stepping-on-a-rake type of disaster he’s about to walk into – for some reason, is happy to come home. For some reason, he loves you.

Count your blessings, Lucy. I’d love to see you make it to color.

Sincerely yours,

Dr. T

Dr. Troubadour is a licensed clinical psychologist, fellow, and research professor at the Facebook School of Medicine.

His new book, titled “10 Hidden Wisdoms of The Sopranos Extended Universe” is out now.

Lebal Drocer, Inc.