Secret Gang War Rages as Michael Jackson’s Return Approaches

Conspiracy behind recent rap deaths

HOLLYWOOD – The highest level of gang war – that within Hollywood’s elite rap community – has reached fevered pitch. Rather than fighting on the streets like the poor, these hyper-rich stars have resorted to the dirtiest tactics possible. Queen Latifah infected Akon with a genetically modified strain of fast-moving AIDS after rumors had spread throughout Hollywood that Akon once said Queen Latifah’s booty was bigger than his career. In response, Queen Latifah’s main man, Kanye West, was given a roofie immediately before driving home, leading to his death. At this point, Michael Jackson stepped in to end the war among the opposing factions within his organization. As all Hoaxers agree, there are many clues proving Michael Jackson faked his own death so he could help the hip hop community rebel against the New World Order. Michael Jackson slashed the hell out of Lil Wayne’s face till he died just to set an example for the community.

These rappers appear to be still alive to this very day, as the record company has kept a body double on hand to protect their investments in the musician’s brand. Kanye West is a computer simulation, and Akon’s been replaced by a body double. Lil Wayne’s body double is actually a clone, created at birth and subjected to all the exact same tattoos.

May the great Michael Jackson teach us all how to love one another upon his imminent return. May his return be swift, timely and full of groovy dance beats. In Thriller we trust our futures, Amen.